Replacement for Despair

Having lived in both Cincinnati and Cleveland, it's difficult to remember how many times I've driven up and down I-71, but I can name at least three different books on tape that I consumed in one of the years I was there. It's a beautiful state, with amazing people and a place that saw many happy memories created. That all changed in December 2018, when we received the shocking news that our nephew, Jacob, had passed away at the age of 16.

He was the youngest of three in his family and still in diapers when I married his aunt. A lot of training to be a dad of boys happened by intercepting his shenanigans, and occasionally being a co-conspirator if I'm honest. My last and most vivid memory was when he and I both got in trouble for using a kitchen knife to investigate the insides of a coconut he'd climbed the palm tree at our beach rental to pull down. The water wasn't nearly as good as what you can buy in stores.

Like many teens in Dayton, Ohio -- he made the great decision to get some work experience, and the even better decision to get that experience at a local supermarket. And not just any supermarket ... but an iconic one that I had known well as a competitor: Dorothy Lane Market .

In truth I learned many things about fresh food by walk the perimeters of Dorothy Lane Market, as my time there predated the transition from Mass Retail to Grocery Retail. If my unreasonably high expectations for fresh areas (I can admit that now) had to be pointed to its origination, it was learning from these stores while a Market Manager for Cincinnati in 2008. What I didn't know at the time was the reason it is such a special place -- and that reason has a name.

Meet Norman Mayne, an Architect of Joy

I saw Norman last week at the National Grocers Association 's annual show in Las Vegas, where I happily observed him coaching Ohio's representative in the Best Bagger Championship, Dorothy Lane Market's Fengning Liu. Norman was in his element, encouraging his teammate and bringing smiles to the faces of everyone else from the company while all of the finalists waited to get into the massive ballroom where everyone would get to see them quickly race each other for the perfectly packed bag of groceries. Just a few months earlier he and I caught up at FMI- The Food Industry Association Mid Winter, just as we have annually for the last six years. Each and every time I see him, a huge smile takes over my face. He smiles back, and proceeds to ask me about my family.

His encouragements of both Fengning and of me are simple interactions that are seemingly as natural as taking a breath. All who admire him, and that list is very deservedly long, share similar impressions that are rooted in many years of his consistently pouring into the lives of others. My affection for Norman is driven by one of those moments of pouring into life, or more accurately death.

While Jacob hadn't worked there too long, he was treated the way one who has spent their entire career at a company may hope to be. His suicide left his parents, his siblings, his friends, and all of us who loved him hungry for answers and empty of hope. Norman saw to it that our hunger was answered with incredible food, and our emptiness was replaced with kindness.

Our family didn't expect it, we didn't request it, and yet we were all benefactors of the company he's built and the culture he's nurtured.

It was a few months before I was able to thank him, and while I still miss my nephew and often wonder what he'd be like if he'd chosen life -- I no longer look at that moment as an ending of love, but instead a beginning of friendship. Despair has indeed been replaced.

Here are a few other things you should know about Norman Mayne :

1. He's a protector. Whether it's the standards of excellence in recipes and experiences, the integrity of the Dorothy Lane Market brand, or employees and their families you will always sense his presence in all he has chosen to lead. He wants the best, and ensures outside distractions and flaws are minimized.
2. He wants others to win. Many don't understand the pride and connection that exists inside of grocery retail, but once you see it you cannot stop seeing it. Even when you're competing, you don't wish bad things on others, and it isn't uncommon to be happy for another's success. Norman is bigger than the industry in this way, in that he shepherds it for many flocks and genuinely loves seeing others do well.
3. He is tenacious. When I first tasted a Killer Brownie from the bakery at DLM, I knew it was special. Truth be told I'd never tasted one quite like it, and over time learned about the recipe and the story from the 1980s. Fast forward, and Chimene Mayne Ross has led The Killer Brownie? Company to bring that taste to lots of places coast to coast. When I chatted with him about it a few years ago, he still wasn't convinced it had reached its full potential.
4. He is humble. I've learned that gratitude and compliments can make him squirm just a bit, although he's too polite to avoid them. Despite all of his success, all of the impacts he has made on others, his simplicity and unassuming nature make approaching him as easy as it is fulfilling.

Following the Architect's Design

Each of us has the opportunity to step into the gaps caused by disappointment, failure, and loss when they are experienced by the people around us. And it's easier to do this if you actually care about others more than you care about yourself.

• Slow down a little bit so you can see the person and not just the product. It's too easy to look at the calendar as a task list instead of an opportunity list.
• If you have the ability to do something kind, do it. Share it. Say it. Go against the flow of culture and social media, be known for how kind you were rather than how smart you [thought] you were.
• Don't over-prioritize tenure. Just because someone is new to the team doesn't mean they are less valuable to those who love them, count on them, and will one day miss them when they're gone.

Know someone like Norman? Give them your gratitude today, and never stop learning from them. The world needs more joy, and it can start with you.