Respect Criteria

Respect is a positive feeling of esteem or deference for a person or other entity (such as a nation or a religion), and also specific actions and conduct representative of that esteem. Respect can be a specific feeling of regard for the actual qualities of the one respected (e.g., "I have great respect for her judgment"). It can also be conduct in accord with a specific ethic of respect.

Respect can be both given and/or received. Depending on an individual's cultural reference frame, respect can be something that is earned. Respect is often thought of as earned or built over time. Often, continued caring interactions are required to maintain or increase feelings of respect among individuals. Chivalry, by some definitions, contains the outward display of respect.

Respect should not be confused with tolerance. The antonym and opposite of respect is disrespect.

When you think about it, respect is probably the most important.

Respect has great importance in everyday life.

Respect has several meanings.

• Having regard for others. That means accepting that other people are different but just as important as you feel you are. Some people may call this tolerance (say tol-er-ans)
• Having a proper respect for yourself. That means that you stand up for yourself and don't let yourself be talked into doing stuff that you know is wrong or makes you feel uncomfortable.
• Not interfering with others (or their property.)
• To consider something worthy of high regard. That really means taking all those other values and living them.

What is Respect?

Every human being and nation, irrespective of their power or strength, has the right to be respected. "Respect is an unassuming resounding force, the stuff that equity and justice are made of." It means being treated with consideration and esteem and to be willing to treat people similarly.. It means to have a regard for other peoples' feelings, listening to people and hearing them, i.e. giving them one's full attention. Even more importantly, respect means treating one with dignity. Respect is the opposite of humiliation and contempt. So where the latter can be a cause of conflict, the former and its opposite can help transform it. As William Ury writes in his book The Third Side: "Human beings have a host of emotional needs- for love and recognition, for belonging and identity, for purpose and meaning to lives". If all these needs had to be subsumed in one word, it might be respect

Importance of Respect in Peace building and Conflict Transformation

All muslims are taught by the teachings of the Holy Quran to be tolerant towards and respectful with other peoples beliefs.

The Golden Rule that essentially states either of the following:

• One should treat others as one would like others to treat oneself (directive form).
• One should not treat others in ways that one would not like to be treated.

The Golden Rule is implicitly expressed in some verses of the Quran, but is explicitly declared in the sayings of Muhammad. A common transliteration is: "Aheb li akheek ma tuhibu li nafsik". This can be translated as "Wish for your brother, what you wish for yourself" or "Love your brother as you love yourself".

In Islam the Golden Rule is reserved solely for fellow Muslims. Quran verse 48:29 states: Muhammad is the messenger of Allah; and those who are with him are strong against Unbelievers, (but) compassionate amongst each other. and whilst there may be many verses that state that a Muslim should love their brother, the Quran makes it clear that Muslims are but a single brotherhood.

Quran 21:92 Verily, this brotherhood of yours is a single brotherhood, and I am your Lord and Cherisher: therefore serve Me.

From the Quran: the first verse recommends the positive form of the rule, and the subsequent verses condemn not abiding the negative form of the Golden Rule:

“...and you should forgive And overlook: Do you not like God to forgive you? And Allah is The Merciful Forgiving.”

— Quran ( Surah 24, "The Light", v. 22)

“Woe to those... who, when they have to receive by measure from men, they demand exact full measure, but when they have to give by measure or weight to men, give less than due”

— Quran ( Surah 83, "The Dealers in Fraud", vv. 1–4)

“...orphans and the needy, give them something and speak kindly to them. And those who are concerned about the welfare of their own children after their death, should have fear of God [Treat other people's Orphans justly] and guide them properly.”

— Quran ( Surah 4, "The Women", vv. 8-9)

“O you who believe! Spend [benevolently] of the good things that you have earned... and do not even think of spending [in alms] worthless things that you yourselves would be reluctant to accept.”

— Quran ( Surah 2, "The Calf", v. 267)

From the hadith, the collected oral and written accounts of Muhammad and his teachings during his lifetime:

A Bedouin came to the prophet, grabbed the stirrup of his camel and said: O the messenger of God! Teach me something to go to heaven with it. Prophet said: “As you would have people do to you, do to them; and what you dislike to be done to you, don't do to them. Now let the stirrup go! [This maxim is enough for you; go and act in accordance with it!]”

— Kitab al-Kafi, vol. 2, p. 146

“None of you [truly] believes until he wishes for his brother what he wishes for himself.”

—An-Nawawi's Forty Hadith 13 (p. 56)

Ali ibn Abi Talib (4th Caliph) says:

“O' my child, make yourself the measure (for dealings) between you and others. Thus, you should desire for others what you desire for yourself and hate for others what you hate for yourself. Do not oppress as you do not like to be oppressed. Do good to others as you would like good to be done to you. Regard bad for yourself whatever you regard bad for others. Accept that (treatment) from others which you would like others to accept from you... Do not say to others what you do not like to be said to you.”

— Nahjul Balaghah, Letter 31

Respect is the first positive step in building a relationship and relationships are central to conflict transformation. One does not have to like a person or understand his viewpoint to accord him respect. Respect comes with the belief that a person or culture can have beliefs contradictory to ours and we should still honor them, as basic respect is a fundamental right of all human beings. In addition, goals and concessions become easier to attain when the element of respect is present As Bill Richardson, the US permanent representative to the UN put it. "You have to be a human being. You cannot be arrogant..... If you treat each individual with respect, each nation with dignity, you can get a lot further than trying to muscle them"

Peacebuilding and conflict transformation strongly emphasize the human relationship aspect. Therefore, for peacebuilding to succeed, the element of respect is essential.

Respect plays an important role in a number of ways.

