Relationship Space Management (Part 3)

Continued from Part 2

c.? Time (and the associated Experiences) are the gold standards

As you get to know yourself and get clear about your values, nobody should be in your Private, Intimate or Mental Space (PIMS), IF you have not done Value-Validations, to confirm that you are on the same page, that you want the same things - that you are aligned.

But really, how do you do that?

By giving the interaction TIME - to crystalize, to properly coalesce. Time to check them out, to EXPERIENCE them, to see if TRULY there are common grounds for the things that you have identified as being very important to you. Time to see them interact with others, while you observe, take note and apply.

This is because, this Value Validation matter is not about words. It’s not about presentation or representation. It’s not about impression. IT IS ABOUT EXPERIENCE! It is not something to be rushed. ?(Remember the shoe-shopping example). So, be careful not to judge the book solely by its cover. And you should not be playing lottery with your life and mental health, because ‘undo’ in this matter can be very tortuous and painful (if at all possible). Therefore, prevention is everything here, possibly more than anywhere else.

A good example to reference here is the typical boy-girl relationship. A sweet-mouthed guy meets a lady, throws some fine lines, dazzles her with some ‘steeze’, gets what he wants (everything happening like rapture) and then leaves her hanging. She’s heartbroken and devastated, because she took him for his words.

As can be seen, words obviously, are not, and will never be enough. The only way to get a proof-positive reading on value alignment is TIME. Only time allows you to experience the real person.

But, please, note that TIME, here, is not necessarily about the length of days, but the depth and quality of the experience. So, if three years have passed and you have not experienced a person, you cannot really say that you know the person. It is also very possible to experience people within a very short time of meeting them, as in, experience them in such a way that goes beyond just words. So, either way, it goes beyond just words!

And, please, note also, that the admission criteria for each Space differs. This means that the type, level and even quality of the experience you need to have with a person, before s/he is accepted to the Public Space, may not necessarily be the same experience required for acceptance to Your Private Space. You, most likely, will need to experience the person on a different and deeper level, because you are also moving to a different level with him/her. You must be intentional to experience the individual on the more critical values, as you manage Spaces closer to you

In conclusion, therefore, this Value-Alignment Validation exercise is denominated in TIME – time required to confirm that they belong. And where you are not sure, the rule of the game is WAIT, please!

d.? Access mistakes can be corrected.

Mistakes in Space allocation are not final. YOU CAN CORRECT YOURSELF

Being human means that there is always a possibility of error. It is possible that, even after applying all the principles laid out in this material, an experience is still misinterpreted, and an inappropriate person has been allowed into YOUR PIMS. Yes, it is possible, because we are human.

IF so, what do you do?

Once you establish that a mistake has been made, you must immediately commence the process of moving the individual back to the appropriate Space. This doesn’t mean you are shutting the door, it does not mean getting hysterical and ‘losing it’. It is simply about applying the Value Alignment and Validation Tests.

Remember that you are in charge of who is where in your life. So, what you need to do is simple- REPEAT THE TEST. just like titration in chemistry. If you miss the point at which the reaction happens, all you have to do is, go over it again. Only this time, you have to be more careful and pay more attention as you mix the chemicals.

How you do this will vary from person to person and for different situations. But by way of general guidance, what you need to do is to identify the access-levels that should no longer be allowed; and take steps to revoke them. Block the number/account, retrieve your key/change the lock completely, go on a ‘fast’ off that individual, etc.?

This is easier said than done, because, many times, the individuals in question are already very integral to our functioning and operation. And because we are products of habits and patterns, many times, its like pulling a tooth.

But, when you consider how negatively you are being impacted with the mismatch, find a way to use it as a motivation to do the needful. And where necessary, seek the help of close friends and family. But whatever you do, do not surrender to the error of having the wrong person in your PIMS. The result can be catastrophic!

....to be concluded next week (Part 3 of 4)