Relationships: The Invisible line

“Invisible lines”, I question if they are visible enough in any relationship? We don’t hesitate for a second to blame age gap, status, customs, thinking, culture, societal settings, family background etc while discussing any troubled relationship. I wonder if this is because of lack of awareness about the true action of communicating one's relational boundaries to the other person. It is our responsibility to define our personal and relational values, and reinforce them. There are few thoughts that I wish to share here.

Know yourself:

Understanding yourself and your feelings would be a fuel to the strength of the invisible lines. Often the concept of boundaries is ambiguous and a little tricky to navigate. You can be sure a boundary has been crossed the very second you feel upset. Now what can you do once you have this awareness? Be responsible about it of course. What I mean in this particular context is, first you need to understand what exactly upsets you, then identify what personal need is not being met (leaving you feeling upset) and then communicate it to the people in your life coming from a perspective of loving awareness and compassion.

Know yourself right:

It’s not only about knowing yourself; it’s about knowing yourself right. What this means in relationship to boundaries is to begin the process of knowing yourself in a more deep and intimate way. Learn what makes you tick and what lights you up. Once you know exactly these specific details it becomes easier to clearly and respectfully communicate these key pieces of your individuality to people in your life. It’s all about boundaries; what you will and what you will not tolerate. It’s all about letting people know you expect to be respected, there is a need to verbalize your boundaries and you’re going to communicate without blaming. When we respect ourselves enough to communicate our truth we give permission to others to do the same.

Varied Boundaries:

Boundaries clarify expectations, much like rules in a game. Something I’ve always found to be very helpful is reminding myself that we all have different experiences of the world and no two people will have grown up with the exact same experience. Therefore it is silly to think any two people will have the same understandings and motivations for their behavior and actions. We all have our own comfort level with different behaviors – that comfort level changes depending on the context of the relationship too. Respecting other people's boundaries definitely helps make you a more attractive person to be around and a loved one too. Everyone is doing the best they can with the tools they have. When I detach in this way and allow the space for each person’s individual experience to be just as valid as mine I can easily accept the situation and communicate my needs from a place of neutrality and loving respect.

The best way we can illustrate love in the world is being true to ourselves and this includes honestly expressing our needs, wants, desires and boundaries So let’s be honest and kind on ourselves.

“But, I love you” is a beautiful line and the most painful line could be “I love you, but” Let your self have the most beautiful one as that is what you deserve!

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