Resilience Through Repeated Blows: How I Built Unshakable Self-Belief

When I was in middle school, my Chinese teacher was known for being brutally honest. She never cared about sparing our feelings and would often say things that really hurt our self-esteem. She’d even say, "This is just who I am—I speak my mind." At first, the school thought her approach was wrong and that she was damaging students’ self-esteem.

Then one day, she asked us, "Do you know why I use such harsh words that hurt your feelings?" We were all curious. She explained that she had seen many brilliant students who, when they failed, couldn't handle it because they had such high self-esteem. They had never faced failure before and were incredibly fragile. When they finally did hit a setback, it often led to extreme reactions, even mental breakdowns or worse.

She told us that her harsh words were meant to help us build resilience against failure. She knew that life would throw many challenges our way, and to develop true confidence, we needed to get stronger by facing adversity head-on. No matter what came our way in the future, we’d be able to handle it.

Her words really stuck with me. In my life, I've definitely faced some tough times, including losing loved ones. When I was 13, my mom was in the hospital getting ready for surgery, and my grandfather suddenly passed away. My dad had to attend the funeral while my mom was preparing for surgery. When my dad broke the news to me, I didn’t tell my mom the truth—I told her everything was fine to keep her calm.

I also had a 7-year-old sister at the time. That New Year’s Eve, which should’ve been a time for family togetherness, was just my sister and me at home, taking care of our mom. To top it off, the TV broke that night, so we couldn’t even watch it. The next day, I went to the hospital to see my mom and told her about the TV. She asked me with my Dad to go buy a new one from the store.

But when I got there, none of the salespeople wanted to help me. They even suspected I might’ve stolen someone’s bank card to buy the TV because I was only 13. They couldn’t believe a kid like me could pick out a TV on my own and kept asking where my parents were.

These experiences made me realize that I grew up in a challenging environment. My dad worked for a state-owned enterprise (SOE), which in China is considered a "golden rice bowl"—a stable job with great benefits. The company would send employees’ kids to private schools, often called "elite schools." Growing up there, I was surrounded by the children of the wealthy, who were always comparing their family wealth. As a kid from a middle-class family, I never believed that my family background would determine my future. I was convinced that when I grew up, I’d succeed through my own hard work, not because of my family’s status. I’ve always been a determined person who refused to think that just because their parents had more money, they were better than me. This mindset made me determined to change my destiny through hard work, not by relying on my parents.

When I moved to the U.S., I realized how fragile some people can be. Even small setbacks lead them to rely on antidepressants, therapy, or psychologists. In China, we start building resilience from a young age, growing up under pressure from our environment. If you serve in the Chinese military, your officer will break you down with harsh words, forcing you to let go of all your baggage and become your true self. This kind of resilience training teaches you not to care what others think of you. People can insult or belittle you, but you’ll always know your own worth—you’re unbreakable!

Growing up in that environment, I’m not afraid of adversity. No matter how low I get or how unexpected the challenges, I know I’ll succeed. Greatness comes from persevering through hardship and never giving up! I’m Chao Qun Liang. My Chinese name means "Outstanding," and that’s not just confidence talking—it’s a belief in who I am!

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