Remember to be Grateful

Currently, I live in the northeastern part of the US, and recently we’ve experienced a bit of a heatwave. As a child of the summer (#cancerseason), I am very much a fan of the heat. As Beyoncé once said, a little sweat ain’t never hurt nobody. However, I’ve heard a lot of people complaining about the heat. And while I get it, I really do, I notice the same people who complain about the heat, also complain about the cold. And I began to think, it must be a horrible existence to never be satisfied with the state you are in.?

Of course, the way my mind works, I began reflecting on how this dissatisfaction or insatiableness is not relegated to the weather. I realized that many of us always want more or less of something, at any given moment. We want more money, so we get a new job. But then we aren’t satisfied, so we seek out another job, to make more money. Or we aren’t happy with our weight, and no matter how much we lose, we never quite reach the ideal size. And the list goes on and on and on (insert Erykah Badu music). I believe we live in a culture that has created unrealistic standards so that no matter what we do, we never feel satisfied. And if we are never satisfied, then how can we be grateful?

As I have gotten older, I’ve learned to shed the weight of the expectations of others. This remains an ongoing process, but I recognize that much of my adolescent and young adult behaviors were in response to outside stimuli. I wanted acceptance, I yearned for people to be proud of me, and I longed for validation. However, I was never satisfied, and I certainly wasn’t happy. While I felt I did all the things I was supposed to do, it wasn’t until I took a step back, a pause, to reflect on who I was, my worth, and my desires in the context of my community that I was able to truly be grateful.?

I realized the things I worked toward, already belonged to me. I was already accepted, my village was already proud of me, and my needs were already met. This realization helped me to make choices that truly fulfilled me, because my decisions were no longer based on working toward some impossible goal. My attitude toward work even changed. A mentor once said to me, “your job is not your work, your work is your work.” And she was right! I am grateful for my job… jobzzzz! However, my worth is not in my job. And I am grateful for that too ???

So, here is my strategy for gratitude. Warning, this may seem a bit cheesy…. But who doesn’t like cheese ??

1. Count Your Blessings: One day this week, carve out some time and list all of the things that are good in your life. Feel free to start broad (family, friends, health) but try to be specific (list every bill you were able to pay as its own item).
2. Reflect on One Big Goal You Achieved in Your Life: This can be something from childhood or as recently as yesterday. It can be graduating from college, going on a vacation, beginning a fitness journey. But take a moment to think about what it took to accomplish that goal.
3. Breathe In and Out: If you did this, it means you are alive. Every breath is an opportunity. If you are still breathing, you can keep going.?
4. Compare Down: Now, I know this may seem odd. However, although we may not be where we want to be, most of us are not where we could be! I am grateful everyday when I think about the stumbling blocks I avoided or the grace or luck that gave me this lot in life.?
5. Indulge Yourself: If none of the above helps, do something that you know will bring you joy. And when it does, be grateful that there is something in this life that can bring you joy. ??

**On another note: Remember Sikhona Sanctuary is hosting an immersive educational experience in Ghana, this December 2024! Applications are open! Simply click here

Know someone who might benefit from this article? Tag those you love, admire, and respect to have them [follow me & subscribe here].

Are you part of an organization or team that would benefit from wellness speaking, training, or consultation support? I’d love to connect! [Book a consultation call with me to share about your vision for your team or organization.]

Dr. Ebony White is a counselor, advocate, activist, speaker, trainer, researcher, and mental health expert. She has devoted her career to supporting under-resourced, underserved, culturally rich and immensely capable individuals, families, and communities. Her varied personal experiences, extensive education, and expertise in research and practice have uniquely positioned her to counsel, teach, and train in ways that lead to transformation in the lives of individuals, communities, and organizations.

Dr. Ebony’s impact reaches across the globe. As an expert in her field, she has supported local and national organizations including the NJ FBI, National League of Nursing, and the Center for Health Care Strategies (CHCS), and has been quoted in numerous news outlets including Newsweek, Medium, the Philadelphia Inquirer, PopSugar and the New York Times. She has been a repeated guest expert on CBS News in Philadelphia, FOX 29 News, and was featured on TVC News Nigeria. Furthermore, she has done trauma work in Haiti, provided training to leaders in the healthcare system in Nigeria, and created a mental health course for students in Ghana.

She has published several articles in peer-reviewed journals and appears in the advocacy focused video from Alexander Street Press titled Helping Counselors and Psychologists as Advocates and Activists: Strength, Solidarity, Strategy and Sustainability. Dr. Ebony also gave a TEDx talk, titled “You Don’t Get to Name Me.” Dr. Ebony has received multiple awards including the Community Service Award from the NJ State Federation of Colored Women’s Clubs and the Carver Youth and Family Center, the Dr. Judy Lewis Counselor for Social Justice award from the American Counseling Association (ACA), and the award for Outstanding Service and Advocacy to the Profession of Counseling from the North Atlantic Region of ACA.

Currently, Dr. Ebony is the Past President of Counselors for Social Justice, a national organization, and was appointed to the ACA Anti-Racism Commission. More important than her educational achievements and awards are her identities as a daughter, granddaughter, sister, aunt, cousin, friend, godmother, and niece. She lives by Ubuntu, “I am because we are, and because we are, I am.” Learn more about Dr. Ebony at https://www.drebonywhite.com