Relationships: Key to Success and Happiness

The most valuable life lesson I have learned is that our relationships play the most essential role in manifesting success and happiness in life, both on and off the job. The growth of a business is determined by the quality of its relationships with its customers and associates. A professional's development and career success are determined by the quality of their relationships with their staff, peers, and superiors.

My New Year's resolution every year is to remind myself of the following

I love; therefore, I'm loved.

I listen; therefore, I'm listened.

I trust; therefore, I'm trusted.

Analytically, 1+1 equals 2.

In relationships, however, 1+1 can be more or less than 2?

How?- you may ask. To answer this, reflect on just two of your many work relationships. Pick one where you look forward to working with a person, and feel free to share ideas, however wild they may seem. Pick another where you dread meeting someone; do not feel free to voice your opinion. What is the crucial difference between these two relationships? In one, you feel secure, and there is mutual respect. In the other, these feelings are missing.

"If you have an apple and I have an apple, and we exchange these apples, then you and I will still each have one apple. But if you have an idea and I have an idea, and we exchange these ideas, then each of us will have two ideas." (George Bernard Shaw)

I once conducted a leadership workshop for human resource managers in Chicago. I asked the 30 participants, "We have had several bosses throughout our careers. We didn't care much for some bosses and would be happy when it was time to go home. But we would go the extra mile for some bosses we liked and respected. What was the difference?"

?One of the participants, Marsha, raised her hand and said, "I would walk over hot coals for my current boss." I requested her to elaborate on why. She replied,?"I'm a single mother of two daughters in school. Sometimes, I need to attend a meeting at school or take them for a doctor's appointment in the middle of a workday. He gives me the flexibility to do that. I have happily worked many weekends to make sure he is successful."?What made the difference for Marsha? It was the feeling that?my boss cared about me. The feeling that?my needs matter.

Ben is the owner and president of a small service company. I have been consulting with him for some time and met him recently. During our meeting, Ben shared that he had visited a customer the day before, who said,?"Ben, we are delighted with the service your team provides. What else can you do for us?"?The feeling of trust between these two parties makes their association a business growth relationship.

?Positive Feelings That Nurture Relationships, 1 + 1 > 2

Trusted

Secure

Appreciated

Respected

Recognized

Acknowledged

There is extra energy, collaboration, and joy to be found in relationships nurtured by positive feelings. Employees in trusting relationships choose to give the gift of their discretionary effort – their commitment and creative ideas. Trust and respect are the foundation of any relationship. If I feel respected, I will feel free to come to you with my concerns and ideas.

Respect and trust create positive energy. All of us need to love and be loved. And we love to feel good about ourselves. Appreciation from those we love and admire can have a very energizing effect. And naturally, having tasted the heady feeling, we are drawn to people who make us feel good about ourselves.

Employees committed to their leader and organization bring greater energy to their jobs. They are motivated to go the extra mile to satisfy customers with an?'absolutely, positively whatever it takes'?attitude. I witnessed this attitude several times during my rides with FedEx couriers in Hong Kong, Tokyo, Mumbai, and Helena. James Briscoe, one of the couriers, said –?"I treat my route as if it were my own business, and if I were running a business, I'd want customers to feel they were dealing with somebody friendly, professional, and helpful."

?Negative Feelings that Undermine Relationships, 1 + 1 < 2

Distrusted

Insecure

Unappreciated

Disrespected

Ignored

Overlooked

We see depleted energy, avoidance, and disappointment in relationships undermined by negative feelings of being unappreciated, insecure, or ignored. Employees in distrusting relationships withhold their discretionary effort.

If we love those who make us feel good, isn't it natural to avoid those who make us feel bad?

From my book, Technical Professional to Innovation Leader |?eBook?|?Paperback p. 85-88