Remembering Julian Robertson

Carrying a heavy heart this week to the news of Julian Robertson's passing. I only had the privilege of meeting Mr Robertson once, but the impact he has had on my life is immeasurable.

I felt like the luckiest girl in the world when I first joined the Robertson Scholars Leadership Program in 2018 - a full-ride scholarship to Duke University. I couldn’t have dreamed this up, but Mr Robertson and his late wife Josie did. They had huge hearts, a relentless determination for transformational change, an audacious belief in the power of young leaders and the magnanimous generosity to make this a reality for me and hundreds of Robbies (an affectionate term for "Robertson Scholars") before me.

To the Robertson family I owe my education, my best friends, so many metamorphic experiences, and most importantly my character.

For me, today marks the very last day of a summer packed full of sunshine, songwriting and solo travelling around Europe - another experience made possible by the scholarship’s generous funding. I’ve been asked how these travels have connected to the scholarship’s mission - Mr Robertson’s vision - of developing empathetic and impactful leaders. There is no short answer. I could write a novel - or better yet an album to connect the dots - and in essence that’s exactly what I’ve been trying to do.

College is meant to be the time of your life - and it has been - but my experience has also been shaped by many hard years battling depression.

It feels weird sharing the most vulnerable part of myself, the least accomplished side of Jia, on LinkedIn but this is what I know best. I have been craving honesty and authenticity in conversations about where I’m at, and where I’m working to be. I wish it were a passing phase, but it has been exhausting and crippling. I spent so many years believing that I was to blame. Thinking that if I ate healthier, exercised harder, slept longer and kept a positive attitude things would improve. These things do help, but they can’t fix people like me. Keeping myself busy was a healthy distraction, but one that also made my struggle even more invisible and sometimes, unbelievable to those who don’t experience these expansive highs and lows, and understandably so.

This has been my life for as long as I can remember and until very recently I barely felt I had the words to express it. So, this summer was about three things:

1. Acknowledging that I can’t expect to show up for others - in the way effective leaders do - if I am not showing up for myself first.
2. Rekindling my love for life, and filling my days with the people, places and activities that I know bring me joy without passing judgements about my productivity.
3. Finding words to express what I feel in the hopes that I can share those with others.

This summer was not about finding myself, so much as accepting myself. Less about seeing the world than exploring how I can feel authentically seen and heard - and doing the work to feel present, purposeful, honest, hopeful and connected. I’ve found solace in music as a medium which opens up this world to me.

Writing this today, I still feel like the luckiest girl in the world to be a Robertson Scholar. I've found a community that celebrates me for my accomplishments, as much as the challenges I'm still overcoming. I feel loved for my whole self. I feel empowered to write this on social media. I feel emboldened to slow down and explore, not knowing exactly where it will take me, but trusting that I need to make room for happiness and inspiration to strike. Both have.?

For all that Robertson has given me, I thought I’d give a little back by sharing a small soundbite from this journey. It’s rough around the edges, like me. A work in progress, like me. But, it is also filled with the same hopeful energy that this scholarship and this summer have gifted me.

My deepest condolences to the Robertson family - and my lifelong gratitude.

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Sending all my love and thanks to Felix Barrett and Joel Kim who composed and produced this demo respectively. Also, thanks to Antonia Young , Carsten Pran , Lucia Rindermann and Deepika Dua without whose encouragement I probably would not be sharing this. I am so thankful to have friends and family who see this journey as something to be proud of, not ashamed of.