Relationships - I and Others

I would like to start with a simple grid of I / You vis a vis others. Before I take this further, I would like to mention that relationships are always a two-way process. We are equally responsible to build and strengthen any relationship as others. Let's remember the old saying that, you need two hands to clap. However, I learnt a simple truth that, "You get what you give, you give what you want." In other words, if you want others to trust you or respect you or like you, you need to first trust or respect them for others to reciprocate. If you think you will only do so after receiving it from others, then we may have to wait or will never get it from many of the people. Now lets's look at the four scenarios that I have shared in the picture above:

1. People you like
2. People you don't like
3. People who like you and
4. People do not like you

Let's look more closely at the 4 intersections - I would like to share

• People you like - People who like you: This is the best scenario where you and others enjoy, and the relationship thrives. All of us would love to increase the size of this intersection to find most of one's relationship fall here. These must the people with whom you share your values or respect them professionally or personally. These are what you can term as your strong supporters and you need this group in abundance. I can only suggest not to take these people for granted but instead invest time and energy to nurture these precious relationships.
• People you like - People who don't like you: This is an interesting set where you like them but for some reason, they may not really like you. I guess, if you like them, then your and their value and principles match. While, you need to at first accept it, but it is key to understand the reason why they may not like you. However, it is important to at first respect that fact that they do not like you and then find a way to know the reason behind this dislike. What have you done / doing consciously that has resulted in this situation? Hence, the next step is to try and change their view to neutral at first and then to a 'like'. Let's remember, in this world, we are here for a very short time and it is absolutely necessary not to have many people who are anti you or don't like you. I am not suggesting that one needs to bend backwards to get them to like you, but it may be good to get them to be at least neutral towards you.
• People you don't like - People who like you: This is an interesting situation where only you can tell what holds you back from liking the person when s/he likes you. If the difference is not on life values and principles, then it is an action to see if you can also reciprocate. As I mentioned before, it's good to enjoy and have a genuinely good equation with people. Is the reason for not liking the other person due to your own idiosyncrasies or your stubbornness or conscious / unconscious bias, etc. It is then imperative to understand ones' own bias and overcome them to build a fruitful relationship.
• People you don't like - People who don't like you: There will definitely be a group of people you don't like, and it is reciprocated by them too. Even if your reason of not liking them is due to clash in your values and principles, it is best to keep them as neutral and not allow them to be an adversary or antagonist. It's easier said than done but one needs to work on these group of people, especially if they are the powerful ones, they could potentially damage you in many ways.

Mahatma Gandhi believed that relationships are based on respect, understanding, acceptance and appreciation; I would like add TRUST to the foursome. For me, to build any relationship the threshold is if our life values and principles are aligned with the other person. While TRUST takes time to build and can break very easily with ONE wrongdoing, however, once trust is built, we need to work harder to be considered trustworthy by others. The other elements - respect, understanding, acceptance and appreciation have to be also given first to others if you want to be reciprocated. Let's remember - You get what you give, you give what you want. I have tried to live on this principle ever since I heard this is 1999 and I have greatly benefited. In my later article I would share how to improve and strengthen relationships with some simple and practical ways. Hope to connect with you again soon with the follow up article. 

#relationship #truth #trust #respect #understanding #acceptance #appreciation