The Relationships We Build

As a business strategist, my objective is to help our clients reach their stated goals by building pathways to the outcomes they desire and removing those things that inhibit the process. Although these inhibitions can cover a myriad of scenarios, the one consistent key to their ultimate success is the quality of relationships they build.

The same is true for my firm, we must establish a level of honesty and trust with our clients that allows us to speak candidly and without filters. This has led to some significant breakthroughs with some and the decision to no longer work together with others, but in all cases we both had an opportunity to grow from the experience.

The Cambridge Dictionary defines relationships as, “the way in which things are connected or work together.” I believe this simple definition is the key to turning around many of the problems we are experiencing in our society both personally and professionally.

Personal Relationships

Before you can have a strong relationship with someone else, you must have a strong relationship with yourself! There is no one who speaks into your life more than you. So, what are you saying to yourself?

Your subconscious mind runs 95% of all you do, and is a direct reflection of what it is taught by your thoughts. It does not filter whether the thoughts are right or wrong, it just reproduces what has been planted.

Whether you use books, podcasts, or mental health counseling, you must feed your subconscious with thoughts of empathy, honesty, trust, and compassion. Seek help for thoughts that cause you to have a negative outlook on life because it will affect you mentally and physically.

Philippians 4:8 tells us, “Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things.”

Once you are in a proper relationship with yourself, you are ready to share that same attention and purpose with everyone you encounter. It doesn’t matter the nature of your encounter or the duration.

When you make a purposeful effort to give anyone you are engaged with your full attention, you will be amazed the difference it makes. In fact, when you are fully focused on providing the best experience you can for the person you are engaging, you don’t even need words.

A good friend of my wife and I needed to have a procedure done out of town. His wife was accompanying him, but their six-month-old daughter was too young to be there for the duration. Of course, we volunteered to take care of the baby until they returned (my wife did), even though our youngest child is now 34.

Once she arrived, everything was fine as long as Mom and Dad were in view, but after they left, the baby began to cry…quite loudly I might add. When you consider this was her first time in our home, only the second time she had been around us, and no Mom and Dad, it had to have been very stressful for her.

My wife was very diligent in making sure she had everything she needed, from food to a fresh diaper, but the crying persisted. She would rock her to sleep, but after about 15 minutes she would awake and start crying again.

As part of the team, I took over walking her through the house, playing with toys, and doing everything I could to let her know she was safe, and we were going to take care of whatever she needed. But since she was an infant I couldn’t verbally reassure her, and she couldn’t tell us what was making her so upset.

After a few hours, she began to calm down and for the next few hours we had a great time. She played with my wife and me, crawled around the family room, and even watched a Disney movie. When her parents arrived, they were very surprised at how relaxed she was and how much she was enjoying our company.

What that experience taught me was it takes consistent effort to build a relationship of trust and comfort, especially when there are communication challenges. The baby did not understand what we were saying, and we couldn’t understand what she was feeling, but since we showed her our willingness to be with her no matter how loud she cried, she was able to get to the place where she felt comfortable and safe and that changed the whole experience for all of us.

Professional Relationships

Over the years, I have coached many business owners and managers through challenges with team members and stakeholders and once again the solutions always worked back to relationships.

Even now when my firm is contacted to help build strategies for revenue growth, our pathways begin with defining the relationship between management and employees and the relationship between the business and its customers.

In many cases we find the traditional business model of owners and managers using fear and intimidation as a motivator. People are afraid of losing their jobs, so they comply with whatever they are asked to do, but seldom give it their best efforts. This is a clear indicator of a lack of connection between the two, which usually results in high turnover and discourse among team members.

One of my favorite exercises to do with clients is a game I call “Who do I work with?” I have each member of the team write something about themselves that no one else in the room knows about them and throughout the session I would read one of them and the rest of the team must guess who it is. The person who gets the most right wins a prize.

With few exceptions, the manager gets the most wrong and there is a team member who gets at least 75% correct. When I ask if the person who scored the highest is part of the management team, the answer is usually “no”.

As I reveal the answers to the group, there is always a lot of laughter and discovery. People are shocked to learn of personal accomplishments, talents, and sometimes odd behaviors, but they never view the team the same.

I then use this exercise to lead into the importance of them knowing one another and building relationships that allow them to work together to accomplish company goals and expectations. We discuss their role in terms of the business hierarchy and their true function as the pivotal part of the business.

For owners and managers, I remind them they have “people” working for them and just as they must make an effort to keep harmony in their personal relationships, the same is true at work. Employees and team members must feel they are supported, there is concern for their well-being, and there are opportunities to grow as the company grows.

Take the time to get to know the people who work for you. Have company functions off campus and allow them to bring family members. Be as transparent as possible.

When I was a retail manager, I had a store where I showed my team the quarterly profit and loss statements, taught them how to read them, and what the numbers meant in terms of their pay and potential growth.

Soon they were asking how we were trending and what they could do to increase profitability. Our location was in the top 10 of over 100 stores in the chain and I gave them raises commensurate with us reaching revenue and profit goals.

As you can imagine, the connection I had with my team transferred to the relationship the store had with our customers. Our team was always upbeat and motivated and ready to make suggestions to satisfy our customers’ needs. They took the time to listen, be present in the conversation, and build relationships with our corporate and regular customers.

Think of how our country would be if we all made that kind of effort every time we encountered someone? Whether it is the person at the drive thru, dry cleaners, or your neighbor, we could make a connection with one another even if it’s just to leave them with a smile. ?

I look forward to your thoughts.