Respond rather than React

I recently taught a course attended by mixed culture delegates. After spending some time debating how to effectively deal with conflict, one of the delegates stood up and yelled ‘it is a load of rubbish, I don’t agree.’

Two thoughts sprang to my mind, one of them a reactive thought in which I was tempted to say, ‘sit down and shut up, if you don’t like what I am suggesting, then pack up and get out.’ The other thought I had was a responsive one in which I felt that I ought to acknowledge his concern, then use open questions to try to understand why he felt the way he did. I could then test my understanding of his explanations. I also felt we ought to explore the options to deal with conflict, and then to suggest that at least he might consider my option as another way of dealing with conflict, in other words to have another ‘arrow in his quiver.’

I chose to respond rather than react, and the outcome was very satisfying. Not only did it clarify misunderstanding, but it laid the roots for a friendship. Throughout the rest of the course, he and I grew closer together and this had a big influence on all those attending.

Reaction is most often spontaneous and can cause stress and grief. Responding requires us to stay calm and to think carefully about the right way to handle the situation. When we respond we stay in control of ourselves, this helps us to personally develop and also to become friends and coaches so that others will seek to associate with us. Remember, Respond, rather then React.