Relationship Space Management (Part 2)

….continued from Part 1

Taking Control of Your Relationship Spaces

So, what is the relevance and application of the above to you as an individual?

For you to manage your Relationship Spaces effectively, you must:

1.?????? Be aware that these Relationship Spaces exist

2.?????? Recognize them as distinct Spaces (with clear boundaries)

3.?????? Take full responsibility for your Relationship Spaces

4.?????? Be intentional with ‘who’ is ‘where’- (‘friend’ is not the only available tag for contacts)

5.?????? Learn and apply skills on how to manage transitions and access to the different Spaces of your life, particularly the PIMS (Private, Intimate and Mental Spaces)

A lot goes into effectively managing your Relationship Spaces. It is a process. And to simplify the conversation, let us take the process as a journey – with everyone starting from the Market Space.

Of course, this is not always the situation, because at least, there is family. And different interactions will go through different journeys. Regardless, however, the principle of every relationship starting from the Market Space is still very relevant.

Relevant, not just for illustration purposes, but because it holds a fundamental truth. Starting with everyone from the Market Space implies that you are in charge. No one shows up in your PIMS (Private, Intimate and Mental Spaces) by accident. You are to actively and intentionally choose and decide who you allow where. This is fundamental and critical!

That said, therefore, the guiding principles behind the management of your Relationship Spaces are as follows

a.?????? Movement (from one Space to another) must be value-based? ?

b.?????? Access (to PIMS) must be value-based

c.?????? Time (and the associated Experiences) are the gold standards.

d.?????? Access mistakes can be corrected

a.? Movement (from one Space to another) must be value-based??

You should not meet someone today and the next moment, the person is already in your PIMS (Private, Intimate or Mental Spaces). That would be a recipe for disaster.

Armed with this new knowledge, (that these different Spaces exist, with distinct boundaries and characteristics); you must, from this moment, see your relationships as a deliberate and conscious journey. Arising from that too, movement from one Space to another has to be deliberate, intentional and based on how clearly you have been able to objectively prove, that your values are same with those you are allowing into the various Spaces.

Movement here means how others progressively get closer and into your matter. And the message is, don’t just wake-up to realize that someone is in your PIMS!. Be clear about your gates and boundaries; and man them!. Be conscious of who you are opening what gate for. Ensure that you ONLY open based on clear Value Alignment and Validation. ONLY!

Expectedly, too, the level of Value Alignment and Validation you would do for admission into the Public Space will be different from what you will do for admission into your Intimate Space. So, please, be very conscious and intentional about this!

Let’s draw a quick analogy. I am sure you have some experience shoe-shopping. What was it like? Was it the first option you were given that you took…without checking it out? Without checking out other options? Not likely

IF your experience is like that of most people, it’s usually a journey - of experiencing it and trying it out. Even if the shoe in your hand carry the same size you wear, would you buy it if it does not fit? -too big, too small, too tight, etc? Most likely not.

From experience, therefore, shoe-shopping is usually a process – of navigating your way through what you knew before you went to the market (your size, your budget, your target etc); and what the market is offering you (shoe size, how it feels when you wear it, how it looks when you wear it, how it fits your budget, etc)

Managing your Relationship Space is exactly the same. With the principle of ‘everyone starting from the Market Space’, you have to be very intentional with how the people you meet and interact with, move from one Relationship Space to the other. It cannot be random. It cannot be just because it sounds like it, looks like it, feels like it (same size-label as what I wear). It should only be because it fits – fits your values, your goals, ambitions, vibes, likes, dislikes, desires, etc.

Question – How intentional have you been with the people in the different Spaces of your life?

b.? Access (to PIMS) must be Value-Based

The people you have in your Private, Intimate and Mental Spaces determine the quality of your life, particularly your mental health. You, therefore, cannot be careless about who you give that access to. Disregard for this simple principle underlines most of the relationship and mental-health issues ravaging the land today. You, therefore, have to guard, protect and be very intentional about who you allow and retain in these Spaces.

So, how do you do that?

Being intentional and deliberate with who has access to your PIMS (Private, Intimate and Mental Spaces) presupposes that there are bases and criteria for admission. Because, it is impossible to be talking about being deliberate and intentional, where there are no principles and standards. So, how do you navigate the process of granting access to “A” while denying access to “B”? How do you develop the ability to do this?

It is simple – learn to live inside-out. How well do you know yourself? Who are you? What do you value? What is important to you? What turns you off?

See, self-knowledge is not something that is usually close to the surface. It typically requires some time and some digging. And most times, the way you ‘dig’ is by watching/observing yourself - how you react and respond to things, what excites you, what lowers your vibe, what tickles you, what attracts/ repels you, etc – and then whatever you find, you, again, take the time to explore it deeper. This is how YOU is revealed to YOU!

And once you get clear about your values, purpose, direction, who you are, where you are going and the kind of energy you need in your Space, who you grant access to, particularly to your PIMS (Private, Intimate and Mental Spaces) must then be guided by this knowledge.

And it is very important you tick this critical box, because, if you do not take the time to know yourself, how then are you able to determine what aligns with you and what does not? How do you correctly determine who to grant what access to?

Therefore, whatever is going on in your PIMS is all due to you. All happening as a result of who you have given your PIMS access to. No one else to blame. You and only you are responsible. It has nothing to do with anyone else. It is not even about good or bad – it is all about YOU!

So, please, use this knowledge (and other relevant information), to establish your compass and then consciously choose who is where in your life. It is far cheaper than dealing with the chaos that can happen if you don’t!

….To be continued (2 of 4)