Remember to Take Care of Yourself While Taking Care of Others

In my latest podcast episode, Kelis Rowe, author of young adult fiction novel Finding Jupiter, and I discuss balancing your needs with taking care of the needs of others, discovering your purpose, and the benefits of putting yourself first. 

Kelis started her career in marketing. She loved her work and couldn’t imagine life without it. When she and her husband married, Kelis planned to continue building her marketing career while at the same time nurturing and parenting children. But life threw her an unexpected twist. Her first baby was born with Sensory Processing Disorder, and was unable to flourish in a traditional school environment. So Kelis made the decision to homeschool him, throwing herself into the task. She was proud that she was able to create a safe space for her son to grow and thrive, but admits that she began to disappear. She forgot to take care of the most important person in the child-parent relationship–herself. 

Her plan was to return to her marketing career when her son was ready to go back to a traditional school environment, but when the time came, ten years had passed since Kelis had been in the workforce. The entire Marketing landscape had changed and her skills were outdated. The career she left behind no longer existed. 

Kelis had to go within and define her life going forward based on a new set of values and goals, so she created a vision board to figure out what those were. On that vision board (see link below on how to create your vision board) she saw herself writing literature that made a significant positive impact on Black culture in America. She also saw herself as a happy, balanced mom. Kelis’ deep desire to live a fulfilled life and be an example to those closest to her motivated her to bring her vision board to life. 

Kelis pivoted and not only stepped into her whole self, but created a wonderful work of art, Finding Jupiter, that will certainly have a lasting impact on Black American culture. I love Kelis’ novel because in her words, she “writes a classic teen romance novel from the point of view of grounded, self-possessed Black girls and Black boys.” She creates a window into a world of Black culture where the contemporary lives of Black youth are bright and full of adventure. 

Every podcast guest leaves her Pivot Pearls of Wisdom for listeners. In summary Kelis says, If I had never pursued my dream I would be three fourths of a person and the quarter missing would be that deep and true happiness. I love my kids, I love being a mom, I love being a wife, but I would be battling depression inside. Moms, your kids and your families deserve to see you work towards and achieve your dreams. They deserve it. And if you're not a mom,  your friends, your families, the village who shows up for you deserve to see you go after and achieve your dreams— and you deserve to do it too. 

Kelis teaches us that even though you might start out in one spot, you have the power to pivot and take yourself somewhere else. Let your values be your guide, and use resources (such as a vision board!) and people in your life to help you obtain clarity around what those are. Even more importantly,  Kelis teaches us to remember to nurture our own desires and not allow them to get lost in caring for others. If you’re only three fourths of who you’re meant to be, you can’t healthily show up for the loved ones in your life. 

Check out this link to learn how to create your own vision board. If you’ve never made one–make one! (https://www.oprahdaily.com/life/a29959841/how-to-make-a-vision-board/)

You can find Kelis at www.kelisrowe.com. Listen to the podcast episode via www.rhondacolemanwandel.com or wherever you get your podcasts.