Of Relationships and Convenience

On a typical day before I go to add two plus two every day from Monday to Friday, my day starts with a morning road run and possibly an hour at the gym. I belong to a community of people who hardly experience the famous warmth that the blanket (or their spouse ??) gives at around 4 to 6AM. More often than not, the alarm is set to go off at 4AM or earlier because at the very least, you need to be at the starting line not later than 5AM on the dot, irrespective of whether it is at your hood, or 40kms away. These are people who will excuse you for turning up for a meeting ten minutes late but will not forgive you for arriving at the start line one minute after 5AM. Anyway, it is good to be known for something and this is a good trait.?

Besides the time-keeping, if you are a runner, there are so many other reasons you’d want to run with these guys. The stories, the banters, the bragging…you’ll cover 21kms without even noticing. And you will come back the day after, again and again. It is so easy to blend in to the extent that even as a guest, you’ll easily flow with the vibe. A lot of what is discussed are topics that many of us can easily relate to. You’d have to be very boring to not chip in, or at least, be tickled by it. Over time, you may be forgiven for thinking that you’re the best of friends. But a common saying in the larger circle has always been “wait until you get injured and can’t run anymore!”

?For sure, the running circles are a lonely place when you are not running, for whatever reason. Aside from the few smaller tighter groups within the larger community, many of the “running friends”, as we call them, are just that! When the “running” is removed, then even the other part goes. First, you’ll start notice that much of the discussions (over 90%) is always about running, which is very normal. But hey, you aren’t running. So, what’ll be your contribution to the discussions? Then slowly by slowly, your motivation to show up for public run events starts dwindling and that’s when you realize how lonely you are. Overcoming this requires a good amount of mental strength.

But what is the lesson from this? Before we answer this, I will strongly emphasize that it is important to be around people with whom you share something (good) in common. And this thing has to be “progressive”, that is, it has to be for the present and future. It cannot be the past. That’s why many school alumni groups dissipate faster than they begun, unless the members agree on what they want to do going forward. Yes, the school brought you together but what will keep you is what you (plan to) do in present and future. For this reason therefore, being brought together through running and exercise is a great bond. Many people will attest to the fact that they have become much better people once they joined the fitness, and specifically the running community. The writer is definitely not an exception. What we learn from this though is that when you can’t do what brought you together anymore, then the whole relationship is bound to weaken, and possibly collapse.

?We have read several articles, especially by public servants and political leaders about how their circle of friends “abandoned” them immediately they vacated office. Sometimes I wonder why they/we get surprised. This issue has been replayed since time immemorial and you’d expect that we’d be used to it by now. As a matter of fact, when you assume that public office, one should be boldly aware that more than 90% of those who seek your attention will be doing so by virtue of the office. Once you leave and are not able to serve their interests, they will swiftly move on to the next occupant, or anyone else who aligns to their needs. Woe unto you if that next occupant was your competitor. The feeling of deep betrayal will never leave you!

?In our personal lives too, many at times, a majority of the people we call our friends are with us for convenience purposes. And this is very normal. It is human nature that when it is no longer convenient, then we seek the next convenience. You should never be offended nor surprised when your time comes. For you needed to have been aware of it from the get go. But the silver lining of this is that it also gives you an opportunity to know those who truly cared for you. From there, you can chart the next phase of your life. Because life is not just about the successes and failures but more importantly, the lessons from these experiences.