The Reserve Triangle: How to be Successful at Managing Two Careers and Three Priorities

I retired from the Navy in 2015 after six years of active duty and 24 years in the Navy Reserve. Many times, over my reserve career, I wanted to quit. I thought it was too hard to manage my reserve career, my civilian job, and my family. This is an article for those in the reserve who are trying to make decisions about their future and for those employers who proudly support our citizen-soldiers.

The Reserve Triangle

A drilling reservist has to manage three competing priorities. First, you have your civilian job. Second, you have a personal or family life. Third, you have your career in the reserve force – be it the Army National Guard, Navy, Air Force, Marines, or Coast Guard. Managing all three interests can at times be overwhelming, a seeming vortex of constantly competing demands. I used the “Reserve Triangle” methodology to do that very successfully over the years.

At any given time, one of the three competing interests – your job, your family, or the Navy – will require more attention than the other two. I realized that I could not reasonably give 100% to all three demands simultaneously. So, depending on my circumstances, I made one the top priority, giving it 110% while maintaining the others at a 10-75% level of effort. Think of it as a successful load-shedding operation!

This simple prioritization philosophy will allow you to manage all three successfully.

Your civilian job

Your civilian job is your primary income source. I worked for five different civilian employers during my 24 years. Thankfully, all of them were highly supportive of my reserve career. When changing careers or interviewing for a new job, ensure your prospective employer is supportive of your commitment to serve.?

Suppose you are close to a potential promotion, having a crisis at work, or are facing an above-normal workload. In those cases, your attention should be focused on your civilian job, and your job is at the top of the Triangle.?

When I moved to Atlanta from South Carolina in 2001, my new corporate lawyer job for a major air carrier required that I take the Georgia Bar exam. As the exam approached, I was working full time and trying to be a good husband and father. The pressure got incredibly intense, so I respectfully requested permission to reschedule my drills for the exam month. I also told my wife that I needed to be alone the last few weeks before the exam to study. She understood and returned to Charleston with our two-year-old daughter for a couple of weeks.

The civilian job was at the top of the Triangle. I passed the Bar exam and kept my new job!

Your family commitment

Family and personal commitments bear significantly on one’s mental health and well-being. Suppose you are getting married, having a baby, trying to complete a demanding educational degree, having marital difficulties, or a have death or illness in the family. In those circumstances, your family rotates to the top of the Triangle. You cannot excel at work or in uniform if your home life weighs heavily on your daily actions.?

Also, you should always schedule time for family events like birthdays, graduations, soccer games, dance recitals, anniversaries, summer vacations, and major holidays. For those, I tried to put the family at the top of the Triangle, even if just for a day or an afternoon.

Your reserve career

You become a reservist to answer a calling to serve your nation and maintain a camaraderie unparalleled in any civilian job. When you go away on annual training or have a drill weekend, your reserve career rotates to the top of the Triangle. A loving family and supportive civilian job must take second fiddle to military obligations during this time.?

Nothing is more disruptive to you, your family, and your employer than getting recalled to active duty. Getting that call can hit you like a ton of bricks. Make sure your employer and family always know that getting mobilized can happen at any time with little notice, as it did for thousands of reservists in the days and months after 9/11.?

As a unit Commanding Officer, there was nothing more difficult than when I had to call shipmates to notify them that they were being mobilized. When this occurs, the reserve will be at the top of the Triangle for some time!

Communicate and plan

The secret to success will be clear communication and advance planning. Make sure your family and your employer are aware of your commitments. If you know your drill weekends and annual training period well in advance, put them on the calendar as firm obligations. Let all know that those days are “committed” well in advance. When conflicts inevitably arise, remind others politely of your reserve commitment, propose a backup plan, and thank others for their continuing support!???

Planning and communication are the keys to managing expectations and minimizing surprises.

Be flexible

Despite your best efforts, there will be occasions when the best plans fall apart. When I was a CO for my reserve P-3 squadron working as a corporate attorney in Atlanta, I got a call that a Sailor in my squadron on detachment had been involved in a liberty incident. He had fallen out of a zipline into a deep ravine. He was in a Central American hospital and not likely to survive.

The Reserve Triangle rapidly spun as my reserve duties rotated to the top. I told my family and employer that I had to be at the squadron in Jacksonville, Florida, and I left within hours to get there. I stayed there, sleeping in my office for a few nights as we worked around the clock to ensure we took care of this Sailor and his family.?

At times, there will also be “pop-ups” at home. When my wife got sick, and I knew it was near impossible for her to take care of our three girls as the reserve weekend approached, I would call an audible. I would present a makeup plan to my reserve unit coordinator on that rare occasion and respectfully request to reschedule that drill weekend. That was an infrequent occasion, but one that I used when my family rotated to the top of the Triangle.

Take a break

If juggling your family or your civilian career becomes too difficult, consider your options to take a break before you decide to leave the Reserve Force. You can always discuss rescheduling your drills, postponing annual training, or going inactive for a period of time. Explore those options to allow time to manage your life when the Triangle is spinning seemingly out of control. While these breaks potentially might impact your career progression, I reviewed hundreds of records in multiple Navy promotions boards in which reservists who had taken breaks were still promoted.

In my 24 years of drilling, there were many days when I was utterly exhausted, especially during a month with two drill weekends and a two-week annual training period. I remember my last few years arriving for a drill weekend in Detroit at 0200 Saturday after flight delays to an ice-covered rental car in 15-degree weather and blowing snow. I wanted to quit! However, I considered the years in uniform as a long-term investment. I also knew I would miss being in uniform and my colleagues.??

Over the years, many of my colleagues stopped drilling. They told me their jobs and family could not coexist with a reserve commitment. However, when I ran into them years later, almost every one of them said to me that in hindsight they had regretted that decision.?

Take a break and evaluate your options. Circumstances typically improve over time.

It’s finally time

The 30 years of my service went by in a blink of an eye. I managed five different civilian employers, three CO tours, and five reserve units with multiple detachments. While living in Charleston, South Carolina, I drove, flew, and even took the Amtrak “Silver Meteor” to attend reserve weekends in Jacksonville, Washington, DC, Miami, and Detroit. Many times, I paid for the transportation out of pocket. Many Friday nights, I arrived well after midnight and had to muster in uniform with a good shave at 0700 Saturday.??

My family grew from two to five. We went on summer vacations, and I attended almost all of our three daughters’ dance and school events over the years. I made partner in a large law firm and became a corporate aviation lawyer. I was promoted through the ranks to a Navy Captain.?

The reserve retirement eligibility age of 60 comes quickly. I am filling out my retirement pay qualification forms this month. I am looking forward to the monthly retirement check and additional health care benefits that I will get next year.?

Managing the multiple demands by rotating the Reserve Triangle combined with an understanding family and a supportive employer helped me succeed on all three fronts. I hope you can do the same!?

Mark C. Fava retired in 2015 as a Navy Captain and P-3 Naval Flight Officer. He is the recipient of three Legion of Merit Awards and was the Commanding Officer of three Navy units including a P-3 squadron. He resides in Charleston, SC, with his wife and three daughters, where he works for a major aviation manufacturer and blogs about leadership “sea stories” at www.theaviatorlawyer.com.