Repeat after me: "Yes, and..."

Recently, I saw a post by one of my friends on Facebook giving herself a shout-out for winning a prestigious award in a very narrow technology sector. This was a huge accomplishment, and she was rightfully proud.  A few days later, I received an email from a reporter friend asking if I knew anyone in that exact space as he was seeking a comment for an article he was writing.

I immediately thought of her! Who better than someone who just won an award for that very thing?  So I messaged her and laid out the opportunity, and this was her response:

Thanks for thinking of me! Unfortunately, I am no expert, I've only been at this about 3 years... I'm sure the reporter is looking for someone with longevity in the field and I have a ways to go.

What SHOULD she have said?  Repeat after me:

”Yes, and…”

The “yes, and” device was first introduced for improvisational comedy. For example: the director sets the scene: “You’re in a movie theater in Houston, TX” and.. SCENE.

The first actor says, “Wow, this looks like it’s going to be a great movie! And it’s sure hot here in Houston”

The second actor says, “Wait, we’re in Houston, I thought we were in Boston!” (scene over)

BUT what if the first actor says: “Wow, this looks like it’s going to be a great movie! And it sure is hot here in Houston.”

Second actor says, “Yes, and the popcorn is hot too and has the right amount of butter.”

First actor “Yes, and you look really good eating that popcorn.”

Second actor “Yes, and I think you’re pretty good looking, too.”

First actor “Yes, and I think maybe we should have dinner sometime...”

The lesson is this: what started as one thing led to another.  This scene can continue on and on as long as the actors AGREE to continue moving it forward.  

Too many of us in our lives say NO: no to opportunity, no to prestige, no to being seen. This can be especially true with women. If I had contacted a man and offered him the opportunity to be interviewed, there is no doubt in my mind he would have said: “yes, and thank you—I’ll let you know how it goes.”  

Let’s face it: most of the time reporters aren’t going to ask you to explain the theory of relativity in detail with examples.  They just need someone with insight into the issue.

I can guess the negative self-talk happening in her mind—"What if I don’t know the answer?" "What if I am exposed as a fraud, as a non-expert?" "What if other people see my name in that article and think, ‘why her?’ She’s only been in the field for three years and I’ve spent my lifetime in it??”

This idea of “impostor syndrome” can consume us, and stop our growth. The whole idea of “fake it 'til you make it” makes so many people uncomfortable. But are we really faking it? Are we truly pretending to be something that we’re not? Or are we using what we DO know to be true— to help move a message or idea forward?  

I’ve seen this self-doubt a lot lately in regard to my own startup, wiseHer. We are beginning to on-board experts that will help women by providing answers to their business, career, and life questions. Experts cannot pay to be a part of our platform, they are added by invitation only. Often, when I ask a woman to be an expert, their first reaction is "really...me?” Or, “I’m not sure I am an expert.” Whereas men usually say "yes, and...how much will I make?” or “how does it work?”

I’ve worked in many fields throughout my career. As a marketer and later a sales professional, I have had to quickly become an expert at whatever my company sold, be it cable TV, ballet, mutual funds, mortgage backed securities, software, IT channel development—you name it.  How did I do it? Because I chose to—knowing that the fastest way to succeed is to truly understand the pain points of your customers and how better to do that than become an expert in those pain points and how your products or services resolve them? It is as simple as that. I asked a lot of questions, and if I wanted to go farther, faster I hired people to help me understand.

My first business after the Wall Street meltdown was as an SEO consultant. I had called all of my old clients and asked what I could do to help them, sales training? marketing? and the overwhelming response was, "I'd really like someone to help me rank my website on Google. Can you do that?" I said, "yes, and give me two weeks to get back to you." I didn’t even know if a keyword was one word or two when I started out! But, in two weeks I had my first paying client.  How? I asked lots of questions and paid for someone’s time. Was it a little Cyrano de Bergerac? In the beginning, yes, but then this little bird grew her wings and flew away. I didn’t need to know everything about everything, but I needed to know more than most in order to deliver for my clients—and that I did.

But what if I had said no? My life would have been very different. Out of that experience I hired someone else the same way (paid for their time and got dedicated training) to help me understand social media. I went on to write 9 books and became an international best-selling author, keynote speaker and trainer and set up a very successful digital marketing consultancy.

I strongly believe that one of the keys to success is just showing up—taking a chance. The woman I passed the press opportunity to could have called the reporter and reviewed the questions, and recommend someone better suited if it wasn’t something she could answer, but that she would love to stay in touch if they ever needed anyone in the future. Many reporters keep a file of sources, and she could have been added to the list. I bet though that the reporter’s questions wouldn’t have been super technical—likely just a comment on the recent happenings in the news—nothing she couldn’t have answered with her own level of expertise. Being quoted in that article might have set her off on a totally different career and life path—it could have given her the opportunity to not only be seen as an expert, but to show other women that they CAN and SHOULD also be seen as experts.

I’m hope after reading this, the next time her answer will be “YES, AND….”

What will your answer be?