Resiliency (and 5 things that help me)

We maintain our self-image and self-esteem relative to the positive or negative values associated with group/team membership and by comparing with other groups. Positive identity (feeling good) is largely based on comparisons, this idea is supported by Magda Arnold’s appraisal theory (1960). What this means is that the power of the collective team leads to higher levels of self-esteem and resiliency with its individual members. If you feel good/positive, then you are much more likely to remain more resilient. The culture of the team affects how you feel, and your feelings affect the culture. Get the culture right to create stronger resiliency, both in individuals and as a collective. Strength in numbers but only if those numbers are made up of the right people with the right mind-set. If you set your team up for perennial success rather than quick fixes or easy wins then you will be more resilient as a team.

On a more personal note, stepping away slightly from the team context, I am often asked what strategies I use to stay resilient in challenging times. I do not think I necessarily have strategies per se, I have a way of being and a way of thinking that helps me to stay grounded. There is no right or wrong and everyone is different.

Here are 5 things that help me:

1. I was taught many years ago a resistance to interrogation technique that takes your mind to a different place, a good place, your own space. Sometimes I delve into that place as it really helps if things are starting to pile up a bit in my mind. To do this you simply need to find your own ‘special place’ - this can be something that you really enjoy doing or somewhere from your childhood that holds immensely happy memories for you. There is an extreme example of this with the story of Major James Nesmeth who spent 7 years as a prisoner of war in Vietnam. His special place was the golf course and he visualised playing every day whilst held in captivity. When he set foot on a golf course again after not playing for over 7 years his game had massively improved. The golf (special place) is what kept him going through the dark times. No one can tell you what your special place, or thing is but make it real and something that calms you. When things get bad and it is safe to do so, take yourself there – steady your breathing and let your mind only be in that place. Nothing else matters. At that point, you see, hear and feel nothing around you – you are completely immersed in your place. When I return from my place, I am much calmer and able to concentrate and move forward.
2. Another great technique I use that is similar to some NLP tools is to imagine a time in your life when you were confident, assertive and resilient. Visualise this situation as if you were watching a film of it. Play the film to yourself and see your behaviour and imagine your thoughts at the time. If you cannot think of a situation that involves yourself, think of a person you believe is confident, assertive and resilient and picture their situation and behaviour. Play the film (visualisation) repeatedly and use a trigger word to remind you of the feeling and the situation. Your trigger word could be any word – but let us say it is the word ‘resilient’. This is a great way to help reframe your thinking and see things in a different way.
3. I also really enjoy gardening; it is a real passion of mine. Being in the garden and with nature is just so cathartic. There is something about it that has a huge calming effect on me and helps me to stay grounded. The fresh air, vitamin D, touch of earth running through your fingers and the look and feel of a garden as it flourishes is an immensely powerful natural medicine. If you do not like the idea of gardening maybe just try growing one thing in a pot - see how you get on. Gardening aside my biggest advice would always be to get outside - be at one with nature (it is up to you if you want to hug trees).
4. I use the support I have around me – the ones I love and who love me. The importance of friends and family can never be underestimated. Be open with your family and friends about how you are feeling and talk about it. Joke, sing, dance or just be in each other’s virtual company. In times when I may be feeling a little low the sight of my daughter’s or my son’s smile always raises me back up. The same goes for your team if you have one. Use the strength of each other, lean on one another and truly support each other. Speak as regularly as you can and speak openly and honestly.
5. Finally, I put things in perspective by thinking about times that I have been in worse situations before and more importantly, that there are many, many people a lot worse off than I am. I am incredibly lucky! For example, I remember feeling particularly tired and homesick when I was on a training exercise in Kenya several years ago. I was driving with a couple of colleagues when we were flagged down by a local who pleaded with us to take their son to the local hospital to be treated for a snake bite. The local hospital was 8km away – quite a distance for an injured young boy to walk or be carried by someone but in our Land Rover it would take little time. We rushed this young boy to the local convent, which was also the hospital, his breathing had worsened, and my limited team medic training told me that it was not looking good. I had him in my arms and literally kicked the doors open and rushed in. Looking back, it was like a scene from a film – there should have been a large cinematic sound score playing as I entered. I handed the boy to the stunned nuns/ nurses and went to comfort the father as best as I could.

?Using our interpreter, I learned that the boy had been bitten by a snake not too far from his home while he was on his daily 5km walk to school. The family had no mode of transport and the 10km round trip walk to and from school took place every day.

An hour or so later one of the nurses came out to inform the father that the boy had died. That episode in my life taught me to never, ever take for granted what I have – things can always be worse. Ground yourself to find more resilience.

One last point that is relevant to resiliency is a reminder that you should always search for purpose over happiness. If you have a purpose you generally feel happier and as a result you are in a better position to tackle life’s challenges. Imagine now the power of a collective team purpose!

All the best.

Dave

A short extract from Team Foundations - www.teamfoundations.co.uk

Further reading recommendation - Wabisugi, The Art of Resilience for Everyday Warriors - https://wabisugi.scoreapp.com