Reply to all the lovely people who asked me about my own experiences

Few people have asked me on Facebook, Linkedin and Instagram how I'm doing during those crazy times? I was ignoring the messages because I didn't want to talk about it...Then, I realized maybe I should be real..Sorry for the long post but don't worry it's not a rant.

To be honest ..I don't know how I feel...But what I know for sure is when I saw the video of George Floyd's death ...I cried...and cried...I imagined my own brother being there and it messed me up.

I have spoken over and over again on how as a black woman I always felt like I had to fly to achieve my goals while I knew others who won the genetic lottery could just walk to achieve the same thing than me. (https://sabinemondestin.com/…/sometimes-it-sucks-to-be-a-bla… ...It's a rant full of grammar mistakes...I was mad as hell ??)

For example, I abandoned my career as a journalist even though I studied at one of the most prestigious schools for broadcasting in Montreal; Promedia. Because few of my teachers have pointed out many times the fact that I was black so I didn't really have a chance to have a career in Montreal so I decided to make myself believe that I didn't like journalism...I didn't have the right skin colour and I knew it...I knew, that I was less than other humans...I am a black woman after all.

I left Quebec knowing that as an actress and a journalist it was impossible for me to achieve a successful career in Quebec...The only show in Quebec with a leading black woman was Jasmine (Google it) and it was in The '90s...Now just watch any Quebecois film and try to find the black actors in it ...Good luck it's like playing the game "Where is Waldo"

I moved to Vancouver where I experienced so much racism and microaggression that I almost lost my faith in humanity...I tried and tried to fit in for 7 years but it was impossible so I left having to start all over again for the third time.

I moved to L.A and Vegas before Trump where I really had an amazing time but looking at the situation in the United States right now I feel lucky that I never got my work Visa.

Then I moved to Toronto where I feel almost at my place but I am still experiencing lots of microaggressions...What can I do? ... Remember, for a long time my subconscious mind already decided that I was less than other humans...I was just unlucky and somehow I didn't want to fight anymore and I said to myself I am going to prove to them that I am better ...I am Worthy of...I am a human as intelligent than any other humans...

Today I am asking myself why? ...why I have to be the one who has to show them that I am Worthy?. Why? My work ethic and qualifications should be enough... Anybody who knows me knows that I can work for 20hours straight and still be professional and I have done it many many times.

I am a human being so, therefore, I am Worthy of being treated like one period...I am supposed to be able to walk in a store without being followed by every security guard...I can be my version of a black woman ...not the version that makes others feels comfortable... When I see the burning and the looting in several states, I realized that it's exactly how I feel inside when I get reminded that I am black so therefore I am less than...I didn't choose to be black.

I also realized that my mother felt the same thing that's why she never wanted us to learn Creole so we can speak with no accent hoping that we will have better chances than her, she wanted us to assimilate and forget our roots...But even though,I know Quebec's history than most Quebecquers and I really love being Canadian, but even though I was born in Canada, I will always be different in the eyes of others.

Don't worry about me ...I know my Worth and I am still the positive woman who loves to laugh and have fun.

And if you think that I am overly dramatic ask yourself, Have you ever been worried that the colour of your skin will stop you from having a life-changing opportunity? ( a job, an apartment, a promotion, a successful business meeting)

So, how do I feel? I guess tired, sad, confused, scared... but hopeful that maybe now we will be heard.