RESPOND...DON’T REACT

Life is not the way it's supposed to be. It's the way it is. The way you cope with it is what makes the difference. Virginia Satir

Gridlock & Turning the Key: Responding

Caught in the grips of gridlock all along Park Avenue, and torrential rains in Manhattan, I give up worrying about getting to my meeting on time. Letting the cabbie do the driving, I drift from a soggy Park Ave to the state of the world, then onto what I will write for this next principle of greatness.

Jolting me out of reverie, a near-homeless man starts ranting and raving, pointing threateningly at my cabbie and the hood of the cab. The light changes. Folks hurriedly maneuver to get by the bumper to bumper cars with umbrellas turned inside out. But we're not going anywhere with this guy smack in the center of the intersection. In a flash of ancient body shifting, my cabbie instinctively readies to fight 'til the death.

Not needing a knight in shining armor, I hear myself say to his image in the rear-view mirror, "It's not worth it. It doesn't matter. Let it be." Just as quickly, my cabbie pulls it together. We both smile as he looks over his shoulder at me. Turning back, he lets this crazy-making guy continue across the street. I laugh to myself, "Now he is my Hero." Unwittingly, my cabbie plays out this principle: Respond. Don't React.

We've all been there. Some triggering remark, even just body language alone, Voila! Instantly back on the school playground or around our childhood kitchen table. Whether at work or at home, here and around the globe, all our ancestral and learned fight or flight reactive modes come into action. Thank goodness, we have them. Let's save them for when we really need to stand up and protect ourselves.

Reactivity: The Mode of Choice These Days

Unfortunately, we all go into a reactive mode rather easily. It takes a lot of vigilance and practice to disengage from old destructive patterning. Especially when it is so deeply rooted in our soma, right down to the cellular level.

Every altercation, challenge and unexpected change is a call to attention. A mini wake up call. We must remember that it's not what happens that matters, it’s how we respond that makes the real difference. In every situation, we can make new choices, or revisit others made previously. Sometimes all it takes is to step out of the situation and take a big picture view. Then, listening to that voice inside, we'll know how to respond.

Learning to Respond: A Far-Sighted View

Most of us are not very good at responding to what really needs our attention. Much of the time we are pulled by current emergencies rather than taking care of our basic infrastructure and planning for our desired better future.

Perhaps most imperative is that we all do a situation analysis routinely, assessing our current and prospective alternatives, re-evaluating our priorities and plans…self-correcting on the go. Otherwise if we don't pay attention, our uninformed choices or lack of planning can come back to haunt us.!

Modus Operandi: Putting Out Fires & Affixing Band-Aids:

The way we see events approaching us affects the way we respond to them; the way we respond to them affects the way we regard ourselves; and this in turn affects the way we see new events. ~Timothy Gallwey

On the world stage, we aren't looking like a great model to emulate these days: We've botched the handling of disasters, human & civil rights, immigration and the rising number of mass killings within our borders. Yet again exposed the disparity between our own haves and have nots. We're sinking in the worldwide rankings for technical smarts and basic skills, being outperformed by the youth of developing countries. Now compounding all this, we declare that we are not prepared for a potential plague of epic proportion, nor able to protect our own from natural disasters. -- All this telecast to our enemies and those we wish to win over. This is not what I was thinking of when it comes to transparency and accountability. I scratch shake my head in amazement, combined with a sense of despair.

It's the same thing with all of us. Our modus operandi is to put out fires or affix band-aids. Most of us are on automatic pilot as we rush through our life and our years. We race against some unseen time piece and lose sight of the road. Just check your planner or electronic devices. blackberry. Overscheduled. Out of whack. Reacting to whatever is loudest or hurts the most. Current events are only reflections of our own lives and our out of balance way of life.

Apparently, we've fallen asleep at the wheel of a good life. Or perhaps disillusioned, we've veered off the road into the ditch of reactivity. So, what do we do now? Who are our role models, what are the new rules of the road?

First Responders: It is Possible

Many of us still have great hopes for our 44th President, Barak Obama, who appears to be a responder, not a reactor. His cool and calm demeanor is a refreshing contrast to the frantic and frenzied tactics of our current White House and congressional politicians of recent days gone by. We need more responders in every walk of life.

A few years ago, New York City’s then Mayor Bloomberg and Commissioner Kelly were truly First Responders in the face of a potential terrorist attack in New York City's transit system. They studied the situation: gathering and evaluating data. They were ready for such a possibility. I don't know if they had a full-fledged plan or if they've had sufficient practice runs. But they appeared to move smoothly and quickly into action.

New York's leaders demonstrated the epitome of First Respondership: Stay on top of change, perform frequent situation analysis, examine the facts, trends and patterns, use your instincts, trust your gut and take considered and timely action.

If we all get clear on what we want our aspirational future to be, and are prepared, it will be far easier to know when and how to respond. As1st responders in our own lives and as responsible citizenry, we all need to take stock frequently. Revising plans, updating guidelines and revitalizing commitments should be standard fare in the office, at school and at home. At every stage and age, as leaders and innovators, we need tools, skills training and up-to-date knowledge to guide us.

But sometimes like my cabbie and me, we are called to respond on the spot. This is when all our training and inner knowing come into play. Responsiveness wins over reactivity in every instance.

Amazon #1 Best Seller Author of 11 books including The Ageless Way, Gray is the New Green, Visionaries Have Wrinkles, The Greatness Challenge and more.