Remembering Urv in P-Town

Dear Leaders,

This week I’m writing to you from Provincetown, MA. If you haven’t visited, PTown (as it is affectionately known) is a former Portuguese fishing village and artist colony and current vacation destination for LGBTQ+ folks from around the world. For me, PTown is the smell of fresh bread, the temptation of strong drinks, and the company of so many good friends. Like my Fire Island home, PTown is one of the most inclusive, diverse, and magical places in the US, merging classic Massachusetts Americana with rainbows, bear flags, and liberation symbols on every corner.

For my friend, pioneering LGBTQ+ author, activist, and thought leader Urvashi Vaid, PTown was, as she described it, her “happy place.” This is my first time back since her recent passing, and her absence here, in my life, and in the fight for equality is palpable.

Urv (as she was also affectionately known) and her longtime partner, comedian, author, and actor Kate Clinton, were PTown fixtures. Every evening in the summer, you could find her winning over a crowd of tourists in front of Joe Coffee. Whether it was about the weather or queerness, race, and gender, Urv had an intelligent, persuasive take that she was more than willing to share. Just down the street at the Crown and Anchor, Kate - who is equally persuasive - would be winning over audiences with her stand-up storytelling.??

Over the last twenty years, I had the honor to engage with both Kate and Urv on many of their philanthropic projects and social justice efforts. I was even invited to be a part of some amazing and fun conferences – where Kate once stole my seersucker jacket for her stand-up act.

Being here in PTown now - and having nearly everything remind me of Urv - I am struck by her legacy of love, compassion, and ferocious commitment to justice. The New York Times obituary put it well, “Long before the word ‘intersectionality’ entered common parlance, she was practicing it, insisting that freedom for gay men and lesbians required fighting for gender, racial, and economic equality as well.”?

For those of us who’ve known her for decades, like her best friend from college days Richard Burns (a gay icon himself), we witnessed firsthand how she practiced what she preached (and boy could she preach). It was breathtaking. She marched side-by-side with us when we demanded AIDS drugs, racial justice, women’s rights, and prison reform. If you haven’t seen her speech to the tens of thousands of LGBTQ+ people gathered on the Mall at the 2003 March on Washington, stop reading this newsletter and watch it now.

Urv believed - and helped me understand - that as LGBTQ+ people our unique POWER is that we exist in multiple spaces where the war for equality is being waged. It is also our unique RESPONSIBILITY. We must stand up for equality not just in the spaces where WE live, but where ALL of our LGBTQ+ friends and allies live as well. Urv had our backs. And in honor of what she fought for, we will always have hers.

In her book, “Virtual Equality: The Mainstreaming of Gay and Lesbian Liberation” she wrote about the primacy of power over access, that it wasn’t enough to get a seat at the table, you also have to have the power to move the people sitting around it. That’s what we’re doing at Out Leadership: we’re convening and developing CEOs and leaders (LGBTQ and ally) and helping them understand how to leverage their power (and the power of their companies as economic engines) to drive equality.

Today we’re fighting for our lives, from defending the rights of trans youth to the rights of women to control their own bodies. As a movement we cannot narrow our efforts and only focus on the things that impact us directly. We must continue the fight that Urv fought for decades. And like Urv, we must do it for everyone.

I’ll continue to share my philosophy that the challenging events of the last month have only served to galvanize and energize more and more people to move forward - not backward - into a world where we win equality, justice, and the right to live our lives authentically and safely.??

Tonight, I’ll take a walk down Commercial Street (the heart of PTown) and I’ll smile and think of my friend Urv. I know her spirit is still here, and everywhere our fight for justice continues. And I’ll remember how she made her happy place a whole lot happier.