Resilience

“Oh, you know, kids are so resilient.”

To which I would answer, but at what cost?

“Don't let it get to you, you should be more resilient.”?

This seems like something that would have been uttered many years ago and hopefully we have a better understanding or how to be supportive now.?

I have seen the term “resilience” come up a lot recently in posts and articles so I want to open a discussion around the mindset and what the term actually means.?

I think that when a lot of us hear the term “resilience” we think of the definition which most of us grew up with that is only a part of the picture.?

“The capacity to withstand or to recover quickly from difficulties; toughness”.

This harkens back to the times of “tough it out” or “just deal with it”.?

As I mentioned at the top of the article, people will say that kids are resilient. I think that a lot of the time that refers to kids who don't show their emotions (“get emotional”) or who do not seem to react to hard situations and just blow it off.?

The challenge is that if people do not feel comfortable or supported in sharing how they really feel in challenging situations then they may be just masking how they really feel or pushing their feelings and emotions away.?

To go further along that journey the quote “Unexpressed emotions will never die. They are buried alive and will come forth later in uglier ways.”?

This may seem like a large leap but we all approach life based on our filters. These filters are everything from our memories and attitudes all the way to our values and beliefs.?

A lot of these filters are formed from our early years (0-7 imprint) and early childhood (7-14 modeling) and that is where we learn how to interact with the world and what the “rules” are on how we present ourselves.??

The actual complete definition of “resilience” that I think speaks to the truth of how we can best interact with our world is “Resilience is the process and outcome of successfully adapting to difficult or challenging life experiences, especially through mental, emotional, and behavioral flexibility and adjustment to external and internal demands.”

The earlier definition is based on “toughness” and “withstanding and recovering” as this one is more about a mindset of curious and flexible thinking that allows you to adapt to your experiences and grow from them.?

This gives you a space to be able to process events in a way that helps you to be open to learning and growing.?

When we face challenges in life, it is ok to be able to process and deal with them as we see fit.?

The goal would then be to be able to see it clearly for what it is and to learn all the lessons we need to learn from it.?

That can be anything from mental, emotional and physical lessons.?

When I was a little guy running around like crazy and I fell and skinned my knee, I learned to not run down the driveway without checking for my toys I left out.?

Were there times when you felt you had to tough it out and just get over it that didn't allow you to fully understand the situation and grow?

What are some lessons you learned from having a positive mindset of resilience?

I would love to hear about your experiences in the comments section.?