Reset and Ready

When we make a mistake, what we do NEXT is a hundred times more important than the actual mistake. What people tend to do is stop, look at what's happened, feel bad, process, apologize, wallow a bit. What would be a LOT more helpful is a quick two step process: reset and ready.

The Three A's

Before we talk about R&R, I have to give you a wonderful gift I acquired from a very brief detour into the restaurant business. It was there that I learned "the three A's." When something wrong happens, one should acknowledge, apologize, and act. Acknowledge what happened: "Your steak came out cold. I'm really sorry about that. I'm going to fire you a new steak and it'll be on me, okay?"

People fail at this one, and if someone else is involved in your mess up, it's really important to tie this loop off. If you've impacted someone, they're not even conscious sometimes of the fact they want the apology and the acknowledgment, but it's there.

So, get THAT out of the way. Remember that not all mistakes impact or are about someone else. But, I had to tell you that Three A thing. Without that, you'll mess up in another way. Good? Good. Let's get back to it.

Reset and Ready

I must refer to the wise words of one professor Anthony Kiedis. He said: "Complete the motion if you stumble." I learned this quickly when I used to play in crappy garage bands as a teenager. If you're whipping through Metallica's Four Horsemen and you stumble over part of the song, you'd best keep going or you're going to muck up the other players. Said another way: if you mess up, sometimes the next best thing is to keep going. Especially if there's a pace involved.

If you're presenting, for instance, and your slides don't work, press on.

Sometimes, however, whatever stumble happens takes you out of the game for a moment. The goal then is to reset. Get from the broken state back to a useful state. Reset what you're doing.

In sports, it's easy to think about resetting. I don't play golf (they got mad when I tried reaching into the windmill to get my ball back), but when you see a golfer on TV mess up a shot, for sure you'll see them reset their stance, their position, their swing. (Note: please don't try to watch golf; I'm just saying if you accidentally get stuck in front of it, like that Birdbox movie.)

The concept of "reset" is to get from down/off/broken state back to a functional state. The idea behind "ready" is to jump back into the task. Sometimes, one has to pause and get back into the cadence. But both are important. It's peanut butter and jelly. Reset and ready.

Taylor Swift vs Our Inner Critic

One challenge (maybe the hardest part) of making mistakes is that our Inner Critic takes over. First coined by Dr. Matthew McKay, the concept of the Inner Critic is that there's a fairly real voice inside our heads that steps in and says things to us like, "You're not going to succeed at this because you never have in the past." His best guess is that the intent of the Inner Critic is to try and protect ourselves against disappointment.

The problem with the Inner Critic is that it talks in absolutes when so much of what we do is variable. Just because you often fail at a task doesn't mean you'll always stumble. But to the Inner Critic, according to Dr. McKay, the idea is: "I'll say a mean thing to you so that you'll be ready to accept it." But again, the Inner Critic lies.

Enter Taylor Swift. I'm only half joking. But the way to battle the Inner Critic is somewhat simple. When you hear the internal criticism start, just "shake it off." Tell the voice, "Thanks. Got it." And move back into Ready state. Get back to "I'll get it this time."

That's the "ready" part of Reset and Ready. Reset: do the work to get back to a useful state. Ready: shake off the past attempt and get into the current moment.

One Last Consideration Loop

I left out one part until now. Sometimes, you might have to accept that you're never going to succeed at a certain task. People have this really wonderful dream state that they can do ANYTHING they set their mind to, but there are limitations to all of us.

There are times when it makes sense to quit something.

Knowing when is probably one of the hardest abilities to tune up in one's self. I find that people are either far too tenacious or they give up way too soon. In myself, I give up quickly. Because I know this about myself, I have to do a quick loop when I want to stop trying at something: can I really accomplish this with a bit more effort? Or is it time to pack it in? Am I giving up too soon?

Other people are tenacious to a fault. They'd try to cut a tree down with a butter knife. Neither state is better than the other. I like that I quit fast, because it means I might find another approach to accomplish the same goal, or I might go after other goals that are also important to the mission and just accept defeat on some others. Tenacious people are great because they'll push through when other people say something is impossible.

The trick for you is to know which one you are and calibrate accordingly.

Okay. So to prompt yourself for this is easy: take a sticky note and put it up in your line of site. It just has to say:

Reset / Ready

That's it.

Ready?

Chris...