Remembering "Ah Sweet Dancer" Road Victim....
Remembering "Ah Sweet Dancer" Road Victim.
As I write this thought for the week with?my remembrance candle lit, I am also listening to the famous Irish musician Michael O'Suilleabhain playing one of his masterpieces called, "Ah Sweet Dancer." It fittingly reminds me at this remembrance time of the year of my beautiful departed niece Aoife who was indeed "Ah Sweet Dancer." Just this Sunday gone, the 17th of November was The World Day of Remembrance for Road Traffic Victims. This day?during?the remembering time of November focused on both the overall scale and the individual devastation caused by road deaths and injuries and the impact upon families and communities around our country and around the world. Almost 4,000 people are killed and many hundreds of thousands injured on roads throughout the world every day.? Many more have to cope with bereavement or the effects of injury and thus become part of the huge group of people affected by road carnage. Close on 25,000 people have died on Irish roads since records began, in 1959. My beautiful 'sweet dancer' niece, Aoife Doyle, was one of them. Every road death, however caused, leaves a family bereaved forever. Many others remain deeply affected by the loss of a friend, colleague, neighbour or member of the community. The effect on the emergency services, who are faced with horrific scenes every day of their working lives is also profound. Road traffic injuries leave behind shattered lives, shattered families and shattered communities.
Sheer Size
In my life to date I have seen and we all have seen too many people die on our roads. The sheer size of the death toll and serious injuries suffered is staggering. The devastation that these incidents wreak on victims, their families, friends, colleagues and communities is incalculable. The tragedy is worsened as it is mainly the young and healthy, those in the prime of life and supporting their families, who are killed. Young people are disproportionately affected, as road accidents are the leading cause of death for young people globally. Help bring your voice to the discussion when election candidates call to your door looking for your vote on what can be done to promote responsible driving, and reduce the number of casualties on the road. This remembrance day on Sunday last also provided an opportunity to remind governments and society of their responsibility to make roads and vehicles safer. Essentially, it was a day to reflect on those who have lost their lives on Irish roads and to think about their loved ones who have been left behind.
Our Road Behaviour
World Day of Remembrance for people killed on our roads is a time for each one of us to reflect on our own behaviour on the roads and how that impacts on the safety of other road users. It is a time for us to remember those who have died on our roads as a result of road traffic collisions. The Day is also a time for self-reflection on how we use the roads ourselves.? Every time you sit behind the wheel, get on your bicycle or motorbike, or head out for a walk, consider what you can do to improve your safety on the roads. On this special remembrance day we also pay tribute to our dedicated, amazing, fabulous front-line staff, the Gardaí, emergency crews and medical professionals that deal with the aftermath of these collisions. The objectives of the World Day of Remembrance for Road Traffic Victims are to provide a platform for road traffic victims and their families to remember all people killed and seriously injured on the roads; to acknowledge the crucial work of the emergency services. and front line staff; to draw attention to the generally trivial legal response to culpable road deaths and injuries to advocate for better support for road traffic victims and victim families and to promote evidence-based actions to prevent and eventually stop further road traffic deaths and injuries.
Remembering
As we move through November, the month when we pray to and for our loved ones and remember the names of all our loved ones who have passed over into eternity, especially last Sunday of people who have died tragically on our roads, let us be mindful of them again and be grateful. In a time of loss if you can't muster up words for your prayer then let your tears be your prayer. I remember so vividly even now as I walked just over four years ago along the streets of the famous little town where I hailed from, at the funeral of my beautiful niece Aoife, I remember feeling the cold shivering breeze of the Coronavirus everywhere also at that time.? I prayed and reflected as I walked, and thought that this time must be one of the darkest and cruelest, and while I have dealt personally with many dark times on my journey through life, at that moment with the loss of Aoife through the reckless traumatic death caused so tragically by an aimless distracted driver on our roads, the tendency to fear and lose faith over how much is wrong, evil or unmended in this our world and indeed in this life made me think "how did I end up here"? Just over 18 years ago Aoife you came into our lives, an angel to us all from that special day. I was living here in Ireland at the time, and had vague and romantic designs on being a dad myself, even though I had no actual relevant experience, and knew absolutely nothing about parenting. The next best thing was to be blessed with a beautiful niece such as you Aoife, and you became an angel to everyone in our family and now always will be. What followed was years of friendship spanning thousands of miles as you travelled abroad with your wonderful parents. What a brilliant relationship you had with them and with your grandparents, aunts, uncles, and especially your cousins.? We treasure the photos of the 5 cousins meeting up over the years on various holidays and family get-togethers.? The esteem in which you were held by your teachers and school friends was evident in their story telling of the antics both at school and outside of school.? Your sense of humour and wit shined through your often quiet demeanour and gave us all a good laugh.? Your life journey Aoife was short, but for one so young a lot got packed into those 14 years and without you those number of years would have been very different. You were indeed "Ah Sweet Dancer" to us all.
