Resolutions Rewired: Your Secret Plan for a Better 2019

It seems like the end of January sneaks up on us so fast! While some of you are still crushing it on your New Year's Resolutions, I suffice to say that some of you may have already fallen off the wagon. If you fall into the latter category, keep reading.

Are super disciplined people the only ones who get to see the joys of sticking to a goal? The answer is no.

So how can goal setting work for anyone, including you? I challenge you to change the way you envision yourself accomplishing your goals.

Follow me just for a moment. . . I recently came across a neuroimaging study conducted by researchers at UCLA, that displays how our brain distinguishes our current self from our future self. It was a complete wake-up call for me. I’ll briefly sum it up. When we think about our future selves, we use the same part of our brain that we use when we think of a celebrity (So basically, when I pictured the 2025 version of me, I pretty much pictured Beyonce). On the other hand, when we think about ourselves in the present tense, a completely different cortex of our brain is activated!

“Why is that?” Because we see our current selves and our future selves as two totally different people. This throws a wrench in our goal setting plans because of a phenomenon known as temporal discounting, a phenomena where we care so much more about our present-day self that we are willing to satisfy ourselves now at the expense of our future self. Our future self might as well be a fictional character and not even a fictional protagonist! Sometimes we treat our future self more like a fictional supporting character that we have yet to delve into or even understand.

“So who cares if the 20 years from now version of me is fat, has heart disease and type 2 diabetes,  the today me wants to taste every bit of this cake!”

In order to get from point A (our current self) to point B (our future self), we need to plan our goals and set a strategy for achieving them based on who and where we are NOW.

The Lofty & Vague Goal Trap

How many of you have set super lofty and/or vague goals? If you’re not sure, maybe these sound familiar:

• I want to lose 20 lbs.
• Get 8 hours of sleep each night
• I want to save $30,000 for a down payment on a house
• I want to get married in the next 2 years
• Get a new job

We often set lofty and vague goals and it keeps us right where we are. When we fail to get a clear understanding of where to start the goal, it’s much harder to actually get from point A to B, let alone, A to Z!  The more detailed we are in our goal plan, the more realistic it becomes, and the closer we get to imagine our current self actually achieving it. Of course you’ll want to know where you’ll eventually end up, but one of the best ways to achieve your goal is to take that large goal and pare it down (wayyy down), thus removing the loftiness out of the beginning stages.  See how you do with a small goal and then work your way up.

Here’s how to get started.

STEP 1: GATHER INFORMATION

• ASK FOR HELP: To get into goal setting mode with confidence, show up armed with the knowledge that you need to succeed. Chances are, you aren’t the first person to achieve it, so ask for help. Gather details of how others have achieved their goals. Ask in-person, post the question to your social media audience, ask neighbors, read articles, or watch YouTube videos. There are tons of people who have done the work. Chances are you’ll get a lot of different answers, but you’ll have a starting point.
• DO YOUR HOMEWORK: Follow your testimonials up by digging deeper and doing your own research. Is there a particular formula behind your goal? For instance, if you want to save money can you do some simple math to navigate how much you should earn, spend, and save? If you want to lose weight, research can point you towards how to burn 3500 calories (1 lb.) in relation to how many calories you take in.

STEP 2: NARROW IT DOWN

If you’ve completed the Gather information phase, you still might be overwhelmed with information. Now its time to narrow down your goal and then narrow it down some more, and narrow it down again until you have the first step that includes the number 1 (Lose 1 pound, Get 1 more hour of sleep, save 1% of my income this month to go towards the down payment, create a profile on 1 dating app, submit 1 job application,  etc.).

Goal setting is a skill.

Start small and keep practicing with small goals until you’re ready for a medium sized goal.

STEP 3: WRITE IT DOWN

According to a goal setting study conducted by Dominican University in California, You are 42 percent more likely to achieve your goals if you write them down. Not that I’m cherry-picking here, there is study after study that highlights the positive impact of writing your goals. So . . .

WRITE IT DOWN!!!!

Spell out your goal in clear and understandable terms, almost as if you’re writing a brief contract to yourself. Here’s what to focus on:

• PICK ONE GOAL: If you’re either new to goal setting or haven’t had success with it in the past, try focusing on one goal for now.  
• KEEP IT SMART: Many of us have heard of or used SMART Goals in the past, but here’s a refresher. You want your goal to be Specific, Measurable, Attainable, Realistic, and Time-Bound. Narrow your goal down to the power of 1 so that you have somewhere to actually begin.
• ACTION ITEMS: Write specific actions that you plan to conduct, when you will conduct them, and for how long.
• KEEP IT VISIBLE: Post your goal somewhere where you can see it on a daily basis.

STEP 4: EXECUTE

This tends to be what makes or breaks success. At this stage, you know exactly what to do, it’s just a matter of IF you do it or not. Knowing the resources and support that you need upfront can help lay the foundation of your path to success. Here are the top ways to that you can lay that foundation and reach your goal!

Failing to plan is planning to fail.

• DON'T GO IT ALONE: Get an accountability group or partner. I want you to literally write a list of people who can hold you accountable. Find people who you know are willing to give you a bit of tough love and ask them to help you and schedule consistent check-ins.
• CHECK YOUR ENVIRONMENT: Are your surroundings or the people with whom you surround yourself conducive or corrosive for your success? We can’t always change who we live with, go to school with, or work with, but we can supplement with positive podcasts, books, articles, and attending events that inspire you to do better.
• HABITS OVER MOTIVATION: Motivation can wane, but when we do something enough times, it becomes second nature. We do it whether we feel like doing it or not. That's why building habits that are in line with your goals are so important.
• DEVELOP ACTION TRIGGERS: To help form an instant habit- Associating one action with another by doing X when Y happens. For example, if you wake up at 6 am, keep your running shoes by your bed and go for a run. Over time, you will associate getting out of bed with going for a run.
• MINOR SETBACKS HAPPEN, KEEP GOING: It’ll be hard to get to the “habit” phase and there will be days when you try to lean on motivation to no avail. That’s fine! If you have a setback or miss one day or heck, one week of progress, it’s never too late to turn it around! Don’t wallow in sorrow, just get back up and keep going.
• FEEDBACK: Assess yourself and have your accountability group/partner give you feedback on your progress. How you respond to the feedback is key! Are you motivated or stifled by the reality of achieving or failing to achieve your goal?

Our success fuels us to want to do better. That’s why people keep going when they start to see results. Don't give up on your resolution, you can start fresh in February!

Brenda Bridges is an Atlanta-based career & dating coach, Founder of Your Lively Life and General Manager at Thinkful Atlanta. As a former recruiter, she teaches others how to create and optimize stellar Linkedin & dating profiles to attract the jobs and relationships of their dreams. She’s also human and therefore she occasionally posts about life, love, food, health, and fun!

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originally posted at YourLivelyLife.com/blog