Resilience is not a solo journey

The second time I got punched really hard in the face was right here in #Pitsea, Essex. I was 13 years old. The lad who did it, egged on by his gang, hit me for one reason: I wasn’t from there - I lived in a neighbouring town and had a Northern accent.

Today, as I walked through this spot again, as a middle-aged man, I received a message from the contact I was meeting at a local social enterprise: “watch your phone in the underpass.” And I thought to myself, some things don’t change.

But then again, some things do...

Back then, I walked away hurt and confused, unsure why belonging to a certain place could make me a target to a complete stranger. Today, as I walked through that same space, I felt clear I've learnt lots about resilience, and I was also clear that as a working-class white lad, I've had it easier than many.

Later, at my contact's office, we had a deep conversation about how life presents us with moments where we feel like outsiders, moments where we're made to feel like we don't belong. We explored how some of us are weathered significantly more than others by what life throws at us, and it's our job, as leaders, to see and respond to this.

In my early career, I was too ashamed of my roots to share stories like this. I grew up believing that if people smell blood or weakness (or even class), they'Il eat you for dinner.

Over time, I reframed these experiences: I'd say "we can choose to let events break us or shape us". For a long time, I thought resilience was as simple as focusing on where you're headed versus where you've come from, and how to keep walking when the punches come.

But today, I recognise it's not that simple.

As I reflect, before hitting the hay tonight, I’m more clear than ever my resilience wasn’t just built by stepping forward alone, learning how to get up when knocked down?—?it was also forged by people creating opportunities who believed in my potential, even when I couldn’t see my potential myself.

Now, when I face places or people that once made me feel small, I choose to feel significant. I chose to stand in my own being, stronger, not just to survive, but to thrive. But I couldn’t do that without the support of others - some like me, many not. Resilience isn’t a solo journey - it’s something we build together, by lifting each other up.

So thanks to all those who've lifted me, you help me lift others.

And, oddly, thanks to that lad who punched me, you shaped but you didn't define me. I hope your life has turned around. I hope you experience the joy I feel every week when I'm with my family and do the work I do. I hope you found people who believe in you so you could believe in yourself.

And to those who are kind enough to read this far, I hope you give a thought to the people you lift and a little thanks to those who’ve lifted you.

Px