1. Respect allows one to build trust with "the other."
2. Respect allows one to build and rebuild relationships.
3. It provides one with "an entry," into the other side
4. Those who are respected within the community are most likely to be able to bring or encourage peace.
5. In addition, according respect can make the key difference in the direction of the conflict.
6. Its presence can lead to a positive change, whilst its absence may lead to even more destruction.

The presence of respect can therefore create opportunities. It is then up to the peace builder to act upon them.

Thus, for a peace builder, it is important to look at respect from different angles. First is the importance of treating parties to a conflict with civility and honor. Once people are accorded respect, they are more willing to make compromises which are long term and sustainable, rather than those that are made under duress. Second, peacebuilders and "outsider neutral" mediators need to look for links within the conflicted society and community that have the respect of the people, such as professors, elders, religious leaders etc. Through these people, the mediators and peacebuilders can build networks and contacts. And through their help, peacebuilders and mediators can begin to build rapport with the conflicting parties.

What Happens in the Absence of Respect?

Contempt and humiliation are the absence of respect, as are a sense of being unheard or not understood. The absence of respect or a perceived lack of respect often leads to conflict at an individual, family and societal level. Since the first key step to building strong relationships is respect, the absence of respect or the breakdown of respect are also key factors in the breakdown of relationships and in the occurrence of conflict. Relationships and contacts that are built without the presence of respect are seldom long term or sustainable.

Creating Respect

Respect is created in many ways:

• It is created when people treat others as they want to be treated. This brings us to the famous quotations from our Prophit Mohammed (Peace upon him): “None of you [truly] believes until he wishes for his brother what he wishes for himself.” —An-Nawawi's Forty Hadith 13 (p. 56) 

and famous quotations from the Bible. "Do unto others as you would others do unto you". This also brings the element of circularity to it. That is, things are connected and in relationship. So the growth of something, such as respect, often nourishes itself from its own process and dynamics. Be the first to accord respect, and with time, it will develop amongst all the conflicting parties:

• Avoid insulting people or their culture; instead try to understand them. Many disastrous interactions are characterized by attitudes such as arrogance, disdain, fear of difference, etc. To avoid this, it helps to contact people who are familiar with the unfamiliar culture and can give the peacebuilder guidelines of how to best adapt to the culture.
• Be courteous. Listen to what others have to say. Treat people fairly. All the basic elements "that we learned in Kindergarten" will go a long way to creating an atmosphere of trust and respect.
• Apart from the above, when already involved in a conflict, ‘separating the people from the problem' also allows one to treat the other side with honor. Recognizing that the issue is the problem at hand and not the people can also help create respect.

Respect at home

Home is the place where you first learn about respect.

• You learn about using good manners, like saying 'please' and 'thank you'.
• You learn to share things like toys, games and food with other people in your family.
• You learn to look after your own things and take care of other things in the house (eg. not jumping on furniture, and wiping your feet etc, so that the house is a good place for everyone to be).
• You learn to wait your turn in talking.
• You learn to listen.
• You learn to understand that you will not always get what you want.
• You learn to respect others by helping with chores and not letting the family down.
• You learn to respect others in the community where you live.
• You learn how to talk to different adults in a way they expect to be spoken to eg grandma and her friends may not like to be called by their first name.

Respect at school

When you go to school you will have to learn some different ways to respect others and yourself.

• You will learn how to be a member of a class.
• You will learn how to behave with teachers and other 'school adults'.
• You learn to respect and keep school rules, which help to make your school a safe and caring place for everyone.
• You will learn to respect the property of classmates and the school.
• You will meet with people from different backgrounds, maybe different countries, cultures and religions.
• Some people will look very different to you and your family.
• Some people will behave very differently to you and your family.
• You can respect their differences and expect that they will respect yours.

If people are behaving badly towards you and hurting you or your feelings, then you cannot, and must not, respect their unkind behaviour.

Bullying and harassment should never be tolerated.

And of course you will not behave in an unkind way towards others, including spreading nasty rumours or gossip.

Earning respect for yourself

Earning respect from yourself is probably harder than earning respect from others.

Remember those values again?

• If you aim to be an honest, caring person who accepts that everyone is different, always tries hard and is willing to share and help others, then living up to your aims can be very difficult.
• Don't give yourself too hard a time if you sometimes make mistakes. Mistakes are what we learn from.
• Earning respect from others is easy if you live by the values we talked about at the beginning of this topic. People will soon know that you are the kind of person who can be trusted to do the right thing, behave in a caring way and respect others' rights to be themselves.

Respect family
Equity for everyone
Say sorry, please and thank you
People deserve respect
Ensure that everyone's rights are respected
Carry respect into all of your life
Take time to respect yourself

In conclusion, everyday discourse and practices insist that respect and self-respect are personally, socially, politically, and morally important, and philosophical discussions of the concepts bear this out. Their roles in our lives as individuals, as people living in complex relations with other people and surrounded by a plethora of other beings and things on which our attitudes and actions have tremendous effects, cannot, as these discussions reveal, be taken lightly. The discussions thus far shed light on the nature and significance of the various forms of respect and self-respect and their positions in a nexus of profoundly important but philosophically challenging and contestable concepts. These discussions also reveal that more work remains to be done in clarifying these attitudes and their places among and implications for our concepts and our lives.

Thus the presence of respect can help transform conflicts, by providing opportunities that did not exist before. At the same time, the absence of respect can lead to conflict. What makes some of ussucceed in negotiations and dialogue where many other fail, especially in their dealings with cultures other than our own? What makes this different betweeen each others? Recognize respect to be a basic human right, treat individuals and states with dignity, and you will receive a more sustainable response. The relationships so established will be based on mutual trust and respect, and hence is likely to last. In contrast, if you browbeat your enemies (or both sides if you are the mediator) then even though the goal may be attained, the relationship will be resentful, and backlash, more than stable peace is the more likely outcome.