Resolving Parental Disputes in Family Courts: Fact or Fiction?
KIDS COME FIRST c.i.c. Separated Parent Support and Training Workshops
Child-Focused Support & Training Workshops for Separated Parents since 2015.
With the current backlog in the Family Courts (exacerbated even further by the Covid pandemic) is it realistic for parents to expect our judicial system to offer meaningful help and support for families who are experiencing the distress of divorce or separation?
Separating parents need to recognise and appreciate that in bringing family matters before the Courts, they are, in essence, relinquishing ‘control’ of their family’s future and thereby reducing their capacity to resolve their own parental issues. By handing over parental ‘power’ to a judicial system that is effectively a 'lottery' with its extremely adversarial and combative style, the risk is, that the court process may only serve to aggravate, and often escalate, the conflict.
It is not surprising then that Courts cannot always be expected to come to the rescue of a family who are shipwrecked out on an ‘emotional sea’. Judges are often required to make monumental decisions for families, sometimes having only just met the parents briefly and in most cases, never even having met the children. How can family court judges be expected to satisfy the detailed requirements of a family whose lives they have no knowledge of?
The impossible position of the Court creates a “nobody wins” atmosphere, which does little to encourage positive & effective co-parenting and can only generate more resentment. In an attempt to discredit each other as parents, former partners often ‘paint’ an entirely disapproving, negative and harmful profile of one other. This kind of damaging ‘tactic’ usually only serves to encourage suspicion and mistrust.
It’s a destructive approach to dealing with an already very fragile system that can only be likened to taking a sledgehammer to an already shattered glass flower. So how can this create a positive basis on which to build a future co-parenting model when parents who are emotionally raw from separation end up thrashing it out in the Courts?
Whilst it is both recommended and essential to fully understand your legal rights and entitlements, parents should bear in mind that solicitors fight solely for their clients. In this respect any legal advice you receive does not necessarily take into account the needs of the whole family. For this reason it’s important to think carefully before entering a system that may create further resentment, leaving you mentally exhausted, financially depleted and emotionally battered.
The Courts can be very effective but cannot be the ‘fixer’ of all problems. Family situations and dynamics vary so greatly these days and everyone’s situation is unique. By diminishing your own decision-making capacity as parents and blaming each other, you could find yourself unpleasantly surprised at the outcome.