Relationship Red Flags

Sex – Couples place ‘sex’ as their highest priority in life. 

Withholding love and affection from your partner is self-sabotage. This may be a deliberate power-play act because you're upset with them, or it may be unconscious because you have deeper issues or needs you aren't able to communicate. 

But by withholding physical intimacy, you are sabotaging one of the most important bonds within relationships. 

It's a sign you need to look deeper into the problem, whether within yourself or within the relationship.

Confidence – Couples make major life decisions without asking close friends, family or mentors for advice first. 

If you're a perfectionist who constantly looks for imperfections to criticize in your partner, then you'll feel like nothing is ever good enough. 

This feeling can turn into a self-fulfilling prophecy where they feel like they'll never be good enough for you — and so they stop trying. 

Planning – Couples don't think ‘planning for the future,’ i.e. career, goals, or finances, applies to them. 

It’s essential to get to know yourself in every possible way before you move into a committed relationship. Often, individuals go in search of a relationship without this essential knowledge. 

But how can you ever hope to know another individual if you don’t know yourself first? 

How can you address another’s needs and desires if you're disconnected from your own? 

As obvious as these issues may appear, and as much as you may feel you understand them intellectually, it should come as no surprise that what initially seems unimportant may take on greater significance as insights occur over the course of the relationship. 

In retrospect, individuals are often baffled about their own behavior and expectations in a relationship.

Answer questions such as: What attracted you to this person initially? 

Did the attraction last? 

Was your fantasy about this person—what you imagined or assumed to be true—validated in reality? 

How long did the relationship last? 

Did revelations during the course of the relationship change your mind? 

What was the deal breaker? 

Do any patterns, similarities from relationship to other relationships, emerge? 

Laughter – Couples laugh less than 5 times per day. Kids in comparison laugh over 300 times per day. As adults we fail to prioritize fun. 

It’s true: laughter is strong medicine. 

It draws people together in ways that trigger healthy physical and emotional changes in the body. 

Laughter strengthens your immune system, boosts mood, diminishes pain, and protects you from the damaging effects of stress. 

Nothing works faster or more dependably to bring your mind and body back into balance than a good laugh. 

Humor lightens your burdens, inspires hope, connects you to others, and keeps you grounded, focused, and alert. It also helps you release anger and forgive sooner. 

Stress - They stress easily. Life is a dance. Not a life sentence. 

It’s particularly important to weigh relationship risk factors in the early stages… the greater the inertia factor preventing you from leaving when it becomes emotionally unfulfilling or perhaps even dangerous.  

The more effort you put into the decision to get involved with a partner in the first place, the harder you'll work to keep the relationship strong. 

 Even if you decide to disregard red flags and enter a relationship with someone new but risky, you will still be better prepared to handle the problems that may follow down the road. 

Principles – Some couples don't have principles, or know when to apply them. Don’t bend. You’ll be respected for your clarity of purpose. And your integrity. 

Consider how you would make the decision to buy a car: You may realize that it’s got some weaknesses but decide to accept them, and, in fact, you may work that much harder to keep it in top condition, especially if you decide you're happy with it, flaws and all. 

It’s not the objective nature of the situation—the number of warning signs in a partner or the scratches on a car—but the fact that you actually put effort into deciding to make a commitment.  

Motivations - They don’t understand what motivates them: money, power, prestige, or helping others. So they choose the wrong career. 

It would be great if relationships came with warning labels, so you could avoid problems with partners who are not good matches for you before you get involved. 

But unlike prescription drugs, cigarettes, or other potentially hazardous substances with their bold-faced labels and listed side effects, when it comes to deciding on a partner, you’re largely on your own.

Disclaimer: The information on this POST is not intended or implied to be a substitute for professional advice. The opinions expressed within this article are the personal opinions of the author. All content, including text, graphics, images and information, contained on or available through this article is for general information purposes / educational purposes only, and to ensure discussion or debate.    

Thank you …Bad Partners Choices - They marry or are dating the wrong person and they know it. Luxembourg, in 2016, had a whopping 66% divorce rate. USA was 46%. Canada was 48%, France 54%, and Spain was at 56%. But Portugal takes the prize for highest divorce rate in 2016 at an astonishing 71%.

You may often feel that you don’t know where you stand in a relationship.

Rather than moving forward, building on shared experiences that should be strengthening your connection, you feel uncomfortable, uncertain, or anxious about where the it's heading. 

 You may seek reassurances from your partner, but somehow these are only momentary and fleeting. As a result, you may be working double duty to keep the relationship on track while your partner contributes little. 

Living Alone - They live alone and don't prioritize spending time with real life people daily. 

 Mental health issues are on the rise globally in direct correlation with single occupancy dwellings, which accounts for almost 30% of residence of Vancouver, Canada. 

Some people have trouble mastering basic life skills—taking care of themselves, managing their finances and personal space, holding onto a job, and making plans for their life and future. 

Small crises surrounding the way they live their daily life may take up a lot of time and energy. If so, there may be little time and energy left for you and your issues. 

These people may still be working on growing up. In other words, it may be hard to rely on them for almost anything. 

It would only further intensify someone’s anger. When someone is far too fired up to listen rationally to anything you might say, it’s worse than useless to respond to them. 

Any response will probably be premature and serve only to make matters worse because it’s likely to be experienced as an interruption, as though you’re not really listening or taking the person seriously. 

 In such cases—if there’s to be any hope of ultimately resolving the situation—it’s essential to devote all your attention to hearing someone out and giving them every chance to fully air their grievances. Only then might they be open to hearing your contrasting viewpoint, or interpretation. 

Want to add word or two? 

Failing to Even Try - So many of us think a personal or professional goal is so hard to achieve we don't even try. Thus we will never know what could have been. 

There are many situations when it’s extremely difficult not to respond to someone, like when a person has just pushed your buttons. But in tense, problematic circumstances it never makes much sense to respond—or better react—impulsively. 

What’s needed is a moment or two to reflect on whether your instant reaction, if expressed, will make things better—or, more likely, worse. 

Your comment ….? 

Solutions are in the new habits we form: 

IF any of these ring true for you, thanks to neuroplasticity, that is, our brains ability to learn through repetition over time, you'll start removing these elements of self-sabotage in just a two or three week period, as healthy new habits replace the old ones. 

If someone is offering you constructive criticism, it may be important to put your ego aside and conscientiously evaluate the legitimacy of their viewpoint. 

In such cases, it’s much better to remain silent, listen attentively, and only then give a response (if at all). 

Whether, in the end, you agree with their unfavorable appraisal or not, it’s still in your best interest to open-mindedly assess its validity. 

For while you may be reluctant to hear it, what they have to say might still potentially be beneficial. 

If you can’t resist the immediate impulse to defend yourself, you may miss out on a valuable opportunity to learn something important about yourself.