Never take Life for granted
On a beautiful sun drenched Friday evening just over four years ago now at 7.15pm, Aoife was tragically killed by a driver in a car who was on his mobile phone and she ended up dying so painfully and needlessly and her earthly presence to us was no more. It was just at the start of the global pandemic, Aoife died of something entirely unrelated. But she is still a casualty of that time. She did not have a usual Irish wake or funeral but thankfully due to technology many people were able to join us in saying our goodbyes to Aoife's earthly body. The pain is indescribable, knowing that Aoife is gone, knowing the terrible loss for her beautiful parents and grandparents. Knowing that all the normal things we do in the face of death have been suspended, all the humanness that we need is gone. We move through life now, knowing that death is part of the deal we signed when we jumped into whatever life body we were given or blessed with. We understand that life is fragile, precarious, precious, but often we don't really feel it. To get through the days without risking insanity we ignore the pact we made with nature, or at the very least we minimise it. We trundle onwards, paying our bills, cleaning our houses, working nearly every hour God gives us, making decisions based not on what will bring us joy and laughter and the most love, but on what is economically sensible, or what fulfils our long term goals. We are rational and thoughtful and masterful of our world. We are used to being able to fix things, to work a way around a problem or find an answer or figure something out. But not anymore. Not right now for us having lost our precious Aoife, and not right now for the many people who have lost loved one's from road traffic deaths over the last year. There have been 149?deaths on our roads so far this year of 2024.?It is essential that all road users exercise caution and please stay safe when driving, cycling and walking.?Please Don't Text and Drive!! Please Don't Drink and Drive!! Please Don't take Drugs and Drive!! Please Don't Use Faulty Vehicles and Drive!! Please Don't take any chances and drive!!
The Connections
Every day when a road traffic death happens, we are jolted by mortality shocks and challenged by life events so wildly out of our control. Sometimes, it is distant and troubling, sometimes close and heartbreaking. We all secretly know where our strengths lie, what we do enough of, what we leave by the wayside in favour of less wholesome pursuits. But all these shocks, all this trauma, only serves to enhance those quiet feelings we all suffer that perhaps we aren't doing enough, that we're not living right, that we can do better if we get to have a second chance.? The exhaustion we feel right now especially and especially when we hear of more deaths on our roads brings yet again emotional discord: that mortality panic that we simply must live our best lives this instant because who knows when it will all end, coupled with the paralysis of these wild global conflicts that are affecting our world at present. It's like a single person trying to balance a seesaw by standing on one end. It's a game we cannot win. Aoife during her short life with us taught me a lot of things about living, but she also taught me that you don't have to balance the seesaw on your own, if at all.? Aoife treated every friendship like a tiny miracle and I especially saw that in her friendship with my daughters, her cousins, her school mates, and especially in her amazing friendships with her beautiful parents, her best friend Cara and her grandad Ricey.? Aoife held love and connection so gently in her palms as though they could shatter at any moment, as though she couldn't quite believe she was so lucky as to have these beautiful things in her life and it was what made?her 'Ah Sweet Dancer.' Aoife has taught me that living isn't about doing more or working more or playing more or being more, it's about the connections we make and the friendships we hold dear and the people we help.
