Resolving Conflicts, Do We Really Know What It Takes?

By Leonard Keith Ng, Lutheran Community Care Services Ltd

Disagreements are not uncommon; and conflicts, occur for everyone and can happen in all settings – at work, amongst peers, within the family or even in your own neighbourhood. However, each experience can range from mildly negative to extremely harrowing and often, the issue is typically not the conflict, but the missing process of either preventing or resolving it.

While it seems common sense that resolving conflict is important, it almost human nature to yet stay away from addressing it. Some considerations as to why people hold back on conflict management could be:

• What I stand to gain or lose from being involved?
• How impacted will I be from this conflict?
• Do I have the necessary skills to manage the conflict well?

At LCCS, we believe in the premise of relationships and community. I have been involved in working with various individuals from different community settings through the conflicts they face – from neighbours to students and even working colleagues.

On one occasion, we worked with a group of senior management staff from a marine solutions industry. The management staff had been working with each other for over 20 years. However, there always had been underlying issues between the members which were never addressed. They simply got by each day focusing on the business and not the relationships.

The Executive Director had reached his wits end and felt that something had to be done, so he reached out to LCCS. Through a 2 half-days experience with LCCS, we provided the space for meaningful conversations to happen.

One segment provided a safe space for the members to share the challenges they had faced in the team, which allowed for honest and vulnerable conversations. They narrated their thoughts and feelings in a way that none had ever seen or heard before albeit having 20 years of working relationships.

What was interesting was that the space we held, was not aimed explicitly at fixing a specific issue. Rather, it was simply to provide opportunities for missing conversations to occur. This experience allowed the senior management to hear challenges and grievances from a different style of engagement and organically work towards having stronger relationships.

There are a few learning points from that experience:

• Firstly, there already had been existing relationships between the senior management members.
• Secondly, they had an identity to their community and to the organisation.
• Thirdly, having working relationships means when something happens, they are affected collegially and personally.
• Fourthly, providing a safe space created an opportunity for grievances to be worked on.

These learning points tie back to the initial considerations I had mentioned on why people might hold back on conflict management.

In conclusion, the most important notion would be what kind of community do we want to belong in. One with meaningful relationships and a strong sense of healthy identity? Or just acquaintances where we bear no social responsibility to?

On the 24th of November, LCCS and NVPC’s Community Matters team will be hosting an online event to explore the topic of conflict management within conflict. If we believe that our communities matter, how can we then contribute to the growth and health of the community?

And when things go wrong, do we get involved to repair the harm and restore the community? Most importantly, what are the proactive measures in place that actively builds community so that when conflict occurs, we are more invested to want to do something about it? Join us to reflect and rumble on the topic.

Sign up at https://www.eventbrite.sg/e/navigating-conflict-in-communities-tickets-453535064587?aff=ebdsoporgprofile

Featuring speakers: Dipa Swaminathan , Li May Ang , Siva Krishnasamy

Hosted and moderated by: Grace Ann Chua