Relationship is not a romance movie.

At some point in our lives, we may believe that love should be like the kind of romance we see portrayed in films, television, and novels.

At some point I grew up and learned to let go of the crazy metaphor of romantic love in order to find true happiness. Yes, I was disappointed to realize that the knight riding through the night to save the damsel in distress is a fallacy. It’s a bummer.

But, let’s look at it in this light: We all saw Romeo and Juliet and Titanic. Why stories like these make our hearts sing is that the love is unrequited. Unavailability fuels the romantic expression.

This kind of romantic story can only work when there is an absence of the lover. Sometimes, they have to die in the end in order for their love to fit into this romantic view. Or, we eat handfuls of popcorn, waiting to see if they live happily ever after, and we rarely find out if they really do.

The romantic love fantasy is really a substitute for intimacy—real, connected, vulnerable intimacy.

So then, how do we make relationships work and stay happy?

We begin with the understanding of what pure love is, and then redefine and update the romantic fairy-tale into a healthier type of love.

Expand your heart.

One thing that unites us is that we all long to be happy. This happiness usually includes the desire to be close to someone in a loving way. To create real intimacy, get in touch with the spaciousness of your heart and bring awareness to what is good within you.

It’s easier to recognize the good in your partner when you’re connected to the good in yourself.

Disclaimer:?The information on this POST is not intended or implied to be a substitute for professional advice. The opinions expressed within this article are the personal opinions of the author. All content, including text, graphics, images and information, contained on or available through this article is for general information purposes / educational purposes only, and to ensure discussion or debate.

Thank you ….Focus on giving love.

Genuine happiness is not about feeling good about ourselves because other people love us; it’s more about how well we have loved ourselves and others. The unintentional outcome of loving others more deeply is that we are loved more deeply.

Let go of expectations.

You may look to things such as romance and constant togetherness to fill a void in yourself. This will immediately cause suffering. If you unconsciously expect to receive love in certain ways to avoid giving that love to yourself, you will put your sense of security in someone else.

Draw upon your own inner-resources to offer love, attention, and nurturance to yourself when you need it. Then you can let love come to you instead of putting expectations on what it needs to look like.

These are only a few ways to explore real intimacy. How do you create a loving connection in your relationship?

There is such thing as having expectations set too high, especially if you’re not worthy of those expectations, and also the problem of trying to see someone as somebody they are not.

Everyone I think naturally has expectations when they get into a relationship or searching for someone, whether they apply it... that’s a different story. However NOT ALL woman get into relationships hoping for a fairy-tale life and being treated out everywhere and wanting the most gushy love. I think that just some woman.

A lot that runs through a woman’s head is - Do we like to do the same things –

How does this person carry themselves –

What do they do on a daily basis –

What kind of career do they have –

What have they done in life.

Clinginess can come from not just attachment and wanting to be loved, but also the thought of losing that person to someone else, or there interest straying away because of not enough time spent.

Do you want to add a word or two?....

Where I think is definitely correct is loving yourself FIRST before trying to love someone else. If you don't know yourself as well as you should, you can’t possibly know anybody else enough to really LOVE that person.

I like the ideas of working on myself to be fulfilled and not expecting my partner to be certain way, say certain things to make me feel whole. But at the same time, I am also confused about some of the other relationship advice out there addressing that it is important to balance the male and female energy, and that is... Male should regardless grounding the female and make her feel save by showing certain action, be the man and give the female enough information that they are serious about the relationship and commitment.

When you have a passive partner who is not acting like a prince or even just a worrier who cares about maintaining the balance as much as you do, perhaps he just like to go with the flow and go along on a ride that you work hard at mostly and solely.

Your Comments……

Over a long period, you may start questioning about the relationship you are in is truly sensible or not... You can work on yourself all you want, but does not help when you are facing a partner who doesn't do the same or is not able to.... I see a lot of the relationship advices out there helping women to find happiness within themselves and not to depend on their partners which is good.

But in a deeper level, I feel our society really cater, pamper and spoil MEN's collective consciousness, that so much if not always, but really so often that the female has to be the real hero, to cope, to step up, to work on herself, to give and to all these things we work so hard to keep our men loving us, seeing us, appreciating us and cherishing us for who we are.

Women are taking way too much responsibility in the society.

Relationship balance need to start early from childhood. Relationship is such a building block of our society, but such lack of attention for both gender.

Men and Women need to cooperate and work together to build better relationships together...

At any given moment there are things about your relationship that you love, and things you don’t love. That is natural. No one has a “perfect” relationship no matter how green their grass looks from across the street.

The question is: where is your focus?

Do you focus on the positive, on what is working between you, or is most of your mental energy drawn to and consumed by focusing on what is missing in your relationship?

When our attention and awareness is on what is working, we can feel happy and content with our partner.

When we start mentally (or verbally) listing and logging the complaints, we can barely look at our partner without feeling anger and stress.

To get more of what you love in your relationship focus on the positive, on what you have that works, and you will create more of that.

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