ReSET: Self Care Share #5: The Re-sounding Resonance of Courage

You may tremble at the idea of being seen, heard, or known.

You may adore what you can do and still avoid even being able to name it.

Then the excuse gives way.

Your courage wants to be heard.

You realize your head and heart were never, in fact, that far apart.

I request the courage to be the me that doesn’t need to change, you declare!

1?? The sound of your original spark

You came out of your mother’s safe and warm womb head-first, most likely. Most people dive off a cliff into the wet ocean womb of earth feet-first, if they do at all. Isn’t that fascinating?

Can you imagine the first sound you uttered? Regardless of the circumstance, if your birth was difficult or easy for you or anyone, what might that sound have been like? Even deeper, can you feel your chest and throat and body now? This is your moment to Re-Call Bodily Wisdom.

You are extraordinarily special and unique with a history and future unlike anyone else ever in all your life’s specifics.

You are also especially ordinary with all the threads you share with me and all humans ever, all life too. That’s quite a range of truth to be okay with. Are you okay with that?

Try this: use your left hand to represent “I AM SPECIAL” and your right to represent “I AM ORDINARY.” Bring them together tenderly. What does that feel like? What if that tiny practice was an infinite buffet for your soul?

2?? Your mask is meant to protect others

Authenticity can mess with your mind: if you try and practice and learn, are you not being your authentic self? If you don’t control and manage and self-regulate, can you be anything but reactive to the whims and agendas of others?

Integrity can feel like a trap: who are you to be great with so many flaws to be accountable for? Who are you to stay small with so many needs from you and others? Are you committed to what you say from fear? Can you follow through unless you’re forced?

Creativity, finally, can be a distraction: what do you want to be, do and have? What does the divine or universe or god want and plan for you? Maybe Odysseus had it right — sail eyes wide open into danger but keep your ears shut?

Notice I’ve played a straw-man trick here — Authenticity and Integrity and Creativity are deeply richer than the options I’ve outlined. I think that one realization here is that when we are not discovering and living our own authenticity, integrity, and creativity, we’re think the mask we ‘wear’ with others is to protect ourselves, to protect our fragile selves and make sure our relationships stay safe. But what if the mask you created to hide your vulnerable needs was to protect others? This is your moment to Re-member Other People Rock.

What would happen if you took off the mask and were you, with all your flaws, emotions, rage, curiosity, power, and ability to cause Good Trouble.

Now imagine that no one needed protection from you and your joy, moods, creativity, ideas, emotions, and even your behaviors and habits. It’s a hard pill to swallow, so let some sugar help the medicine go down.

Try this: say in a normal speaking voice loud enough that someone across a table could hear you: “I see you there with me. Even though I’ve acted like I need protection from you, and you need protection from me, I value that you’re here, making you and me a we.”

Feel that? Great start. I wonder what’s next?

3?? What did you hide underneath that rock?

What do dogs bury? What are ostriches looking for? If you’ve ever hidden something too, right-on! Look how natural it is to put valuable things out of sight and reach. Hide and seek is one of our oldest games, and you learned it as a babe, or maybe even before that.

I know you’ve felt lost sometimes, even drowning far and away from your loved ones. I’ve been so afraid to surf and swim in the ocean, at times, imagining I’d drown and no one would ever find me. In that fantasy, I can’t imagine harming my wife, so I hold back. How else do I do that? How does it impact my life? Can you relate? Now is your moment to Un-bury Your Aliveness.

I know you’ve felt alive sometimes, even bursting out of your skin in the presence of people who love and adore you. You’re precious to them even if you don’t know it. I had become afraid to be that healthy, holy and happy — god forbid I have it all. What would that mean to others? Would it mean I’m taking it all away from them? Heavens no?

Try this: see your life as a gift that keeps on giving. See yourself as the bone a dog values. See yourself as the safety an ostrich seeks. What if you came alive as the surprise baby you felt when what you sought showed up?

Your body keeps changing, your brain keeps learning, your muscles keep adapting and your lungs keep breathing. All. Without. Direction. You don’t need to author this. You don’t need to control it. You allow — not make — any of this happen. Yet, you can learn to enjoy it more. You can practice giving what you’ve got.

Think about it: when you give a gift to one person, two people receive.

4?? Sit back and show up

THE show doesn’t HAVE to go on, but it can, but it will. When you and I are gone, when the earth has been swallowed by the sun, when the galaxy’s way is lit by a milky supernova, whatever IS will continue. Or it won’t.

I cry every time I watch THE FOUNTAIN. Logan too. It’s more than Hugh Jackman, I think, though he’s great. The tear-inducing common theme in both stories is ‘FINISH IT’, and spoiler alert — death is involved.

More than once character’s thread comes to an end, and in doing so, in that very moment, new life flares forth.

Flare Forth. One of my favorite phrases. Nothing flares forth directly, but indirectly and in response. It’s step 2 in a 2-step dance: a supernova flares forth after collapse. A trampoline sends you soaring only if you leap into it with enough speed, stability and springiness. This if your moment to Re-Set the Fluidity of Courage.

You may need effort sometimes. There are things to do, after all. Can you let everything fall away until something is left that just won’t go?

Try this: sit back and observe the reality directly around you. The room you’re in. The people walking by. Whatever. Now: APPRECIATE. Not by trying. Let appreciation emerge for what exists around you and what created that. Finally, appreciate you, that you exist, and what created you. I don’t mean mythologically, I mean immediately. The one thing I can confidently say created you is your choices and circumstances before this moment. At least that. Everything else is up for debate. As one mentor said, you haven’t accepted yourself unless you’ve accepted everything about how you got here.

The End?

We’re at the end of this ReSet series and I appreciate a few people. Can I start with me? I’m so grateful that I followed the impulse to sit, feel, and bring this forth.

I appreciate you. Thank you for being alive and kind and curious and so courageous. My gifts aren’t always simple to receive. I appreciate our gifts. Your receiving and my giving. My appreciating you and me enough to be willing to live, write and share.

It’s almost like everything is connected.

So thanks for being here. I hope it gave you something useful.

How this experience has been for you?

Oh, by the way: Thanks for being epic.

“TRUST” Themed Movement of the Day?????♂??????♀???

What else can you add?

Share your Self-Care-Share insights and choices in the comments.