Resilience as a Way of Being
Bouncing Back After a Disappointment
Everybody has to contend with disappointments. We all face our share of setbacks, reversals and defeats. It’s a natural part of everyday life. Some are small and easy to shrug off. Some are major and can take the wind right out of your sails and leave you hopelessly adrift without a compass and without the courage to get up and renew your journey to success.
But how do you deal with life’s inevitable challenges? What’s your best strategy for turning defeat into a renewed campaign for success? How do you deal with life’s inevitable disappointments?
When we focus on our gratitude, the tide of disappointment goes out and the tide of love rushes in.
- Kristin Armstrong
Let’s start by asking ourselves where our disappointment comes from. Have you ever considered that it might be possible that you plan for disappointment? Does that seem like a very odd question to you? Have you ever considered that you might’ve prepared yourself for defeat by choosing wildly unrealistic goals?
The first defence against disappointment is to make sure that your goals and expectations are fully achievable. It might seem obvious at first glance but many goals are abandoned because they’re completely unachievable. So, by avoiding unrealistic or untenable goals, you’re obviously less likely to be disappointed. Yet, it’s fair to say that many people plan for defeat or disappointment. Both for themselves as well as for others.
For example, if you set unrealistic standards of behaviour for other people, do you really expect them to meet your expectations? It’s an obvious recipe for disappointment. The result will be a shrug of the shoulders and a confirmation that people are never willing to live up to your expectations. But it’s also a subtle way for you to guarantee that you’re always going to be right, isn’t it?
I’d like to suggest that there’s a major difference between setting high standards of personal conduct - and leading by example – and setting the bar so high for everyone else that they’re doomed to failure.
Parents are sometimes guilty of this kind of seriously misplaced ambition for their children. The kids can never fulfil their parent’s expectations because the goal is beyond the reach of their best efforts. And the kids rarely receive any recognition for what they do achieve. That’s a great formula for a future life of grinding disappointment.
We could easily apply the same insights to other relationships. How many people get married, for instance, under the illusion of hopelessly unrealistic expectations? Marriage can be a uniquely demanding enterprise for both parties but enduring love, support and happiness can surely be enhanced if we’re better prepared to enter into the relationship with more realistic expectations.
In our monogamous part of the world, to marry means to halve one's rights and double one's duties.
- Arthur Schopenhauer
Even when the goals are realistic and supported by an effective plan and appropriate action, disappointments are still going to show up. Crises develop. Businesses collapse. People separate. Relationships break up. Difficulties multiply. But this does not mean that the game is over. These are setbacks and there’s no denying that they can certainly be painful and life-changing. But they are not the end.
To rise above the fear, chaos and disappointment, we need to free ourselves from our immediate reactions. If we intend to rise above our challenges, our first mission in the midst of turmoil is to find our centre and breathe until we can find an essential sense of inner calm. We need to find the eye in the heart of the storm where stillness prevails amidst the chaos.
This is by far the best place for us to begin again. This is where we can make our positive declarations. This is the place where we can resolve to get back on our feet and try again. To rise above the obstacles and limitations. To accept the setbacks but to release any disappointment. To channel our energy towards worthwhile and achievable goals. To take the necessary action based on what needs to be done. Not based on our fears, regrets or disappointments. To rise above the temporary defeat and get back in the game.
Bruised – perhaps. Wiser – most certainly. Determined – yes, and even unstoppable.
Disappointment to a noble soul is what cold water is to burning metal;
it strengthens, tempers, intensifies, but never destroys it.
- Eliza Tabo
We’ve all tasted the bitterness of disappointment and most of us know the pain of a broken heart. But the message in this post is one of abiding hope and renewed energy. Let’s make a declaration right now that our lives will not be shaped by our defeats and disappointments but rather by our willingness to pursue our dreams and aspirations until we create the success that justifies the hard, rocky climb to our summit.
We Always Do Better When We Work Together
Do you need a helping hand? These are difficult and uncertain times for everyone but we don't need to face our problems alone. A helping hand and an experienced, professional guide to help you navigate life's rocky pathways can make the world of difference to your journey. We've been helping people to deal with life's difficulties for more than twenty years. Perhaps it's time for you to get the kind of support that could make a real difference to your life.
These are difficult and uncertain times for everyone but we don't need to face our problems alone. A helping hand and an experienced, professional guide to help you navigate life's rocky pathways can make the world of difference to your journey. We've been helping people to deal with life's difficulties for more than twenty years. Perhaps it's time for you to get the kind of support that could make a real difference to your life.
You can contact us directly to work through our Cognitive Behavioural Empowerment Programmes on a one-to-one basis or - if you prefer - the Wellbeing Foundation Courses for Personal Growth and Transformation are now available for you in a super online format. It really couldn’t be easier to access our resources. It’s like having Greg alongside you in the comfort of your own home. And the Courses have been designed to help you work through the material at your own pace and at your own convenience. We’re here to help you to :
- Master Your Stress
- Turn Up Your Energy and Turn Down Your Anxiety
- Discover How to Tap into Your Creativity
- Sleep Better and Discover How it Feels to Wake Up Feeling Refreshed
- Break Free from the Past
- Create a Brighter, happier, Healthier and More Rewarding Future for Yourself
You can contact Greg and his Team directly and explore our online courses and material via our website at:
Come and join us today and discover fresh, new ways to experience your life on a whole new level of personal happiness, enjoyment, success and fulfilment.
We’re here to help you take back control of your life!
And if you enjoy these blogs, you can imagine how much fun it is to have Greg in the room as an inspirational and highly perceptive speaker. If you’d like to invite Greg to talk to your company or organisation or event, either in person or via the Internet, please feel free to get in touch. We’d love to hear from you.
Greg Parry created The Wellness Foundation and the Cognitive Empowerment Programs specifically to help people master their stress, overcome their limitations and explore the power of their true potential.