Resolve for better New Year's Resolutions

We need change, but New Year's resolutions generally don't work. What do we do?

My book The Rule of 70, a Single Rule for a Rewarding Life asks people to examine their remaining years, to change their outlook, and live more deliberately, with greater appreciation for friends, family and the scarcity of time. I claim that in less than ten years you can completely change how people perceive you.

But how do we change?

Resolutions at New Year are a tradition that about 30% of people attempt. Turning to a new calendar is a psychological gate we pass through, so it's natural to want a reset.

Pew Research notes younger people, 20-39 make resolutions at much higher rates than their older counterparts. The half-life of a resolution is a few months. By the end of the year, 80-90% of resolutions can be categorized as abandoned or incomplete, just in time for new resolutions. The chart below shows only a 59% completion rate three weeks into the new year.

When studied, resolutions tend to be too grand, too vague and not easily measurable. “I want to eat healthier”, “I want to get in shape”. Most have to do with self, and most are too informal. People don’t set themselves up for accountability.

James Clear has the formula. He broke habits into their smallest increment in his book Atomic Habits. He proves habits are a response to a craving, triggered by a cue and done for a reward. Bad and good habits are part of a system. Change the cues, change the reward, and you get a different response. Small change works. A 1% change daily compounds. By the end of the year you will be 37 times improved.

Don’t worry about the goal. Ensure the system serves the goal. Don’t worry about the duration of your actions, frequency and repetition mean more. Clear suggests effortlessness to establish a habit. Don’t set tasks that don’t give quick satisfaction. Reduce friction with a supportive environment. Hang around people you like and have your desired behavior.

Turn a general ambition into a ritual by stacking baby steps.

Example: “I want to expand my professional network, to improve my career".

Solution:

1) On Sunday evenings, in 20 minutes or less I will find contact info for three people I don’t know, but would like to.

2) After the third contact info is recorded, I will have a small piece of cake.

3) Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday, at 8:30, just before my 9:00 cup of coffee, I will draft an email or DM to the person I want to get to know, tell them why it's important to me, and invite them to meet with me (coffee, lunch, a phone call). Check them off your list when complete.

The rewards are simple, you get cake and coffee, not a better career (initially). Only with frequency and repetition will you get the big prize. If 90% of your target contacts turn out to be unhelpful, your professional network will be expanded by 15 helpful people a year. Over 5 years 75 people.

Improve to a 20% success rate, it's 30 helpful people a year and 150 over 5 years. Too many, I know. A high-quality problem.

Another easy good habit is a general rule to recapture lost time.

“Touch it once” works for many overwhelmed people. If you pick up a bill, open an email, or encounter a broken item, attending to it immediately will get the task completed and out of your mindshare. It saves the time needed to rehash the issue later. Stop moving the piles of papers around. Touch them once and be done with them.

Touching it once does not mean you act on every prompt. It may be as simple as delegating, archiving, or the recycling bin. Periodically, look to automate steps. Set up autopay, unsubscribe. Some items require more thought. Move them along the decision tree by setting up a call, meeting, or requesting more information on the spot.

Bad habit? Change the cue. My wife often ‘helps’ while we are driving on a crowded highway. She anticipates the actions of other drivers and often makes a statement, “look out for that truck”, usually when my foot is already on the brake. It was a source of minor annoyance for years. I sometimes would respond, annoyed, “I see it”. Occasionally she was alerting me to something I had not seen. That bothered me more because it pointed out my deficiency.

I solved the problem. The cue, her worried observation, triggered my annoyed reaction. I simply put friction in front of my negative reaction. I now say “Thank you” in response to her cue. It diffuses everything in my mind. It is a reminder that she loves me and does not want us hurt. If I am already reacting to the situation, I feel no need to say anything more unless she is pointing to something I did not see. Then I can admit my mistake more easily and express more gratitude.

So reset your idea of resolutions. Build a system of little steps and small rewards. Reduce friction for good habits, increase it for bad, and share your aspirations and action plan with someone who will keep you honest.

Happy New Year!

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