Reshaping Expectations: A Resolution for 2022

More than four years ago, we published a book that began with the following premise: “You’re not what I expected.”?We used this phrase as a launching pad to help men to recognize and address the unconscious bias, stereotypes, and ingrained expectations that affect women in today’s workplace.?Since we published the book, I’ve changed companies and also continents.?Although I believe many still look at me, as president of a business under the lens of “you’re not what I expected,” today I am more struck by the rephrasing “It is not what I expected.” 2021 was not what I expected.

?????????????We see life through our own unique lens – grounded in our expectations. This is our mindset – the assumptions and expectations we hold about ourselves, our life, and the specific situations around us.??Research shows that mindsets play a significant role in determining our outcomes.?By understanding, adapting and adjusting our mindset, we can improve our response to challenges and become more resilient.

?????????????Although our mindset about topics can be influenced by outside factors, the brain is neuroplastic, meaning networks can continue to grow, change and reorganize throughout our lives.?By challenging ourselves with new experiences and perspectives, contrary to what we are expecting, we can form new neural connections – or mindsets -?at any point in life.

? Along these lines, I wanted to share a few “tips and tricks” that I use to reframe my expectations and move forward with a growth mindset:

1.??????Empty my cup – There is a tradition called “shoshin” or beginner’s mind. It suggests that we should come to every situation with an empty cup, ready to receive.?Emptying our cup, we release our expectation and our sense of “knowing” – allowing us to see what is in front of us. I challenge myself to start always from the beginning with an empty cup.

2.??????Be present – ?There are so many distractions around us. Being present connects us to our experience in such a way that we don’t end up interfering with ourselves or getting in our own way.?It also allows us to take in the moment.

3.??????Practice gratitude – There are many ways to do this, including starting or ending each day with a gratitude journal or even just making sure we take the time to say thank you and recognize others.?What I have found is we get back what we give; why not have this be gratitude? Taking the time to be grateful – and sharing it, is critical.

4.??????Check my assumptions?- One of the most objectionable comments to me is “that’s just how it is” or “we do things this way because that’s how it always has been done.”?Challenging these notions and also ensuring that we are starting from a realistic, self-aware place helps us to adjust our perspective in such a way as to more accurately match reality.

5.??????Exercise – ?Moving around and getting outdoors has always been critical for me – not just for endorphins but to challenge my thinking and expectations.?2021 reinforced for me the power in exercise and to the truth in the expression "mens sana in corpore sano."

Thus as I reflect on 2021, the year certainly did not unfold as I expected. ?Yet I continue to constantly challenge what I expect and continuously learn.?And at the same time, even if it wasn’t what I expected, 2021 was a really great preparation for what is to come in 2022 and beyond.?