Learning to Hope

I don't know who might need to hear this story of hope today, but I have the sense that in week 4 of Melbourne lockdown, there are some who might. I hope it helps.

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In my early twenties, I was going through a difficult patch. I had finished Uni but didn't have my first "real" job yet, had no money, all my friends were in Melbourne and I was feeling pretty lost. I had a few small casual jobs at tired old pizza parlours, bars and cafes, and one of them made me particularly miserable. It was in a famous old seaside boutique hotel, about 30 minutes' drive from home. I had the unlucky privilege of being the brekky cook / F&B attendant which meant arriving there at 5am, so getting up in the middle of winter for that shift was very, very hard. I would get into my little old car with the busted heater, wrapped in a giant coat and drive 30 minutes in the freezing cold darkness through the suburbs out into the countryside and down the coast. Every morning, I was in a kind of fog, feeling sorry for myself, lonely, desperate for anything to change, for my real life to begin. By the time I arrived at work to nervously cook greasy bacon and eggs and serve it to the rich guests from the city, I was nearly in tears with the frustration of it all. It seemed like it would never end and I thought this would be my life, forever (as you do, in your early twenties!). When I think back to it, the feeling is similar to now, in week 4 of Lockdown 2.0.

One morning, as I rounded the corner in the car, my headlights caught a flash of bright colour on the grass as I drove by. What was that? Some kind of wildflower, I thought. I felt the fog lift for just a second as I wondered to myself about whether I'd be able to spot it again the following day. My egg and bacon shift went on as usual, another one to add to the pile of days I felt were wasted in work I didn't like, in a life I was not enjoying. But the next morning, as I rounded that corner just after 4.30am, I noticed a little zing of anticipation as I looked for the wildflower patch, and smiled to myself as I passed by. They looked like yellow daisies growing wild on the edge of the field. As I drove past, I realised I smiled for a few moments and wondered if maybe, it might be a better day. I'm not sure if it was, but I do remember looking for the patch of flowers with more and more anticipation every morning as the week went by.

One day, when looking for my daisies, I realised that the headlights shone on other things I hadn't seen before, that were beautiful too. A friendly looking cow slowly chewing it's cud as it peered over the fence at me. A sneaky Fox darting into the bushes to hide as I went by. And of course, the faint but beautiful bay view as I drew close to the seaside hotel, lit by the pale early morning light as the days got longer and spring started to arrive. Somewhere along the line, I started to actually look forward to not only the patch of daisies, but the whole trip, as beautiful moments flashed by me out the window, every single morning. Before I knew it, I realised I knew where every point of beauty was for the whole drive, and then realised I could start searching for beauty in other places too; not just on the drive, but in the surroundings of my workplace, the smiles of the customers, the quiet satisfaction of knowing I'd done a good day of work. I started looking. And I started finding it, everywhere.

My life had changed, tiny increment by increment, because I had learned to look for what was good. I was happier and more satisfied with my days, looking forward with more hope to the future, and able to see the good around me in the everyday. From that place of quiet despair, I learned one of the most important lessons of my life.

Don't lose hope. If you look, there will always be a single flower in bloom, closer than you think.

Lockdown is hard. Everyone's tired and over it. But please, don't lose hope. Today, I share my daisy story with you, in case you need it. And I wish you all a week ahead full of beautiful tiny moments, that are there if you look for them. That's all you need, just start with one.