The Light of Your Soul
Ours is not the task of fixing the entire world all at once, but of stretching out to mend the part of the world that is within our reach, the part that we come in contact with in our own daily living. After Aoife's sad passing I have realised that any small, loving, caring, compassionate, merciful, prayerful and calm thing that one soul can do to help another soul, to assist some portion of this poor suffering world, will help immensely. It is not given to us to know which acts or by whom, will cause the critical mass to tip towards an enduring good and peace. What is needed for dramatic change for the good to take place is an accumulation of good, honest, loving and caring acts, adding, then adding more and then continuing. We know that it does not take everyone on this beautiful planet we call Earth to bring justice and peace, but only a small, determined group who will not give up during the first, second, or hundredth gale or wave. One of the most calming, revitalising, refocusing and powerful actions you can do, to intervene in a stormy world or to make the storm or in this case the virus within you and without, is to stand up and show your own soul. A Soul for example, is like a shining light on the deck of a ship at sea that shines brightly in dark times. The light of the soul, actually the light of your soul can throw sparks, can send up flares, build signal fires and cause proper matter to catch fire. To display the light of your soul in shadowy times like these, to be fierce and to show mercy, love, care, compassion toward others, are all acts of immense bravery, kindness, empathy and greatest necessity, especially during these worrying times.? Struggling souls like mine, at bereft times, catch light from other souls, who are fully lit and willing to show it. If you would help to calm the tumult and the fear, this is one of the strongest things you can do. There will always be times when you feel despair and some what at sea. I too, have felt discouraged, fearful, angry, lost, hurt, and afraid, at times in my life and no more so than now, as I remember suffer such great loss, but I try hard not to keep a chair for it, I try hard not to let it live rent free in my head or to give it a full time position there, I try so hard not entertain it. I try not to allow it to eat from my plate or drink from my cup. I try through Aoife's help from heaven to be 'Ah Sweet Dancer,' like she always was as I continue to make my journey through this sometimes tough and painful life.
The Reason is this
In my bones I know something, as do you and if we are honest we all do at times. It is that there can be no despair when you remember why you came to Earth, who you serve, and who sent you here. The good words we say and the good deeds we do are not ours: They are the words and deeds of the One who brought us here. In that spirit, I hope you will write this on your wall: "When a great ship is in harbour and moored, it is safe, there can be no doubt. But that is not what great ships are built for. This comes with much love and a prayer that you remember who you came from, and why you came to this beautiful, needful Earth. We will all mourn at some stage in our lives. My grief is not unique, nor is yours. It is ours, together, and we will see it through together. The normality we think we need to process our trauma may have been swept away, but rushing into the vacuum is something else. These are the new connections, the new shoots that appear after the destruction of nature. The new friendships, the new ways of helping each other, the new ways of being, and each one is precious in helping us to build up again our most fearsome strength. In this way - seeing these precious jewels, cradling them gently, nurturing and growing them - we best honour the people we are losing to death, and my family especially Oonagh and Damien in losing our beautiful Aoife and share all the things they have taught us. As Aoife showed me, You don't have to balance the seesaw. You don't have to write the next best seller or be the next top class sports person or the next millionaire. But try to be the reason someone believes in the goodness of people. You are not alone. Rest. Be gentle. Be kind. Get through the day. Know that you are cared for and needed. Most of all know that you are loved.
Thought for the week
As your thought for the week, always remember that life's road is sometimes extremely tough, because the time we have with our loved ones is just simply not long enough, especially when they are taken away tragically in someway or other and especially if they have been taken away from us by been killed on our roads.? I will finish this thought for the week by thanking everyone who helped our family, especially Aoife's parents and grandparents in any way over the last few years as they are still?hurting unimaginably. We would have been further lost without your love and care. Aoife, like everyone who has died on our roads over the years, had many plans for a life of her own but was deprived of the chance to implement them by a careless, heedless driver texting on his mobile phone. So many questions unasked, so many experiences unshared. There are no words to describe the impact of the sudden cutting-off of a daughter’s, a grand daughter's or a niece's unconditional and lasting love and support. One of my favourite poems is TS Eliot’s "The Love Song of J Alfred Prufrock." It is preoccupied with time and ageing but I have learned over the years that it takes time to properly appreciate how finite and precious time really is. ‘There will be time,’ Eliot wrote. But alas not enough time for my beautiful young niece Aoife,?whose time was ended needlessly on a rural country road. There will never be time to fill the void that has been left in our lives and especially in her parents lives. Ní neart go cur le chéile – together we are indeed strong and we still need to believe every day that we can make a difference. We owe it to those loved ones lost to us and to those seriously injured in road crashes and we will always remember them and keep them as our core inspiration for the continuing fight to bring about more real change for greater safety on our roads.?World Day of Remembrance for Road Traffic Victims was Sunday November 17th last. Please remember them and all our loved ones and everyone who has paved the way for us especially Aoife, "Ah Sweet Dancer." Amen.