Remembering 2020

How will we remember the first half of 2020? The year did not start too well in Australia with fires raging across the nation, and some months later there is not a corner of the world escaping the impact of COVID-19. It is not possible to overstate the ramifications for families, friends and colleagues during these times. Consequently, this is a period in which many have reached out to people they trust to talk about key decisions and difficulties they are experiencing. When each of us look back at this challenging time, the way in which we approached it will have a significant impact on how we remember it. 

There are a few books and trusted sources to which I find myself constantly reverting as I develop my coaching toolkit. This week I found myself back in the book Co-active Coaching. I have read this book a couple of times, and have frequently said that if you have time to read just one book on coaching, choose this one. (Actually, I do believe that if you feel you have time to read one book, you probably have time to read two, so put the classic Coaching for Performance by John Whittmore in your shopping basket as well!)

The reason I stuck my nose back in this book last week was that I was lucky enough to speak with a couple of people who were facing significant decisions both professionally and personally. When faced with tough decisions it is easy for many of us to focus on the nuts and bolts of the decision. What will option A bring us over decision B? The pros and cons of both, or best and worst case scenarios. What is often overlooked, is that key decisions are best made with an awareness about what truly matters for a person. The clarification of values is the centre-piece of any description of what really matters.

Co-Active Coaching nicely captures ideas around the hunger for fulfillment, and the strong link to an individual’s values. That is one reason I get back to it often for a quick top-up. The analogy that stays with me is the comparison between being pushed along a path by the lure of money or prestige as compared to the gravitational pull along that same path from values or a compelling life vision. 

Clarification of values offers all of us the chance to create our own road-map - a personal GPS if you like - against which we can assess decisions as impactful as an international relocation or a drastic change in employment. Many people seek a coach at times when decisions loom large in their outlook and where there is a tight time-limit for such decisions. It is that pressure which often creates the impetus to seek a coach at such times. 

Despite the seemingly urgent decision, one primary role of a coach is to create an environment in which awareness can emerge for the client. Given the importance of awareness as a basis for better decision-making, wherever possible this should not be rushed. Reinhard Stelter in a chapter from The SAGE handbook of Coaching describes this part of the process as the “art of lingering” or a time of slowing down to allow thinking and reflection. Different schools advocate different methods for drawing out values in conversation or set tasks. While I find there is no one-size-fits-all, I prefer to allow the time in a foundation session to let these values emerge from discussions of key moments in a coachee’s history. Tell me about a time when you felt truly alive? Describe a time when you found things particularly challenging that you now look back on fondly? What can’t you live without? What would you like your legacy to be? Conversations around these questions help bring closely-held values to the surface. Coupled with an agreed process for recording these values, this forms a strong basis from which an individual can make decisions that bring them closer to a fulfilling path.

What becomes clear in many of these discussions is that situations where we have faced significant hurdles, but stayed true to our values, are in retrospect viewed as some of our most fulfilling moments. Often these are periods of significant turmoil and stress, yet despite this they stay with us as successful periods of growth. They are times we may well think back to when asked about a chapter in our life when we felt truly alive. Truly fulfilled.

I have thought a lot about how many of us might look back at these first six months of 2020. In Australia we kicked off the year with an unprecedented bushfire season, and none of us need any reminder of the occurrences of the past few months. How might we assess these months in the rear view mirror at a time in the future? The impact of both the pandemic and the fires has been huge, and for many people catastrophic. In the face of these times we also see that the values many people hold dear has brought about a rekindled sense of community, and a refocusing on family. Despite being physically apart many of us have witnessed an increasing concern for colleagues, friends, family and even total strangers. In many cases the crisis has reduced trust in governments and in many others the performance of leaders has been impressive and the trust of the community increased. Many businesses and leaders have had the opportunity to demonstrate that the often-stated focus on the health and safety of employees is actually a tangible reality when tested.

Despite the turmoil, when we look back to the first half of 2020 it will be through a lens that assesses how the actions we took, and the decisions that we made, aligned with our values. During these times, the clarity and awareness that a professional coach can help clients find is a valuable resource in aligning decision-making with the things that truly matter. It is coaching conversations like these that I, and many other coaches, find incredibly rewarding.