ARE RELATIONSHIP WOES MAINLY THE WOMAN'S FAULT?

By Michael Robinson, M.S.

Mastery of money, attitude, mental maturity, and effective communication are key relational attributes and skills that contribute to thriving intimate relationships. Conversely, the causation of many failed relationships is the ineffective mastery of these same attributes and skills.

There are hundreds of published studies that point fingers at who is best and who is worst in intimate relationships, and depending on what research you're reviewing, the blame for failed relationships rests at the feet of BOTH men and women; both men and women are culpable in varying ways to what contributed to the failed relationship.

My motivation and interest in writing this article was spurred by several major articles and reports that piqued my interest concerning how women fall flat in major categories that greatly impact the longevity and successful thrive of male/female dating and/or marital relationships.

DIVORCE

For instance, "In the United States, women typically file for divorce more than men, with some estimates putting the figure at 70%. Among college educated women, the percentage is even higher, at 90%." -Katie Bishop, Features Correspondent, BBC.

? This divorce statistic is significant given the mass number of marriages that occur in the U.S. In 2022, the nation saw 2,065,905 marriages, that’s well over 5000 marriages a day; a third of these marriages fail in divorce, and females lead the pack in filing for divorce.

? Forbes reports the following as the top reasons for divorce, in rank order:

1. Lack of Family Support

2. Infidelity or Extramarital Affairs

3. Lack of Compatibility

4. Lack of Intimacy

5. Too much Conflict/Arguing

6. Financial Stress

7. Lack of Commitment

8. Parenting Differences

9. Marrying too Young

10. Opposing Values or Morals

? Are women bad at judging the character of men they choose to marry? Are women too impatient to work things out in a struggling marriage? Are women so desperate to be in a marital relationship that they are willing to settle for a less desirable companion? Whatever the answer is, the fact remains, pulling the trigger on divorce is led by women.

MONEY

When it comes to money, "Women file for bankruptcy slightly more than men, with 52% of filers being women and 48% being men." -Kurland Law Group.

Bankruptcy is a legal option that allows people who can't pay their debts to liquidate assets or create a repayment plan to pay off the debt. In some cases, bankruptcy can release you from your entire debt to give you a fresh start, but bankruptcy can negatively impact your credit worthiness for years.

? Debt consolidation is an alternative to filing for bankruptcy. “Debt consolidation refers to taking out a new loan or credit card to pay off other existing loans or credit cards. By combining multiple debts into a single, larger loan, you may also be able to obtain more favorable payoff terms, such as a lower interest rate, lower monthly payments, or both.” -Investopedia.com .

? Here is a list of highly rated debt consolidation companies, as recommended by Forbes:

1. Accredited: 855-623-6508

2. Freedom Debt Relief: 800-487-5303

3. National Debt Relief: 800-300-9550

MENTAL HEALTH

Mental wellness and cognition enable a person to attain a level of knowledge and understanding through thought and life experiences. When our mental wellness and cognition are compromised, it can greatly hinder how we engage in relationships.

Relationships can be inherently stressful- when two people, from two different walks of life- come together in a dating or marital relationship, the courtship, compromising, and responsibilities of meeting expectations can be daunting. The anxiety and responsibility that goes into creating a thriving relationship can be too mentally and emotionally stressful for some people.

? "Mental health problems affect both men and women, but not equally. In 2021, 22.8% of adults in the United States aged 18 or older had any mental illness (AMI), with females being more likely to experience AMI than males (27.2% vs 18.1%)." -Mental Health Foundation.

? "52% of women with a reported mental illness received mental health care services, compared with 40% of men." -National Institute of Mental Health (NIMH).

? “Indeed, some research suggests women are more likely to internalize stress—leading more readily to both physical and mental disorders—while men tend to externalize it in the form of aggression or impulsivity.” -American Psychological Association.

COMMUNICATION

Finally, good communication is a key cornerstone to all thriving relationships. Men and women communicate in different ways, and our communication style dictates how we are perceived. It’s important to understand how people best communicate and to be patient with folks that may possess a communication style that different than our own. For instance, women tend to be more descriptive and detailed in their communication style, while men tend to be more abstract and bottom-line in how they communicate.

? "...studies have shown that people tend to associate abstract language with power and leadership, and that in general, men tend to speak more abstractly than women — meaning that in some contexts, the way women are socialized to communicate may sometimes make them less likely to be seen as leaders." -Harvard Business Review.

? “Across a variety of contexts, women tend to use more concrete language, focusing on ways in which people can attain objectives, providing specifics, and using words that are easier to visualize. On the other hand, men tend to use more abstract language, focusing on the end goals or the larger purpose of actions, focusing on the gist of the message rather than the details, and using more abstract and difficult-to-visualize words. These gender differences in language exist across age groups, across status levels, and in both written and spoken language.” -Society for Personality and Social Psychology.

It’s important to be patient, thoughtful, respectful, and good listeners when engaged in dialogue with others. Also, our messaging can be amplified in positive and negative ways by the tone and vocabulary we use, so be conscious of your voice inflection, words, body language, physical proximity, and intensity of how you deliver your messaging. Otherwise, people may receive your message in a manner that you never intended; this is called miscommunication. Contempt, a feeling or attitude that others are beneath you, can adversely affect your messaging.

? “The most damaging way to communicate with your partner is with contempt. Contempt is the belief that a person is beneath you, worthless, or deserving of scorn and ridicule. When someone feels contempt for their partner, they feel justified in humiliating, embarrassing, or hurting them.” -Dr. Cortney Warren, PhD, board-certified psychologist.

? “According to one study, men display contempt more accurately than women. However, another study found that women show more contempt and disgust than men.” -National Library of Medicine/National Center for Biotechnology Information.

Let me know your thoughts, please post your comments below.

Regards,

Rev. Michael Robinson, M.S.

Christian Counselor / College Professor / University Executive / Journalist

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