The relationships which form us

'No man is an Island, entire of itself; every man is a piece of the Continent, a part of the main'. John Donne, Meditation XVII

“Bah," said Scrooge, "Humbug.” Charles Dickens, A Christmas Carol

There is a reason social isolation is used as a form of torture for prisoners of war, or punishment in various prison systems around the world. Even if an individual were to start that isolation period with a good degree of physical and mental health, the process would ultimately be the undoing of their very physical and mental integrity. We are quite simply built for social relationships, and social science data is clear: adults who are more socially connected fare better on health and longevity indicators than their more isolated contemporaries.

Ebenezer Scrooge, in Charles Dickens' morality tale 'A Christmas Carol', experiences a series of ghostly encounters which give him insight and perspective into the lonely, selfish and unfulfilled life he lives as a miser. With spiritual prompting, he begins to see that his life is not just about himself, but that his inaction in assisting others has severely negative consequences for those whose plight he choses to ignore, but also ultimately and ironically that his own life is much poorer for it. Scrooge's isolation is a self imposed one, where he has exchanged love of his fellow people for single-minded pursuit of the love of money. In the end (spoiler alert) he has a complete change of heart, and seeks to encourage and bless those around him to help them thrive financially and relationally. This is turn fills his own heart with joy and a sense of belonging.

The common theme in the above examples, is that they both speak to forms of imprisonment, even though the second was willfully chosen by the character. Naturally, this hampers human relational thriving. And as mentioned above, social ties are key determinants of health. But how exactly is this the case?

According to a study by Umberson and Montez , in the Journal of Social Health and Behaviour (2010), there are three key areas where our health is affected by relationships:

• behavioural
• psychosocial
• physiological

Health behaviours are wide ranging, and can account for an astounding 40% of premature mortality in the USA. Some behaviours promote health (healthy eating, exercise, medication adherence), and others undermine health (smoking, weight gain, heavy alcohol consumption). Social ties have a way of influencing and controlling health behaviours by instilling a sense of responsibility and concern for others, and further creating norms which influence health positively.

Psychosocially speaking; social support, personal control and mental health are key factors. Social support can create emotionally sustaining relationships, which can further ameliorate the effects of stress, and create a sense of meaning and purpose in life. Personal control, like Scrooge's epiphany, highlights that a person comes to believe they have agency in their lives to change health outcomes. Mental health can be complex, but one of the simplest effects of psychosocial support is to enhance psychological wellbeing. This in turn can have the added benefit of not wanting to engage in health compromising behaviour, and may in fact rather promote health seeking behaviour.

Focusing then on the micro level of physiology, there are very well documented effects of healthy social relationships on improved hormone, cardiovascular and immune function. In fact emotionally support childhoods support the health development of metabolic and nervous system regulatory function. And extrapolated into adulthood, continued supportive environments reduces physiological reactivity to real and anticipated stresses.

The truly encouraging reminder in all of this is that relationships involve an exchange, and an ongoing bilateral flow of influence. Having said that, perhaps in a world of multiple social intersections this could be your own spiritual prompt:

'Whoever brings blessing will be enriched, and one who waters will himself be watered' Proverbs 11:25

Wishing you good social relationships and optimal mental health.