The Rescue Boat
Having a conflict is like entering troubled waters - navigating ourselves becomes increasingly difficult. Thoughts and emotions take over, and theoretical concepts that made total sense when we read them on the sofa are suddenly not mentally accessible to us anymore. So what can we do?
Intuitively, we often try to force ourselves into a specific thinking when we feel that our current mindset doesn't help us anymore. However, commanding ourselves to calm down or change our thinking when we are in the middle of our emotions is doomed to fail.
What happens is that we enter a fight with ourselves. A fight of thoughts against thoughts that only puts us in deeper trouble.
We cannot really command our thoughts and emotions, especially in conflict situations. What we can do, however, is to create some distance from those thoughts and emotions that are harming us.
We can think of our mind as a big, heavy cruise ship that swims through the ocean of life. And because our ship is so big and heavy, it doesn't easily change direction, even when we try to force it.
When we are in troubled waters of strong emotions or conflicting thoughts, we feel like our cruise ship is sinking. In such moments, it might make sense to leave the ship, jump on a rescue boat and watch the situation from a safe distance.
We cannot forcefully change our thoughts and emotions, but we can observe what is going on within ourselves. We can switch from the cruise ship of our troubled mind to the rescue boat of calm observation.
By doing so, we move from being our mind to being the observer of our mind. It helps us detach ourselves from states of mind that are not helpful to us without actually entering a mental conflict with ourselves. Because in the end, if you are able to observe your thoughts, how can you be your thoughts at the same time?
When we are in a harmful mental state, jumping on a rescue boat and watching our troubled mind from a distance makes it easier for us to remember that we are not our thoughts, and our emotions are not our real environment.
Most impressively, however, it makes us realize after a while that the sinking ship was just an illusion, and that once our troubled waters calm down, our cruise ship rises to the surface again, whole and clean as ever before, waiting for the rescue boat to come back on board.
Young Professional in International Relations, Diplomacy & Negotiation
5 个月A great illustration of how the tools that mental training (like meditation) provides us with can become game changers even in contlict situations. Well put, dear Paul!