Relationship Space Management (Part IV)

....concluding part (from Part III)

Framework Summary

In the context of Relationship Space Management, what level of access should be granted to people we relate with in the Market Space? How much of your business should be their business? And how much of their business should be your business? Should this be a factor in how you relate?

Yet, it should. And it is only reasonable that it is. But what do we see in this Social Media age? Is it not wonderful, that many people are now granting unfettered access to people in the Market Space? Many people are now living their lives worrying about people in the Market Space - number of likes and followers - about people they do not really know, people they will not even recognise if they ever get to meet them. Yet, you have given them the power to affect you, to determine whether you are happy or unhappy. Any wonder all these dramas are erupting all over the place, with respect to mental health?? Can you imagine what life will become if this continues?

In essence, therefore, what this framework is saying is that your PIMS are not to be handled carelessly. You will need to make the efforts to clearly establish your values and principles. You will need to ensure that only those whose Values align with yours are in your PIMS. And in addition, you must also, note, please, that the depth of your engagement may differ from one person to another, even though they are in the same Space.

As an example, you may be able to do business with one person, while another, in the same Space is bad at business. It is also possible that someone in your Intimate Space handles confidentiality better than someone else, even though you relate with both of them in the same Space. That, therefore, means that one is into your secrets, while the other is not – yet both are in the same space. What this mean, in essence, therefore, is that Value Alignment is only the ticket to the game - the depth and flavour of interactions must still be based on all the other different parameters (temperaments, personality, interest, preferences, capacity etc).

And lastly, you will need to constantly audit your exposures – more like carrying out a reconciliation exercise- to check to see whether there is any mismatch between the space an individual should be in your life and the level of access you have granted. You need to do this very regularly AND act on what you find (please, try out the PIMS Health Checker at the end of this article). The more frequently and effectively you do this, the quicker for you to pick things before they go too far and the easier it will be for you to course correct.

Benefits of Intentional Relationship Space Management

What you will ultimately find is that, if you are diligent in being intentional with the way you live and manage your Relationship Spaces, a few things will start to happen to you.

First, you will feel less vulnerable, less apprehensive, more in control and more confident, because you now hold the key to your Spaces. You will feel more in charge.

Secondly, you will have less drama in your life. This is because the chances of the wrong person finding their way into the critical Spaces of your life will be very minimal. And in addition, even where there is a mismatch, instead of freaking out, because you now in charge, you will simply respond and take corrective actions. That’s such a sweet place to be.

Thirdly, you will no longer have to wall yourself in or be a loner, in the name of avoiding heartbreak. So, you will live a much fuller, more exciting life than the one you currently live. Life was not designed to be lived alone.

These are just a few of the benefits you get when you take control of your relationship spaces. And, please, let me close the article by recounting a true-life story I read sometimes ago.

It was about a 38-year-old woman - Joyce Vincent- that lived by herself in an apartment in North London. Sometimes in December 2003, she had an asthma attack and died. Then days turned into weeks, weeks into months and two years rolled pass and no one noticed! One would have expected that the stench of a decomposing body would draw the attention of neighbours. Unfortunately, no! Circumstances seemed to have conspired against this poor lady, as it so happened that the building was not far from a dumpster. So as her body decomposed and started to smell, the other residents in the building thought the stench was from the dumpster. Imagine!

Coincidentally (and most unfortunately), Ms Joyce had earlier set-up a standing order for the payment of her monthly rent. So, the landlord did not need to look for her or knock on her door. And apparently, she had no relationship nor business with her neighbours. She also did not have any family member checking up on her.

Her death, sadly, was actually only noticed when her bank account ran out of funds and subsequently, her rent cheques stopped coming in. In other words, it was actually not her absence that was noticed, it was the absence of her rent. And by the time her door was forced open, she was significantly decomposed. This was January 2006!

How could this have happened? What could have made Joyce to so wall herself in – from friends, family, co-workers, neighbour, the society? 2 full years and no one noticed! Very sad!

Do you think that this is an isolated case? Wrong. 61-year-old South African, Sheila Seleoane, also suffered a similar fate. It took almost three years after her death before she was found. There are many more instances on the internet

You definitely do not want to live like that (at least not any more). Life was not designed to be lived alone. We all need someone to lean on, at different times, for different things. So, do not let the fear of being hurt or the drama associated with having people in your Space, turn you into a recluse and a prisoner in your own world.

And for those allowing themselves to be used as foot-mats, I am sure you have enough scars to remind you of what your journey has been like. I do not think I need say more.

Which is why I have taken the time to share the above with you. And as you apply and optimize, you are able to run a healthy and balanced life. You will become properly equipped to carry out this very high precision sieving, identification and selection of people you really need in your corner. And with this, you will get to the point where you have a solid support structure for life, that would be mutually beneficial to the parties involved. And it will afford you an opportunity to travel and experience life differently. ?

Be intentional with how you manage your relationship Spaces and you will definitely be better for it.

In conclusion, please, note that all the above is possible, if and only if, you live from the inside.

Get started today!

tmak| June 2024

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