RESILIENCE - MY WORD FOR 2021

I am not one who usually makes a New Year’s Resolution, I have found that by the first day or two of the new year I have already forgotten what I resolved. A couple of my friends choose a New Year’s Word and that made me think about this idea of choosing a word instead of making a resolution. I pondered off and on about how a word might be used over the year and what word I might choose if I were to try this. The more I thought about it, the more I liked the idea and then the word came to me – RESILIENCE.

According to the Merriam-Webster online dictionary, resilience is:  1. the capability of a strained body to recover its size and shape after deformation caused especially by compressive stress; 2. An ability to recover from or adjust easily to misfortune or change. WOW! What a perfect word to describe the passing from 2020 to 2021! 

Resilience is a psychological quality that allows some people to face terrific adversities in life and yet bounce back, sometime even stronger than before. The difficulties and traumatic events don’t overcome them. Resilient people find ways to change course, set new goals, heal emotionally, and move on toward their goals. Resilience doesn’t make your problems go away or mean that you suffer in silence. It doesn’t mean you have to put up with something or figure it out by yourself. Resilience is the ability to adapt when adversity strikes. While you still might feel angry, sad, or filled with grief, resilience is your ability to keep functioning and even find enjoyment in life despite the traumatic circumstances.

Why do some people seem to be naturally resilient and can you learn to be resilient if it doesn’t come naturally? According to Psychology Today, researchers have identified some factors that seem to make a person more resilient. These include a positive attitude, optimism, the ability to regulate emotions, and the ability to see failure as a form of feedback. Although this is still being studied, there also appears to be a genetic predisposition for resilience. However, early environments and life circumstances play a role in how the resilient genes are expressed. Resilience can also be learned. Specific skills such as breaking negative thought cycles, pushing back against catastrophizing and looking for the positives when faced with setbacks can all increase one’s resilience.

As you prepare to celebrate the arrival of a New Year and welcome in 2021, here are 10 tips to help you build resilience:

1.    Plug in, Join the Club and Get Connected. In good times and in bad, we need others to provide support, acceptance, and commiseration. Having a network of close relationships gives us a place to vent, and a sounding board for support. It provides us a place for reflection, constructive criticism, a source for hints and tips, and a place to belong. It’s true that misery loves company. So, phone a friend, join a club, volunteer; even if it is virtual, relationships help build resilience.

2.    Learn to Laugh. Laughter really is the best medicine. Develop a sense of humor and look for the humor in everything. Don’t take yourself too seriously. People who have the ability to bounce back from a setback have a sense of humor. Humor helps us step back and look at things from a fresh perspective.

3.    Be a Lifelong Learner. Every experience is a chance to learn.  Think about how you have coped in the past; what worked and what didn’t? What new skills do you need to help you cope better in the future? Our natural survival skills teach us to learn quickly from our mistakes. Harness that, but don’t dwell on the negative. Take what you can from the experience and then move on.

4.    Be Intentional. Make every day meaningful. Set goals to help you work toward the future. Look for ways to use your difficulties to help others. Even just being willing to tell your story can be tremendously helpful to others. Do things that give you meaning and purpose in your life every day. Know your “True North” and live every moment of every day with your personal values in the driver’s seat. 

5.    Keep the Faith. Remain hopeful even in the darkest days. Hamlet said, “There is nothing either good or bad but thinking makes it so”. Cultivate optimism and pay attention to the positive influences in your world. Hope creates a climate where the difficulties and tragedies we face lose their sting. Accepting that change is a normal part of life and remaining hopeful in the future can make it easier to adapt and even see challenges with less anxiety.

6.    Take Care of Yourself. Eat a healthy diet. Avoid using alcohol or drugs. Get plenty of sleep. Know your own body and its needs and provide for your needs like you would for a dear friend. Practice things such as meditation, yoga, or guided imagery to reduce stress and help you relax. Take a walk or go to the gym; even light exercise can improve your mood and help clear your mind. 

7.    Journal. Writing down your thoughts and feelings helps create meaning and helps you make sense of them. Building your personal story can help you come to terms with it. It makes what happened seem less threatening and it is a good way to reflect more objectively on what actually happened and what your next steps need to be.

8.    Don’t Take it Personally. Don’t think your setbacks were solely due to your own inadequacy. Look for contributing factors. Accept the fact that sometimes we win and sometimes we lose. Life is a mixture of wins and losses so don’t demand perfection from yourself. Practice self-compassion and avoid spiraling into negative thinking.

9.    Manage Expectations. Be realistic about expectations for your self and others. Set realistic goals for yourself but don’t blame yourself if you fail. Self-blame can trigger depression and it becomes a vicious circle. Don’t be afraid to adjust goals as you go along. Measure your success in ways besides material possessions and financial gains. Find joy in the small things such as a phone call from a close friend or the beauty of a colorful sunset.

10. ACT! Don’t ignore your problems. A crisis is the perfect opportunity to change course. Work on being decisive and take concrete actions rather than respond passively. Make a plan and take actions to achieve newly set goals. Manage your emotions so that you perceive you are in control. While you may not be able to control the things that happen in your life, you can control your response to them.  People who believe they are in control of what happens to them have greater resilience.       

Most likely 2021 will be filled with unexpected events and setbacks but by increasing our RESILIENCE we can bounce back stronger than ever. I wish you a very Happy New Year filled with hope, joy, and optimism for the future.