Remembering Yourself

Hello Everyone! Welcome to?On This Walk, a reflection on the winding journey of life in all its realness. We explore intimate, meaningful conversations as we reflect on pressing life questions, discuss both the tension points and choice points that can move us closer to our deeper, authentic lives.?

We try our best to find the paths that fill our lives with meaning, peace and connection. These paths begin within—exploring and balancing our inner landscape with awareness and compassion. Once connected deeply within, to our true nature, we seek to bring this essence and these gifts into our lives, relationships, and work, creating a life that feels aligned and authentic inside and out. Don’t think of me as a coach, guide, teacher, or mentor; I’m simply a walking partner sharing my experiences with you

Be my walking partner for the day.?

As we begin this newsletter, I want to share with you about what led me to this moment in time. How did I find myself?On This Walk??

There is something quietly whispering (until it’s screaming)?inside of us, waiting for us to listen. It all too often takes a catalyzing factor (usually in the form of a major life experience) for us to pay attention. These life experiences can come in the form of a loved one’s death, a traumatic break up, a health scare, or a career loss. Basically-?pain and suffering.?

My awakening came in the form of the year I attended four funerals. One included a close family friend who passed away way too young; like myself, he was also a father of kids that were just a little bit older than mine. As you can imagine, this is something that hit very, very close to home, and I started to take a look at my own life, family and whether or not it was aligned around what mattered most.?

Shortly after that, the fourth funeral came and was for somebody who had been a role model for me. About 45 minutes before I needed to leave to attend the service, I received a call from my (now former) business partner. I’m updating him on a difficult project before he stops me and says:

“Luke, what’s going on?”?

“I can hear it in your voice. I can hear it in your energy. I can hear the emotion behind it. It doesn't match what we're talking about.”

And so I just simply said, “I've gotta leave here again and go to another funeral.”?I could feel the defeat that was there in my energy and that's what he had picked up on.?

He simply said, “okay, we don't need to do this update now. We can do that next week. And when we do that, let's also talk about the fact that?you're beginning to display pretty much all of the classic?signs of burnout.”

And I kind of sat with that for a moment.?

So I go off to the funeral. It was a really beautiful service. One of his youngest children delivered this beautiful eulogy that was so clear that the things that he said about his father was how everybody knew him. He was so congruent in that regard. You could see everybody shaking their heads in agreement, “yeah, that's him, that's him, that's him.”

And yet, again, I'm struck with this feeling of alignment to what matters most. I’m asking myself, what's congruent and how am I feeling myself? If this was my day,?would others know me this way? If they knew me that way, would I say that's really who I am??

After the service, I go home, hang up my coat, walk through my kitchen and then barely a few steps into the next room, I collapse to the ground.?First to my knees, and then all the way down. I didn't even have the strength to stay on my knees. I sobbed openly. It was a good, ugly cry.??I remember feeling so empty laying on that floor?after I don't know how long.?Yet soon, I recognized that I have to get up. My wife’s going to be home with the kids in a little bit. This is not a good look.?

There I am yet again, putting up that stiff upper lip and saying, you need to move forward.?

You can't be seen in this type of way.

You need to keep yourself together.?

So I go upstairs and get changed. I splash some water on my face. As I'm doing that, my head comes up and I looked into the mirror at my own reflection.?

I catch that part of myself in my own eyes.?It's the same energy that's been looking back at me since I was just a child. My face had aged, but that energy that was looking back at me was as if I was looking at myself through my five year old eyes again. That energy never changed. That soul, that consciousness, whatever word you want to use for that essence, it was right there.?

I looked in the mirror, made contact with that part of myself and felt this wave of energy rushing up in me. Only when it reached my throat did I recognize that energy as?rage. I held that eye contact, and I yelled:

“Where did you go?!”

“Why did you leave me?!”

I felt abandoned by that part of myself. I felt as if that essence had gone somewhere. it had been elusive. It had let me go.

You may also be able to picture both the irony and humor of this transformative moment. When you shout into a mirror, it comes back at you.?

This whole journey was a recognition. We all go on these winding journeys and oftentimes that journey takes us away from the truth of?who it is that we are.?

I recognized at that moment that?it had always been there for me. It was always there. It was just covered underneath the layers, conditioning, and experiences while I went out and followed whatever it was that I thought I was supposed to go after.?

Whether that's the way that we get conditioned by society, culture, family, or friends—whatever it is— it doesn't matter. All of that conditioning begins to seep in. If we're not aware of it, we begin to move away. As we move away, there's that still subtle, small voice that's within?every single one of us?inviting us to come back home. It’s giving us little nudges to say, “that's not it for you. Come this way, come with me.”?And we ignore that for too long.?

Now, does it always have to be pain and suffering to awaken you? It doesn't, it's recognizing all of the little discord, the dissonance, the things that are out of harmony, the things that are out of alignment, incongruencies that are not drawing you deeper into alignment.?

You recognize the voice is always there.?The readiness unfortunately usually comes out of the pain and suffering because we're running all of the time and we're not taking the time and space to actually sit and listen to that voice, but it doesn't have to be that way.?

Begin within and listen. Let the mind chatter fall away, and in the gaps, that intimate space between moments, you’ll find the still, small voice. It’ll feel like home as it speaks to you. Pay attention to its guidance. Pay attention to all the ways it’s communicating through resonance, through nudges, through synchronicities, and sometimes through clear and obvious “do I have your attention now?” moments.?

And remember, this is just the start of our conversation. To keep it going, ask questions, and add your own thoughts, join the ongoing conversation… just head to www.onthiswalk.com and click on community in the upper right hand corner; it’s free to join.

Until we go On This Walk again, be well.

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Want to go deeper into your winding path? You can join the intimate and deep conversations we are having at?onthiswalk.com?or listen to my?podcast?on your favorite podcast app