Remove Inequalities of Psychological Health

On this occasion of world health day I want to put forward my thoughts on mental wellness especially the case for workplace neurosis. Google defines neurosis as a mild mental disorder NOT arising from organic diseases – instead, it can occur from stress, depression or anxiety. Given the last year people have worked from home, this workplace neurosis has manifested and compounded at home as well exposing all family members to the strengths and weaknesses of each other.

I am writing this article though various client experiences of mine who I have worked with in the last 18 months. See if you can identify what your level of self awareness of your behavior is.

This client came to me saying she is overwhelmed with house work and office work. As we spoke, she expressed how stretched she was and how difficult it was to deal with 9 and 13 year olds’ sitting at home. She had finally decided to come for coaching because she realized something was off in how frustrated she was with herself and her household. She said she went through extreme feelings of ‘give me my space’ to ‘don’t leave me alone’! At the onset this seemed like a natural reaction when confined in closed quarters for several months but as she reflected back she realized she had always oscillated strongly between the need for acceptance and being strongly independent. That is, she was always insecure about people leaving or abandoning her which generated unconscious behaviors of wanting to be together or clinging and at the same time had an extremely strong need for independence and identify which drove her mentally and emotionally to be detached and avoidant in her emotions.

These oscillating and fluctuating internal polarities were driving her anxiety and stress which was affecting her household and mental equilibrium. Her smartness was in recognizing she needed some form of mental health support.

The second story unfolder at one of my PCC, ICF mentoring sessions. The coachee came with an issue of conflict management where he was unable to openly express and deal with the two department heads who were oscillating between passive aggressive or openly warring at other times. As the coaching conversation unfolded the gentleman came upon some insights where he discovered his extreme reluctance to take a stand and loose either parties love and loyalty. His need to protect his persona of the godfather, the good-will friend was far greater than his need to resolve the conflict. He confessed that he had a lot of difficulty in deciding increments and promotions every year and hated the bell curve HR system that allowed him only to rate a handful as star performers. His other stories reveled his strong need for consensus in team before any new initiative was taken and this often meant a lot of his team initiatives were always in extended reviews without getting to action. This was a long winded conversation before the coachee started observing a pattern in his own behavior, the triggers of his anxiety, the recurrent and nagging thought process until he decided for himself that something more fundamental about his psychic has at play. As he expressed confidence in his own abilities as a leader, recognized he will be better respected if he takes charge, does what’s right and helps his leaders in difficult relationships, he will do away for this terrible need for approval to feel secure in his position.

Interestingly, in my leadership consulting experience I have come across insecure and incompetent managers who have risen through the ranks by being associated with the right people at the right time, in the right place getting into positions and roles of power they are not qualified to handle. That might well be my opinion of them, but how do they survive at the top? They develop some of the ugliest form of corporate torture by insulting, humiliating and belittling team and individual efforts. Insecurities are covered up by inflated sense of ego. They threaten easily, they do not create a strong second line, they do not appreciate publicly, they are quick to find faults by pretending to be extremely detail oriented or analytical. They are pseudo intellects. You will find them unempathetic to people problems, demanding that you work harder, nothing is ever good enough, taking digs at your expense and never have the ability to laugh at themselves. How do you help yourself and others from such bosses on world health day? Speak up! There is no glory or salvation in suffering. Nothing about human dignity should ever be compromised. We do not need to suffer other people’s neurosis.

Mental health is about a healthy balance, we all have some form of neurosis, some OCD, some patterns, old beliefs, old hooks that keep us caught and spinning. The important thing is to not just come into awareness but into relationship with these polarities and patterns and speak to them. Find what purpose they serve today, find your motivations, drivers, impulses through them. Find out if your current mental space is in service to who to want to be and what you want to achieve.

Many of us operate by shutting out unpleasant experiences from the past. That is a survivor mode. It was needed at some point but it maybe worth examining what else gets blocked out along with blocking the past experience. A lot of times extreme instance of hurt, shame, embarrassment, guilt block out our ability to connect with our body, be vulnerable, feel empathy or exercise situational intelligence. These are basic human functioning which unknowingly start malfunctioning and stop serving our growth. These show up in our human interactions, strength of relationships, the discomfort we feel in certain situations and many times in failing to achieve our goals.

While the world speaks to removing inequalities of access to food, access to basic physical hygiene, I would argue that psychological hygiene should be our absolute top priority. In one of my Emotional Intelligence Parent Coaching workshop a heartful parent commented, “my children are a reflection of what I am, when I begin to see attitudinal problems, I know I have to make changes in myself”. Many a times parents do not realize that their children maybe developing a set of value system that maybe totally different from theirs. Observing it, recognizing it and accepting it is a part of mental and emotional well being that we gift to our children.

This world health day let us remove inequalities of shame by letting it touch the core of our being, by being vulnerable, let us remove the power of hurt by processing it and moving on by forgiving, remove guilt by recognizing that it doesn’t sever our reality and figuring out what does, remove judgement and excess criticism by showing self acceptance and practicing compassion.

Seek out a life coach who can partner with you in unpacking these polarities and help you unearth your neurotic underserving patterns and work toward achieving an equilibrium, or a more mature state of emotions which allow you to express more of who you are. I am a leadership and executive coach and I am extremely fortunate to have mentors and personal coaches who is lean in on as my life style. I find myself being able to work faster through issues, find a quicker emotional equilibrium, it certainly helps in building alternative perspective when I am stuck and most importantly keeps me honest and away from distractions, temptations and single mindedness.