Renewal of ethos- why we do what we do

A renewal of ethos

I’ve been taking stock over the last little while of what we are doing, why we are here, what matters to me and to our community.

I’m a reflective person. It used to be out of being overly self-critical coupled with supersensitive to criticism. But as I’ve gotten older it’s changed … now it’s all about checking in, getting curious, listening, reflecting, and recalibrating.

I don’t find it cuts me like it used to but that doesn't mean it doesn’t move me.

It’s hard doing something you’re passionate about in a public space where everyone’s words can reach you. Everyone’s opinions of you and your work. Lots of useful feedback mixed with misunderstandings or confused messaging to try and unpick to do better next time.

So, with that said, I’m coming back to MY centre.

I know in my core that we need to move beyond sleep training.

Not a little bit … but all the way beyond it. Not just because the sleep training consultants and services stop using the term ‘sleep training’ because it’s no longer seen as acceptable but because all of the behaviourist techniques and principles, they are based on are weeded out of parenting support and society’s psyche entirely.

I want sleep training to become something we speak of in historical terms only.

This does not mean I am wishing all families to live in a sleep deprived hell that is often the only alternative many people can imagine in a world without sleep training.

It also does not mean I condemn any family who has sleep trained (hello, I am one of them) or will choose to sleep train now or into the future,

I know just how incredibly challenging and complex it is to try and raise babies and young children in a society who holds little respect for the true level of nurturing they need.

This places many families in impossible binds. It backs them into corners and above all, it makes them highly susceptible and vulnerable to the powerful cultural and marketing messages given to sleep train.

And that’s where we fit in because we offer alternative ways to consider those challenges. We offer real lived experience, authentic peer support and a protected space away from the pervasive noise of sleep training culture. We also push for broader societal change, recognition and valuing of nurturing work and the systems change we need to see in order to support families to nurture their children and be well in themselves.

Being anti something isn’t always as extreme as it may seem on the surface.

In some instances, being anti something actually opens up a whole new space to moderate and imagine possibilities. This is because it changes the shape of the problems faced. It changes the questions asked to try and find solutions and none of those conversations can be had fully while the *other* paradigm is in play.

To me, moving beyond behaviourist approaches to sleep is the complete goal but does that mean that we are all destined to breastfeed all night and bedshare forever and wait it out?

While that may well be the very valid path some families take, that is a reductionist view of the reality we find here.

Do we really think we would have grown to 171000 members globally completely through word of mouth if that was the only answer we could offer?

I don’t and that’s because I loathe pigeon holes and prescriptions of any kind and that was one of the founding premises of the project – to gather tales from REAL people living this time and navigating sleep THEIR way without sleep training or having shifted away from it like me.

I say no to stereotypes because they harm all of us.

When I say there is no *right* or *wrong* way to do this sleep thing … I mean do this thing BEYOND sleep training.

I’m making that clear today because that is my truth and it is at the core of what we do here, and I know that some people are nowhere near on board with that. We are not everyone’s cup of tea (yet) but that doesn’t mean we aren’t on the right track.

I’ve been checking in, getting curious, listening, reflecting, and recalibrating and I know deep in my heart that I cannot water myself or what we do down. So, with my head up, shoulders back and my integrity intact, I renew our ethos to see this world move beyond sleep training.

And I’d love to have you all along with me.

Love Carly

Founder of @Little Sparklers, home of The Beyond Sleep Training Project