Resourceful Conversations

Being resourceful when it matters most

On a good day, we can be really resourceful.? Things happen and we think them through together objectively and with purpose.? We use our experience, blend it with a dash of new thinking, and make a great decision that has the effect we want.? We have access to all our resources, and those of the people we connect with.? We feel good.

?That’s your experience every day, isn’t it?

?No??

Of course not.

Three things regularly get in the way of being resourceful:

• The ambiguity of the things that happen – we live in highly connected and fast changing times.? There are fewer simple, clear answers.
• The different motivations and perspectives of the people involved.? People disagree about what to do.
• Our own habits and reactions.? We like things and people to fit our preferences.? When they don’t, we get uncomfortable.

Ambiguity, disagreement and discomfort create tension.? That tension can feel positive (we jump to a positive conclusion, feel good and hold it tight) and negative (we jump to a negative conclusion, feel bad and hold it tight).?

In both cases it narrows our thinking, and limits what’s possible, personally and collectively.

There’s a lot of advice out there about how to handle this:

• Stuff on how to handle decision making, strategy, design, change, innovation
• Stuff on how to influence and communicate and engage people
• Stuff on how to understand and take care of yourself

The problem is, it’s all great in principle, in theory.?

And on a good day, it works.?

But we wanted to know, what do you do on a bad day?? When it doesn’t work?

When multiple things are in play, and you’re in a specific conversation, with these particular people, the tension has just kicked in, and you can’t remember all the theories, never mind choose which is relevant and act on it.?

How do you stay resourceful when it really matters?

We’ve experienced these challenges ourselves, many times. So we decided we’d look to find a way to address it, a key to staying resourceful, whatever the situation.

Over the years we’ve researched and practised a lot, on ourselves, and with hundreds of friends, connections, and clients.? We found many things that help, but the foundation of them all is something we call Resourceful Conversations.? A simple set of principles to notice when you get grabbed by something, ‘good’ or ‘bad’, to get curious about it and hold it lightly, and then to ground yourself in what matters to you in that particular moment, before moving in a more considered way to choose what you do next.

We can’t stop ourselves reacting, but we can practice noticing the reaction, and making other choices.? When it matters.

Below is a graphic with one version of the sequence, with a ‘starter’ set of questions for a team.? We have used many other questions, but the container – the sequence – is always there.? You can use this with yourself, and in conversations with other people.? You can sometimes use the whole thing, sometimes use just one part.

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Resourceful Conversations is not a hammer.? It’s not something you can just turn up and recite and expect the situation to become an obliging nail.? For this to work at all, you, and the other people involved, need to agree you want to talk about these questions, and feel OK about answering them honestly, and being open to new thinking, new insights, from yourself and others.

?In the coming weeks we’ll be posting more detail, about why these things matter and how they are already making a difference.

Feel free to experiment and play – it’s how we learn and grow.

Let us know how you get on.

Let us know what questions you have too.

Resourceful Conversations - the spiral model, it's principles and expressions - is a joint enterprise between, and copyright of, Kathryn Pope and Alan Arnett, 2024 onwards.