Requests over Complaints

What purpose does complaining serve? We seem to be hard-wired to point out what is troubling us in rather confrontational ways. We lay into our "recipient of verbiage" with what is wrong with a situation, with THAT tone of voice, we moan about our world.

Words create worlds, and so the world we create for ourselves is a rather critical one.

What if instead of spewing forth all the ways that we have been wronged, we rather requested a better world?

Picture this, Forest Hill City, Dizemba Season 2016.

We had waited for close to an hour for our food when it finally arrived. To top it off, instead of getting a fancy type of bread, we got an ordinary bread with the meal, contrary to the picture of the meal on the menu. That was it!!!

"Call your manager!"

When the manager arrived, we sent him back to get said menu. He did. We helped him find the page where there was a meal picture and then showed him exhibit A.

"Does this look like the picture?" we asked snidely. He tried to apologise, but we had had it. We brought up how long it had been since we had ordered the picture, and then also… also… the coffee was colder than expected, and also… also, there was another thing…. And we went on. He quickly snuck into each pause a sincere apology, long realising that this tirade was not going to be stopped. It would stop when we were done. And soon we were. He offered to comp our drinks, to which we refused, because I don't like a free lunch… wink wink.

Anyhow, let's go back to that situation and change the complaint into a request. Let's see if things would have been different.

(cue rewind effects)

On looking at the time, we noticed that the acceptable time for waiting for an order had passed. We call over the waiter.

"Hey Joe, we have noticed that our food still has not arrived. We are feeling a bit anxious as the queues at the shop might be starting to build up. Could you find out what is taking so long with the order"

Joe comes back after two minutes, "one of the other cooks didn't come in on time as expected. She had a bit of drama with the taxis as it is festive season and they have probably been seconded to long field trips. She has finally made it in and there's a bit of a backlog, but she is working on your order as we speak."

After an hour our food arrives. "thanks Joe, please call your manager"

The manager arrives.

"Hey… Muzi (name badge). I hear your kitchen staff are having transport problems, is there any way the restaurant can assist in the matter? This could become a runaway problem."

Muzi then explains that they have actually addressed it with staff before the late cook came in, and have switched a bit of the roster around so that the cook with the problem can be a few minutes late, without any of the service suffering..

All this while we take a few bites and have a pleasant curious conversation. Afterwards, Muzi says he insists on comping our drinks for being so caring, and he won't take no for an answer.

And he doesn't.

The point I make is … Words create worlds. The same time passed between our orders. The drinks were even comped in both situations, but how we approached the situation made all the difference in our and their humanity.

We rush and believe our important things because we are at work, or on vacation, negate their being at work (the ones who choose to make a living in the service industry). We have violent external conversations because of internal turmoil that is rarely voiced or given a chance to be pacified with doable requests. We are never more important than another human being.

For 2017, my NY resolution is to NOT complain. When I feel the urge to, I will rather choose to express the emotion I am feeling and make an actionable request that could alleviate how I feel. I choose to request more and complain less…

That's my story and I'm sticking to it.