Respond, don't React
"By reacting from fear instead of responding from love, you inject poison directly into the veins of your relationship." Steve Maraboli, internet radio commentator, motivational speaker, and author.
Have you ever acted on your anger, said something you didn’t mean, or did something you later regretted? And have you ever experienced anger that faded after some time, and you cannot even remember what triggered it? I can guess that you responded ‘yes’ to both questions (If you answered 'no,' I would love to meet you as soon as possible!) because when we hear something that we don’t like or is unexpected, we get defensive and react. In other words, we judge the situation quickly. Did you know that It takes our brain 30 milliseconds to make a judgment?!
In any stressful situation, you can either react or respond. What is the difference between REACTING vs. RESPONSING? Reactions are instinctual. The subconscious mind dictates them. There's no filtering process when you react in a situation; you’re running on ‘auto-pilot,' which is the human mind's natural tendency. You do and say things without thinking first and considering the implications. You simply act.
Responses are thoughtful. You respond only after you first consider possible outcomes in your mind. You think before saying a word, weigh the pros and cons, and conclude what would be best in the situation.
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Depending on whether you choose to react or respond, you can move the entire situation or relationship to greater heights or down a slippery slope. For example, you can be the type of person who creates a calm and happy environment around yourself or stresses people and gets easily stressed.? When you respond, you can communicate, lead, and impact more powerfully and sustainably than when you react.
How to learn not to react, then? First, learn to notice when something triggers you. Then, try to pretend that you are observing yourself from outside and ask if you like what you see. And then choose what you really want to see. This is how you practice Emotional Intelligence (EI). And it would be best if you practiced EI every day for your whole life by pausing & noticing, by being intentional about how you show up.?Then, when you develop emotional resilience, you can distance yourself from experience and RESPOND.
The urge to react is always very strong. But each time you experience this urge, you need to take a step back (pause) and think/evaluate your action. This will teach you to respond correctly, follow the path leading to a responsible life and help you evolve into a happier person. Learning to respond vs. react is a continual process that gets easier over time.
And remember: "Reaction weakens you, but Response empowers you." ?
Thanks Leyla khanim. It is very helpful
Global People and Culture expert, HR leader !
2 年Dear Leyla, thanks for this article, very true and efficient !
HR ISO 30414 | Human Capital | People Analytics | HR & Career Solutions
2 年a good one Leyla ???? I see a lot of these things from one side knee-jerk reactions, from another automated responses in a form of quick denials (normally it is a reaction to a new suggestion or justified disagreement). This actually create blocks for development and opportunities and sometimes people just want to avoid those feelings hence do not come out with suggestions. In my understanding it is a combination of both lack of EI and associative skills (expertise in the area). But putting that aside why to react aggressively at all if it isn’t a life threatening situation….