Remember the Human and Give Grace

There's something that I need to say. I spent a lot of time not being part of this conversation, but now it's time for me to join in. Typically, when there are disputes or any type of negativity on social media - I abstain from participating. This is a personal preference, policy, and way of life that I have chosen. Today, I make a one-time exception.

A few months back, a friend of mine was ambushed on social media. He made some mistakes. Maybe he made a lot of mistakes - I really don't know. But somebody from the other side of the world decided to take it upon themselves to call him out and ultimately ruin his reputation, and I believe intended to ruin his life's work.

This is a big problem for me.

Please note I'm not saying that we should not talk to others about their bad behavior. We should do that - we should TALK to them. But once we've talked to them, even if we don't like what they have to say, our job is done. ?What we shouldn't do is let our feelings of unease with the way that they respond turn into a reason to splash hate about them across social media channels in ways that cannot be reversed.

Our words can be weaponized. And too often we automatically weaponize them without thinking about the repercussions of what we're doing. What then happens is the words that we say to others dehumanize the person we're talking about. So that we're no longer thinking of them as a human, someone who is capable of mistakes and also capable of redemption and worth giving grace. Instead, we dehumanize them and make them the enemy. We make them seem like they are less than human and not worthy of being treated in a humane way. This in essence is Cancel Culture. We have become a society of contempt that when we see something we don't like or don't agree with we cancel it.

Have you ever made a mistake? Have you ever made the same mistake repeatedly? What if you were never forgiven? What if instead you now had to walk around with this mistake tattooed on your forehead forever. Like a scarlet A on your chest. What if because of this mistake you could no longer get work? Or you have to change industries because you've lost your credibility? What if that mistake was something you are trying to atone for but nobody sees and nobody cares because you've been dehumanized and made the enemy?

I am not advocating bullying. Actually, just the opposite. Because when you call out a bully and try to make others see that he's a bully with the intent, whether stated or not, to smear his reputation, you are in fact a bully. You have become the thing that you supposedly hate.

OK, Betty, you shared your feelings, now what?

That's a good question. I think it's a question for all of us. Now, what do we do?

We need to be vigilant and aware of what it is that we are supporting, reading, and furthering on social media especially when it's about other people. If it's not building them up it's tearing them down. And who are we to display other folks’ mistakes when we have so many of our own?

I'll also add that passive-aggressive posts about other people are exactly the same thing. Even if you don't call out their name, when you dehumanize and speak ill of a group of people or a category of people, you are a bully. You are contributing to and furthering the dehumanization of your fellow humans.

BTW – if you want to know what the incident is that I am referring to – just ask. Not trying to be passive but refuse to stoke the fire that seems to have smoldered out.?

I've been quiet and somewhat absent from social media since this whole thing happened. The truth is I was already very disenchanted with social media before this even began. But this event, really made me step back and think - if I'm not building others up and moving the industry forward in a positive way, I don't want to be a part of the social media landscape. I hope that you think the same way. I hope that you want to build others up and move the industry forward. That doesn't mean that we should stand for injustice, but we have to be humane about it. We have to remember that everyone on the other side of social media is a human just like you and me. And we need to serve up the same grace we would beg others to give to us.??