Resilience - It's Not for the Select Few

“I can be changed by what happens to me. But I refuse to be reduced by it.” ― Maya Angelou

According to Physics, resilience is the capability of a strained body to recover its size and shape after deformation caused especially by compressive stress. Ho-hum. In other words, the ability of some “strained body” to return to an original state after a period of duress. Are you already yawning? Hang in there because it’s about to get good! 

My life has shown me that resilience is not about returning to an original state - but improving! 

Change is always present and should be celebrated because without change we would atrophy, or better said – we would decay instead of evolving. Yet many people look at change as a threat/obstacle and forget that we are actually built for change – or else we would still be walking around, hunched over with our hands dragging on the floor looking for Fred and Barney. Ok - let’s not open the discussion about our daily posture with all of us hunched over our phones, but I am sure you get the point.

Unfortunately, resilience seems to be touted - rather marketed - as only for a select few. Can I just say, in my opinion, that is Donkey Dust - a.k.a complete BS!

I believe that each of us has the ability to bounce back, recover, adapt, and adjust.

In the 1960s researchers revealed that we are born with only two inherent fears, the fear of being dropped and the fear of loud noise. Regardless, with time we learn to sift change into two categories: THREATS or OPPORTUNITIES. 

We are hard-wired to protect ourselves, so it is easier to go with the default of “danger Will Robinson” and crank up the fear machine. Remember Willy Wonka and the Everlasting Gobstopper machine, there you go – you create Everlasting Progress Stoppers – i.e. Fears. This does not mean you are not resilient – it means you have left the machine running on autopilot and are not exercising your resilience.

From a young age, I had to confront some difficult situations which gave me the opportunity to train my resilience muscle. I thank the universe every day for those experiences. Why you may ask - well - those experiences gave me the wherewithal later in life to support my amazing wife in achieving her goals throughout her long difficult illness. Following her passing, I again flexed resilience to rebuild my life. These events solidified, what I have come to believe is a formula anyone can follow to rediscover their resilience. 

It is important to understand that I view resilience as nothing more than a philosophy - "punto e basta" (plain and simple). Something that needs to be intentionally and deliberately practiced in your life. You can think of resilience as the inevitable outcome from a cumulative process of becoming aware of your own internal strength and adaptability. 

It is the ability to consciously redirect your thought process from a Victim mentality to that of a “THRIVER”. Over time and with practice you will find your default changing from “danger” to “why would I succumb now when I have already come so far”. You'll have thoughts such as “you don’t get to be swallowed up by this, not after all you have already been through.”, and over time will stand tall, viewing life from the plateau of opportunity.

 “Throw me to the wolves and I will come back leading the back” - Seneca

That said, my life has shown me that resilience is found at the intersection between Purpose, Perspective, and Personal Power, [3Ps] - with personal power being fueled by Vulnerability, Positivity, Levity, and Letting Go. 

Purpose:

What are your key values? What makes you look forward to today?

“He who has a why to live can bear almost any how.” - Friedrich Nietzsche

Perspective:

What stories are you telling yourself? What are the real truths in what is happening? What limiting beliefs are you carrying?

“If you could kick the person in the pants responsible for most of your trouble, you wouldn't sit for a month.” - Theodore Roosevelt

Personal Power:

I believe personal power is the sum of 4 key elements:

• Vulnerability - This is the doorstep to your power and failing to step through will impede your personal power from being fully manifested. Vulnerability is the seed of true courage. Speaking for myself, I grew up with a belief that to “go it alone” was to be valiant - self-reliance was a sign of a strong person. Over time, I found the most courageous, helpful, and rewarding thing one can do is to reach out when in need - whether it be to friends, family, or a professional figure such as a Life Coach. Vulnerability is such an important component of your personal power and I strongly suggest watching this TED Talk by #brenebrown
• Positivity - This is the skill to acknowledge the positive things happening in your life regardless of what is going on around you. Do not color your entire experience as negative when going through difficult times - celebrate the positive things, regardless of how insignificant you might be defining them.
• Levity - Take the time to seek out humor daily – no matter how dire a situation presents itself to be. This allows you to be bigger than the situation and laughing in the face of adversity can profoundly diminish the negative feelings constricting your personal power. For those of you that are fans of #harrypotter, like me, you can think of this as akin to the Riddikulus spell. A spell used by the students at Hogwarts to combat a Boggart - a representation of each student's hidden fear - by turning it into something funny - ridiculous.
• Letting Go - Resentment is one of the most lethal poisons we can ever ingest. It fuels the belief that something is happening to us. The Buddha said that resentment is like picking up a hot coal to throw at who (or what) we are mad at. Regardless of hitting the target - it is the one who throws the coal that is burned the worst. Instead of living from a perspective of “why is this happening to me?” – try this perspective out for size – “how can I use this?”.

“Personal power is not the end of the process. It is a tool that you use to get someplace.” - Frederick Lenz

Remember, you can’t go to the gym and start bench pressing hundreds of pounds on day one - therefore be patient with yourself, and slowly your resilience will reveal itself. It’s always been inside you, if it wasn’t, the human race would not have survived, evolved nor innovated.

#empoweryourself | www.robertpardi.com | #possibilityinaction