The Relentless Pursuit of Something —And Why I Stopped

Last week, I was on a video call with my mother, telling her how—even two years in—I’m still not used to the cold, dark winters in Sweden.?

She sounded surprised. “I always thought your adaptability was your greatest gift,” she said, pausing for effect, “and your greatest curse.”

As a Colombian-Chinese woman born in Colombia, who went to preschool in China, grew up in Canada, and worked in Denmark, Turkey, the UK, and Sweden, I’ve always thought of myself as a real-life chameleon.?

I’ve moved seamlessly between countries, cultures, and languages, constantly adapting to new environments.

But my mother’s words made me stop and think: What have I been adapting to all this time, and at what cost?

The Pursuit of "Something"

For as long as I can remember, my career has been a relentless pursuit of… something.

Whether it was chasing validation for my skills, proving my hard work, or seeking fame on television, I was always on the hunt.?

Later, I thought I found a nobler calling—the humanitarian prestige of working for the United Nations.?

But even then, I was chasing something.?

External validation. A gold star. A pat on the back.

And let me tell you: that kind of chasing eventually left me breathless. Maybe you can relate?

I vividly remember one of those "hollow victories."?

Standing on stage after being crowned Miss Chinese Vancouver 2016, I smiled for the cameras, surrounded by applause and flowers. Outwardly, I was living the dream. Inwardly, I felt empty.

A few years later, working at the United Nations , I had another rude awakening.?Two months into the job, I realized our meetings were knee-deep in bureaucracy. I started questioning whether we were actually making a difference for the people we were supposed to help.?

Was all this effort really moving the needle, or were we just going in circles?

Lessons Along the Way

Don’t get me wrong, there was a lot of value in those experiences.?

I met incredible people who expanded my worldview.?

I was featured on a Chinese television dating show (yes, seriously—it was wild).?

And I learned a lot about myself: what I stand for, what I’m willing to tolerate, and what I’m not.

I also learned where I don’t belong.?

In my twenties, I went through phases of trying (literally) everything.?

From working the front desk at a Japanese restaurant while finishing my last year of university, to coaching beauty pageant contestants in Vancouver, to flying off to Morocco to become a full-time yoga teacher, and eventually moving to Sweden to manage social media for Normative.io , a carbon accounting company—I’ve sampled a little bit of everything.?

These experiences gave me a taste of different worlds, but more importantly, they showed me what wasn’t for me.

But the biggest lesson came when I stopped chasing external validation and silenced the noise.

?For once, I actually listened to what my heart wanted.

Finding My Purpose

When I stripped away the layers of societal expectations and career ambitions, I landed on two things that truly lit me up:

1. Helping people express their inner brilliance through the art of public speaking (this is where my skills shine).
2. Educating children with values that nurture the mind, body and soul (this is where another big passion lies).

I chose public speaking coaching, not just because I needed to make a living (this girl’s gotta eat), but because it felt like a way to take all my experiences and use them to help others find their voice.

The Best Decision of My Life

Now I’m 30, and boy am I excited for this journey.?

I finally feel like I’m living a life that aligns with my values and allows me to make a real impact.?

Every coaching session, every breakthrough moment with a client reminds me that this is where I’m meant to be, at least for now.?

The path here wasn’t linear, but it was worth every twist and turn (and it’s so much fun!).

I’ve been able to work with people from all walks of life—entrepreneurs, executives, students—and help them tell their stories with confidence and authenticity.?

It feels like the culmination of everything I’ve learned: my adaptability, my on-camera experience, and my love for connecting with others.

For the first time, I’m not chasing.?

I’m creating.?

I’m building something that feels true to who I am.?

And in helping others find their voice, I think I’ve finally found my own.

Ps. I’d love to hear your thoughts—what’s something you’ve chased, and what helped you find your way back to yourself?

Originally published at Public Speaking with Maria. January 2025.