Research Says This Is How To Become A More Charismatic Leader

Have you ever met anyone with whom you’re inexplicably drawn? Their magnetism has nothing to do with their physical appearance or bank balance; there’s just something about them that is irresistible.

That’s charisma at work.

Described by the ancient Greeks as the “gift of grace,” charisma is that seemingly elusive elixir possessed by the world’s most-liked and admired leaders. And contrary to popular belief, they weren’t born with it.

In a recent New York Times article, Bryan Clark argues that “charisma is a learned behavior, a skill to be developed in much the same way that we learned to walk or practice vocabulary when studying a new language.” 

Among the experts Clark consulted was Dr. John Antonakis, a professor of organizational behavior at the University of Lausanne in Switzerland, who equates charisma with a form of communication. “Basically put, charisma is all about signaling information in a symbolic, emotional, and value-based manner,” Antonakis said. “Thus, charisma signaling is all about using verbal—what you say—and nonverbal techniques.”

And it’s in these techniques, says Clark, that we’re “making constant micro-decisions about whether the person demanding our attention is deserving of it.”

If this is true, is it possible for someone to learn to signal in such a way that attracts and maintains attention?

Absolutely, says Olivia Fox Cabane, a charisma coach and the author of the book The Charisma Myth, who believes charismatic behaviors can be learned and perfected by anyone. Cabane breaks charisma down into three components: presence, power and warmth.

Presence requires you to stay in the moment. (Hint: Put away your phone.) Use eye contact to demonstrate that you’re listening and focused on the person you’re with, which aids in the sense of connection and builds trust.

Power isn’t about feeling superior; it’s about removing self-imposed barriers and getting away from the feeling that you’re not worthy of your success. Fear and imposter syndrome can plague many as they rise in the ranks. Removing self-doubt helps you feel more relaxed and confident in your skin and your value to others.

Warmth is closely linked to giving off a welcoming, accepting, and kind vibe. People who exude warmth attract others naturally because they provide a safe and positive environment. Genuine warmth can’t be faked, so if you find this tough or tend to be more reserved, Cabane suggests enlisting the power of your imagination. Picture someone for whom you feel great affection. When you focus on how you feel during your interactions, you can instantly change your body chemistry to project greater warmth.

Do you need to excel in all three areas? Cabane says no, and that the most charismatic people have generally achieved a high level of success in only one, or perhaps two, of these traits. This means charisma isn’t limited to a select few; it’s attainable to all.

Joe Kwon, the author of Unlock Your Charisma, also believes charisma is within everyone’s reach. Though in his book Kwon cites what he calls the eight truths of charisma (Connection, Harmony, Authenticity, Relaxed, Invisible, Simulated, Morality, and Automatic), it’s the first truth—Connection—that forms the foundation of Kwon’s take on charisma.

Kwon says there are three basic principles of connection, which he likens less to skills and more to states of being: Be Vulnerable, Be Curious, and Be Dancing.

Be Vulnerable. This is not about being sad; it’s about being brave. When you have the courage to share with another person who you are, and what matters, you invite them to do the same. And when this happens, connection occurs.

Be Curious. A remarkable thing happens when you’re curious about others, says Kwon. The other person can feel your interest, and this encourages them to share, prompting more curiosity. And when this happens, both sides become more interesting to each other, deepening the connection.

Be Dancing. Kwon uses this shorthand to describe the give and take of dance partners moving together. When we “dance” with another, we need to use our awareness to keep energy flowing and balanced.

For Kwon, mastering the art of connection is the key to unlocking your charisma.

Dr. Antonakis suggests that another way to connect and be more likable is to use the power of storytelling. Those who speak metaphorically and use anecdotes and comparison, he says, are the most charismatic people. When speaking, they aren’t merely listing past events; they’re using all the verbal and nonverbal cues available—facial and hand gestures, a modulated vocal tone, knowing the pulse of and asking questions of their audience—to spin an intoxicating tale.

But charisma is more than being engaging or witty. We’re attracted to those who truly listen to us, who give us their undivided focus and leave us feeling seen and heard. Those who dare to be vulnerable and who genuinely want to connect and share and treat us with respect and kindness. And in return, we offer our unwavering attention and trust.

Perhaps at its essence, then, charisma isn’t just about your likability or ability to tell a good story. Instead, its real power has less to do with you and everything to do with how you make others feel.

This piece was first published on Forbes.com. Find it here, and Amy's other articles here.

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?Amy Blaschka is a social media ghostwriter who helps leaders craft their stories to communicate and connect better.Contact her if you'd like her help.?

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